she said she wasn't happy.
he said he tried.
she said "it'll be fine, you'll like the new guy."
he said "you're the only girl in my life."

I said "why".

he says he doesn't want to see me preform because ... "He will be there"
she said he's ignorant.

I said "why".

if I could take all these "whys" and turn them into seconds it would last the same amount of time it's been since she decided she wasn't happy and when he gave up trying.

I have feelings. I have regrets.

if I told him he'd say "I already knew"
but I know if I told her all she'd say is
"why"

i put these words in my mouth
only for them to be
****** back up into
the vacuum of my mind
that's already full
with things that went without
saying.

there will come a day;
when i take these words and line
them up from the tip of my tongue
to the end of my spine
coated with a substance that
is tear-free.
those words will shoot out like bullets,
and those bullets will go into the ear of
all those i said i loved
and all those i said i hated
and they'll go straight out their other ear.
always completely unphased with
words that could change our lives.
these words;
matter.

some words could fill up the sun
while others could fill up a blade of
grass,
that blade of grass will barely
***** their thoughts
while the sun will go completely
unnoticed.
because,
who really talks about the sun anymore?
and that is why,
the unimportant words,
the ones that are never true,
could be the moon.

it's hard to think of
your own faults
when others
have larger ones.

it's hard to pray
for yourself
when someone needs
it more.

this week i realized,
that when i am depressed,
other people bring out
my grace.

She walks into school
      and it starts again
           the shaking,
               it rips through her like a wave
She hears the sound of the voices
      in the hallway
         yet she cant make out what they're saying
She thinks all eyes are on her,
     everything is just one big blur
She hears laughter and
     she automatically thinks its
        directed at her
She waits in the bathroom
     like she does every morning
        for the halls to be clear
She walks out
     and wipes away her tears