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Stefania S May 2016
the music plays
my mouth sealed
not my mind
an endless hamster wheel

envious they say
my freedom appealing
enticing
seductive

the endless lonely night terrors
and pin-dropping
silent morning hours,
overlooked

freedom at a price
touch long forgotten
brief reprieve
singular

tears in private
always
no soothers about

and eventually
a heavyweight
eight-hundred pound
should lifts

the world it seems,
concrete
but, remember
freedom

darkened room
touch yourself
quake
breathe, wonder

a monster
you question
anger sets in
veil lifts
they sense it

not easy
never was
sniff elsewhere

bitter *****
they slam
but why?
use me
then what

a pearl at
the neck
she'll not know
suspect, initially
rare
i know

so that
then i'll smile?
i'll spread
myself
opening my
soul
punctuation *******

remind me
the prize
more empty nights
more freedom

expectations
none
safety net
eggshell soul

barbed-wire heart
internal bleed
oozing cut
dripping trail

razor-blade smile,
nod of the head
yes, freedom
it's wonderful
Stefania S May 2016
the bed
draped, my
eyes
a glaze
the scene

teeth at my lip
a blink
maybe
laughter
tease you are
why not?

at my ear,
buttercup, pray now
won't be god's name you call to later
Stefania S May 2016
pain is
my heart pounding
my mouth dry
my tears hot and sticky

pain is
loss
poverty
loneliness

pain is
questioning
not knowing
hiding

pain is
any empty bed
an empty home
an empty heart

pain is
silence
your voice
my own

pain is
eating meals in silence
being overlooked
trusting the wrong people

pain is
missing someone i've never had
missing a woman i once was

pain is being broken
pain is peppered through days in small doses
pain is breathing fire into a closed tin can that fits in your pocket
Stefania S Apr 2016
yankee scribe
lunchtime, fitted sheets
sometimes the mask drops

let's be passion,
i exalt

yes, please
i would
i want to

spongy memory
prospecting

listen
long ago
slipstream

please
draw it shut

faded
bold
transcendent
Stefania S Apr 2016
and
and i rose
again
to work
thursday
and i'm tired
days
pouring
together
you, my friend
pained
worried
alone
no nurse here
comfort
hands
heart
play that song
listen
read
know
i am here
living
breathing
longing
leave that place
come
stay
live
i said it
sorry
open
disclosed
and i hope
silly
i
know
you are shocked
see
clearly
now
not the first
tremble
bow
kiss
and i hide
Stefania S Apr 2016
i become
a monster
enraged
projecting
reminded

my pain
an axe
guts
heart
soul

you laugh
silly girl
never
always
only

i smile
i know
same
pain
between

but still
i shrink
shying
hiding
plummeting

dear girl
you ask
who
when
never

and tears
fearful always
alert
guarded
wise

don't woman
it hurts
seeing
feeling
knowing

it's noise
it's static
eyes
heart
hand

i smile
he is
only
mine
ever
Stefania S Apr 2016
that night
remember
i'd dug a hole
sick, the sand cold and wet

you ****** me
the room spinning madly
my eyes silenced
& my mouth pained

your need outweighing my own
you are spent and my urge to die, passing
silenced, your heart betraying even there
beachside villa
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