If alcohol kills brain cells
Why can't it **** memories?
I ask this question of my glass
Though it is more of a prayer

she's been staring at blank pages
tapping her pencil against the desk
shaking her foot
she's been staring at blank pages
lost for inspiration.

she's started to cry
late at night
sometimes in the day
she's got a weight on her chest
she overwhelmed with emotions.

She's been filling up those blank pages
pencil swishing back and forth
paintings
drawings
poems
stories
each tear drop
a new chapter
every sniffle
a stroke of the brush

overjoyed to produce lovely work
dying from the pain
loathing the necessity
that artists
need to be miserable
in some way
or another
to be great

I find it tragically beautiful;
How angry I am and how much I love you
Or did.
Hard to tell if I still do when I'm too hung up on remembering you.

Every single detail, bittersweet.
My heart pounds as I can feel how close we used to be
Both physically and spiritually.
Can't breathe.
The hardest part of this is not knowing whether you think of me.

My mind is flooded with images and sound:

How you used to crinkle your nose, your luscious brown hair and silky olive skin,
The way your voice glided into the most beautiful high notes,
And yet
You always hated all that I loved.

Now, I fear, you resent my caring for you and tending to your wounds

You are gorgeous, even when you leave.
What a lovely bird; what spiteful wings.

I know you love me
And I was silly
To ever think
You never could

I want to marry you
And see your pretty face
Every morning when I wake up
And go to sleep
I want to provide for you
Take care of you
Be your shoulder to cry on
When you weep
I want to do domestic things
Like make you meals
And take you out
I even want your babies
To raise and watch bloom
Into beauties
Just like you
I not only want to partake
In new and exciting adventures
But all those things too
Because I love you
Inside and out
I want my one life
My whole life
To be lived with you
Every experience
Fun and dull
I want you there
To kiss you
Whenever I please
Make love to you
Every day
In every way
You're an epic
Love of mine
I hope that you will be
For the rest of time

A cup of milk
Three egg whites
One broken heart
A splash of inspiration
A dash of a cutting addiction
A few years of a mild eating disorder
But recently, it has aged and become stronger
A hearty helping of low self-esteem
A handful of ****** childhood memories
A pinch of restlessness and insomnia
A lifetime of battles

The end result will be worth the fight.

I fell for a boy.

with hair long and eyes blue

And he never knew

   the hold he had on me

even when I told him this truth

I fell for a boy.

who told me my god was not real

and left me questioning

what to feel

I fell for a boy.

who left me in tears

He hurt me like hell

Sobs he would never hear

I fell for a boy.

who cut his hair later that year

But I still whisper “you’re beautiful”

soft enough he cannot hear

I fell for a boy.

who has a soul

instead of a heart

but there’s a hole,

where that heart once was

I fell for a boy.

who’s my best friend

who loses my number

and likes my female companion

I fell for a boy.

who I would give the world

but from him

I still receive scorn

I fell for a boy

who has feelings he never shows

and knows not

how much I know

I fell for a boy.

who hates poetry and deep things

and I know he doesn’t care

for that part of me

I fell for a boy.

who leaves me feeling confused

yet I have not the courage

to express to him this abuse