Wait a moment
while I sit by your side
and remind you of the fondest memories your mind has left behind

Won't you remember the summers in the park
you pushed me so high on the swings that day
I felt like I was amongst the clouds, in a way
and I suppose I was
so enraptured by it all
but soon the summer left us
and we were trapped in fall

You my dear, well by then, you had forgotten it all.

If only I could wish you happy birthday today
If only you were here in the present day
now all my poems surround your departure
the saddest day when I lost my father

Yeah you know, I felt as though I owed it to you
I'm sorry for these last years,
And I guess you were too.

Far away
you could say
but inscribed in my heart
are your last words
that nothing could really keep us apart.

How sad it is when I think of the past
when I look back at the last years
the grief tore us apart
and we let it in fact
no one held back
and no one admitted how much we ached when you left
there was no one ready to sweep up the mess.

I guess I really owe it to you
and all I can promise is what I will prove.

Palm trees towering over me
The delicate blue sky evoking the sea
How I long to remain in this company

Dragonfly you pass me by
Not noticing the wonder in my eye
If only you could see the awe you inspire

A travellers mind it is hard to grasp
How much we have seen
How much we have passed

The colours of the world never cease to amaze
The busy people hurry on
While I stop and gaze

Because you don’t hurt the one you love.
Our romance was cut short
Love abandoned
Something so pure dissolved like a tablet in water
No evidence that it had ever begun.

When do you know if you’ve found the one
Will I feel like my life’s begun
Am I going to look into his eyes
And see a beautiful mystical sunrise
Is he going to fulfil my hearts desire
Or will this love eventually tire?

Something tied us together
you said it was
invisible string
the thing that brought us back
when we tried
separating.
A thousand ways to leave
a thousand ways to stay
anything can change in just one day.
Wondering what if,
we wandered apart
invisible string
brought us back to the start.

I bought you brazil nuts because I know they're your favourite
We usually share everything
but I don't really like these so they're just for you
I thought it might soften the frown on your face but I was probably expecting too much
I bought you a scratch card and a lottery ticket hoping you would be lucky
We live on opposite ends of the house
few words are spoken
our communication broken
When he died we began to mend
I thought, at least it was for something
Maybe he left for us to find meaning
so that we, you and me
would come together again
Now you offer me a faint smile
and I'm not sure if it's sincere
and I cry tears
thinking that we have missed the point, again.

i thought of you late last night
at night
at night
when my brain goes into overdrive
How contrite you were when i said my final goodbye
our love
our love
you let it die

How magnificent is that moment
when we realise
what we have been searching for
the blinding light
it came from you

When I was three
I must have been free
From all this fear now surrounding me
But as I got older
The world just got colder
And I was overwhelmed with a feeling I could not take it for much longer.


My mum told me to get a ******* grip
‘How else are you going to survive on this life long trip?’

I replied, ‘But mum all the innocence has gone,
the world is not right…everything is wrong.’


It didn’t take a day
And it didn’t take a week
It just took some other time
For me to realize
The path to seek.

I’m looking for freedom.

I wanted to show you all the magic

you didn't even glance


why can't you see what the universe keeps telling you

it's very clear

if only you'd ask

What did they say to the children of tomorrow?

                          A leader can only lead, if one will follow.

I wanted to let you know what I did last night
it went something like this
and I think you'll be surprised...

I met Sheila who lives two roads down
and you'll never believe what we saw in town...

The fireworks took off like rockets in the sky
the joy on children's faces
it was enough to make you cry

I saw a lot more
but of what I can't say
because the point of my story
is what I'm just about to convey

Whatever we witnessed,
I observed a lot more,
I was omniscient of every thought,
of every emotion, of everything,
I felt it all
deep within.

I don't want to cause dissension
as I can imagine you don't believe
but what I say is true
and one day I hope you'll see.

The magic of it all
and I think you'll be surprised
is you can feel it too -
if you only close your eyes.

You weren't yourself
you didn't tell us you were leaving
but we knew you would
and if only you could see
We have all changed now
in our own ways
I can't remember us changing like this before
and maybe it's because you haven't been here

Another poem, he became.

