I'm a ******
I don't do drugs or drink
my only flaw is how much I think
I don't believe in God but I believe in me
And I don't know where I belong on my family tree

I don't propose that **** is based on a girl's clothes
I suppose I'm dumb or brilliant but who really knows
You could say that I'm narcissistic or have low self-esteem
with a girlfriend with a pocketless pocket and a head full of dreams

Whoa that didn't flow, that last line
Imperfect effort seems to be an attribute of mine
Look at this rhyme scheme, it's so diverse
I guess I can get away with this; I couldn't get any worse
One favorite, three favorite, fifty-four
Give me validation, I could always use some more
Hello, Hellopoetry! You've been so forgiving
of my beautiful poetry that reflects an ugly way of living
Tell me, tell me: Should I write more?
What if my sadness is gone, and my melancholy no more?
Will you still love me if I write about crinkle-cut fries?

"****. No more suicide poems, does this kid still try?"

Is there still a Josh Haines if he no longer cries?
Is there still a Josh Haines if he doesn't wanna die?
Is there still a Josh Haines if he starts to fall?
Is there still a Josh Haines if he gets it all?
Is there still a Josh Haines after every kiss?
Is there still a Josh Haines after he writes all of this?

Eh. Maybe, baby. Maybe.

I sell for a living.
But not the kind of selling
you do at the supermarket
and not the kind you do on the net
but the kind where I give parts of me
to strangers I will never again see.

Strangers like the boy with the pretty eyes
and the woman shedding tears
and the gentleman with many stories.

I give away the parts of me
I think will make others smile
an ear for you sir
and a part of my heart to you madamme
would you like a hand? a dimple?
Let me know because I give it all
and when you leave
don't say goodbye,
let me believe
and dream that one day we will meet again
and you will give those parts back
so I can be whole once again
for the one who would have cared

~

On the waves of a dream,
I lay waiting on shore,
a cold beach this night
beneath a burdened moon
crying stardust


I sink slowly
into the wet sand…
pleading with the waters
for answers to shamed questions,
while counting the shades of violet
framing a weeping sky


Thoughts flow like the tides
on an endless journey,
weaving contours and
bends deep within
this sorrow that washes
over me


I watch as these waves slip away,
carrying hopes still lingering
and exposing the loss I feel
fiercely crashing
before my eyes,
in opaque foam


I can barely move,
my body is still,
my breath salted and tethered,
as I reach
for shadows of my memories,
only to find them…


whispering goodbye
*on the breeze

Forget it ever happened
We'll be the same

All the hurt feelings go away
Smile like the day before yesterday

Put on the happy mask
Leave the pain in the past

Pretend it wasn't real
Maybe then we won't feel

Fake the trust that said bye
Act like it's as easy to come by

Our love is honestly real
So we'll ignore the confusion we feel