It lurks at the back of your consciousness.
It dwells in the pit of your stomach.

It is strong.
Strong enough to exist -
behind the facade of calm demeanors.
Strong enough to swim against the currents
of indoctrinated beliefs of righteousness.
Strong enough to be the wrong amidst all rights.

It is the speaker for the voiceless.
It is the doer for the incapable.
It is the strength for the weak.
It is sweet escape for the trapped.

Listen...

It's there in the lull.
When all is quiet, you hear it.
Whispering, inciting, winning you over.

It will take you over.
It will steer the wheel.
But only if you want it just as much.

You don't know how I feel,
How could you possibly?
My attention you steal;
When it was never yours to keep.

A thief in the night,
You've come to take my heart.
You gave me some light
But not enough; it's still dark.

I'm feeling so jaded,
I love you so much
I almost hate it.

You've driven me down
Just to build me back up.
At the end of the day
Still all I want is your love.

Emotions high tide.
Waves come and go
like the waves in the ocean.
So sad right now but my heart isn't broken.
It's Unpredictable but evident,
When the  waves move in.
Here in a moment
Gone in a glance.
I thought with you I'd never stand a chance.
The way I feel I need to be,
Is close but not attached,
Our love is something like a trip to the beach; Our journey can't be matched.
It's hot outside,
While the sun's so pretty & my skin's slowly burning.
I'm supposed to protect myself
Then I forget,
Because I'm still learning.
As Days go by,  Times keeps turning
Slowly but surely, I can feel it's the end of our journey.
Just Walk with me,
on the sand in my beach,
We'll see the sunrise,
Forget life and all it's ties.

Drink wine to clear my head
Smoke something;
Goto bed.

I never knew
that I could be seen
I never knew
That's why my heart allows me
To be mean.

I never knew
That for you I care
I never knew,
I was just ironically always
There.

I never knew
I could let my true colors show
But look at you,
You call my colors out
As if I'm signaling smoke.

I never knew
I was capable of making
Anyone's attention so indivisible
I never knew what's it's like
To not be invisible.

I've never felt so useless; I'm so used to being used. Am I just being thrown and tossed around like an abused piece of news?  
Old news is that what I am? I remember hard times before when you couldn't I'd always rise and take a stand.
Seems to quickly we, as people, forget how to be a friends; tempers flaring, words daring then hours later waiting to make amends.
While my feelings are hurt, And your basically floored, this whole time we both feel like we're being  ignored.
Our fights they're terrible I can admit that, I can also admit our friend ship isn't half bad.
Actually I like you most, you just don't see... Have I ever kept anyone for that long around me? The people in that category I can only name about three.
     honestly I can say that most of the problem is with in myself, I really can't tell when it's real so I always have with held.
With held the extent  in which my friendships go, when ever I hit the road. It's always been alone.
With hold my feelings because I'm scared they're wrong, **** I even with hold the name of my favorite song.
I've been told before I'm easy to love but hard to know, I'm just so used to being overlooked that I thought people would really careless to know.  
I'm scared I'm not enough and that I will never suceed. I'm scared to love and then in it bleed.
There's apart of me that feels like I'm trapped in my own little realm, and I'm so far gone no one cares to help.
So I shut my self down and the ones that I love, but not because it I'm above,  it's more because I feel I'll never be enough.
I set outrageously high expectations,
So that I can't commit to any kind of relations.  It's just easier like that, dealing with me is no mental vacation.
I've  told you I knew the problem was me, don't ever for a second think I'm too blind to see.
I know I'm a monster and act like I don't care, I just know that even though everyone says it, they won't always be there.
It's not that I feel you won't, I just know what it's like and I've lost all hope.
So then I **** up on purpose cuz I'm a ***** and I'm scared. Ironically you're still always around the corner... Just there.
Waiting for what, I really don't know,
But I won't ever be different, I just don't know how to go with the flow.
And for all those reasons that's why I'm alone, I'm just grateful you haven't gone.
I don't  wanna fuss, dont wanna fight, just wanna make sure you my friend are at home and are ready to smoke a blunt tonight.
All my insecurities are giving me a headache, so I puff on the blunt to watch them vacate
They disappear like the clouds of smoke I exhale, turn the music real loud and think of something random like retail.
& just disappear even if it's for a second,
I know I'm terrible I told you I'd admit it.
Of course the insecurities always come back, but I'm really trying here please just help me and cut me some slack.