The subject
of her pen.

Content pertaining to sadness
titled: the melancholy of love.

We took the photos down from the wall
we couldn't bear to look at them all.
But thoughts of you crept in my mind
they never were far behind.
I tore through the pages of the photo albums
trying to remember
but my mind was so clouded.
A younger you and a younger me
my heartbeat raced
it was trying to break free.
It broke everyone when you left
1 - 2- 3 we were missing a guest
the missing seat
the missing card
my mind tormented, my mind scarred.
Still -
unable to utter to the others
the pain swirling inside still undiscovered
still unwilling to escape
surely your exit was a mistake.
The emotions of loss come in the unlikeliest of waves
and I thought of us then, in the sea
memories that I cannot suppress.
Walking past the living room,
where I expect to see you smile
but no one is there and they haven't been for a while
All our lives, they flow like waves
I will think of you
the rest of my days.

When you feel like the battle has been lost
remember one thing
you chose every moment
and there was nothing in this world you could not carry

Oh I wish you knew
All the things I would do
Just to remain
In an eternity with you.

I thought about you
The sun was shining irregularly for such a winters day
And I remembered how much you loved the sunshine
I remembered how much you loved me and how promises of forever had flown from your lips all the way into my arms that were stretched out ready to catch them.
Words really are just words
Because on the hottest of days you were so cold
And there was so much space between us
What was unsaid was still heard
And it really hurt-
My heart,
But that’s just how some stories go.
The polarities between you and I
Were now so vivid in my minds eye.
Bus journeys sat in silence
Dinner eaten without a word spoken
A love we thought
But now totally broken
And the contrast between you and I
So vivid and unpredicted
In my minds eye.

Heartbreak had us at our knees
making pacts with God
for him to piece together this old friend of mine

Everybody wept
                       then we swept up the mess

He spoke,
The words poured into my heart.
He left,
The crumbled letters burst out like thunder from the heavens.

Feeling pensive
feeling you
thought of all the **** we put each other through.

Rained tonight
sky's warm and still bright
maybe we'll see a rainbow
you said we just might.

I hated the police sirens
because I couldn't hear what you said

Come closer and sit with me for a while
it's been a moment
since we were wild.
I hope now we're older we can elevate
I hope the sirens stop
so I don't miss a word
and I hope everything I said
you heard.

Sometimes it's so hard to be strong
haven't seen you for so long
Sometimes I can't even ******* breathe
forced to beat my chest for some relief
Sometimes I can't hold back my tears
crying on the train
sorrowful thoughts driving me insane
Sometimes crying when I see the brightest star in the sky
so sure that it is you
so far yet nearby
Sometimes I can't lie about how I feel anymore
the hurt is still so so raw
Sometimes I think someday I'll be okay
but the pain of missing you hurts more and more
everyday

Your eyes gently close
I hold you closer to me
The closeness of sleep

The taste of loss -
it was indescribable and there were really no words I could gather together for you to understand.
'You're doing great.'
- that platitude we know oh too well and one that rings around the eardrums of everyone not doing great -
like drums in the parade, you hear it louder and louder aligned with the procession of what was to come next.
The drums stop, uncertainty and silence sweeps in while we all search for an answer.
No one else could really connect with the gravitas of our situation
and while our sorrow began to carry us away -
to another place -
gravity kept our feet firmly to the ground.
We played his old jazz music to make up for the dissonance in the emptier house
the house without his idiosyncratic footsteps
the house saturated with his electric guitars
- but without the player who would use the tips of their fingers for the chords.
Although not pious, we knew you had reached Nirvana and for that I had to be content, give my consent
because the consensus was you never convalesced.
So you transcended and travelled -
while we had spiralled on this earthly plane -
in opposite directions we went
but somehow still it feels like you never left.

I can't just write without purpose
that would be too easy
and I definitely couldn't write about you again
the subject of all my thoughts -
my entire content -
the centre of it all.
This time
this time, they say, it will be different
we will rewrite our stories with something new and unimaginable
this time
this time.

Here you go again
telling us what's wrong

You tell me the same story with a different character this time,
all I can think is,
you need to learn your lesson before you can move on
the universe isn't finished with you yet
it hasn't even started.

I don't remember the colours
looking so bright
and distinguished from each other
You tell me,
I have not been looking
I did not want to open my eyes
until now
until i saw the contrasting shapes and colours all colliding all collating together
all at once
this is what it is like
walking through the woods in Autumn

Our journey alone
Although impossible to be
Lonely
In this place
Encounters infinite
Time travels
New worlds begin
We begin again alone
Yet not

What if there was free choice
and my fate hadn't already been determined?
Could I choose the red pill even though I was meant to pick the blue
there were infinite possibilities
I could walk into.

I still hadn't really dealt with my sadness
it's funny how your feelings can sometimes swallow you up
whole
without any real logic behind it
that really was power of thought.
I created this vision of you and I
and saw the future in my mind's eye
but we both know that never came to pass
you saw something different and chose another path -
and that's totally okay
because somethings are just not meant to be
although I saw it differently
for you and me.

I can't change who I am
but I can change my thoughts
and I can't forget you
not even if I tried
but I can change what I think of you

'I miss you' -
crept into my mind.
I detangled every letter -
like my twisted headphones every morning
and I threw the words away -

not to be echoed into existence.

The last few days of summer,
we picked up Chinese food -
as we walked home -
it was still so warm -
even at 9pm -
and the slow trickle of rain made us think we were in Thailand or one of those tropical countries we'd always spoken of travelling to.

Speaking of -
we talked about religion and you told me there was no such thing
just rules and beliefs that we attached to
in order for some purpose.
You asked me to pass you the sweet and sour sauce
because the food was bland
and you hated anything lacklustre -
if it was -
you didn't want it -
so sometimes I was surprised you wanted me
and while we carried on talking about faith and people
i was distracted by this thought but too distracted by fear to ever echo it aloud.

There was silence between us -
tired from it all -
bodies now aching -
but how content I was -
and i basked in how comfortable and satisfying
the sound of nothing was -
no interference -
no white noise -
i didn't know that a sound could taste like home

Thoughts of you quickly evolved into thoughts of us
and I nearly missed my stop
but luckily the lavender smell on my wrist brought me back to this earthly plane

I wondered whether I should wait for you to text me
while I wondered what you were doing
even though we'd just said goodbye
so caught up in the rapture was I
because I had seen the kindest being through my eyes
Not something I was familiar with in a world that was sometimes so selfish and so self indulged
and then there was you

I thought I would wait to text
as to not be so keen
and my euphoric bliss carried me home
in an other worldly dream

I'll always love you but I need to walk away
and there you went
before I could even have my say

I'll always be here but I need to walk away
you were unable to meet my eyes
and i thought about all the things that had tied
us together
and how we had unravelled
so ferociously
like a ballet dancer
pirouetting
endlessly

I'll always think of you but I need to walk away
thoughts we didn't need
please
do not remind me
of a time I'd rather forget
memories that need to be left in the past
and maybe they will become less and less as time passes
as we both walk away

I built a wall you couldn't climb
you dared to jump
but it was too high
The Nephilim wouldn't be able to tear these bricks down
and you said it in passing
as the red buses passed us by.
Our fingers brushed
but couldn't intertwine
you looked at me
while I faced the other side.
By now, I thought you would have given up
A patient man
A patient man
I was grateful for your patience
and you were grateful for me
but at what expense?
I built a wall so high
that no one could climb
so high
so high
it surpassed the sky

Trying to chase after you
you you
wouldn't even look round at me
Once you have your mind set
It's settled
Your mum even said how stubborn you are
just like her
but I would learn to love you
or put up with it
in her words
And I even stopped the ladies in Wandsworth Common
I did
They were bemused
And I was confused
but all of this was really old news
because you had decided to choose something new
In reflection
I suppose
I shouldn't have so much disdain
for something new
it's a feeling I should
I suppose
get used to.