Sadness is beautiful
when
         you
                become
                             a lover
                                        of it.

In parallel universe
stars
        count
                  on us
                            too

Lost count of days
But you are all that I miss

भूल गया हूं ये दिन रात और ये सवेरा भी, पर तुम ही तो थी जो याद बहुत खूब थी

Ok love hear me out, I know it doesn't matter anymore but I am writing this message when I have no hope left or whatsoever. You have your reasons to be I had mine. For a time I thought by forgetting the past we can move on, these past days felt exactly how I wanted our relationship to be. I never said you or made you realise how much hurt was I at times and I was okay with it because I had you and I will always put you first over anything even if it means work, yes work and at times you knew how much you meant to me over anything. I find myself in the scariest places I have put myself through the hell of trying to win this losing relationship but i feel it's been going nowhere at all as you have made up your mind cause that's what you asked me, in mind it was okay if I lose. there's no purpose in living i feel when I can't even feel anything I have been dead inside before and I know how worse does that feel, lately my emotions are detached and i feel tangled up like wires, chaos within. Our call that night, thank you you were there with me but that's how I feel exactly every moment, dead.
On that video call where we didn't talk I was looking at you and I don't know what your eyes usually tell others but right then you gave away a secret I learnt to say "I know". I will be always be with a tagline 'Let me feel again, Anything. Everything. Please. I will take it all.' and you understood me. 2020 has been a struggle as you can say, but for me, particularly, it's been a struggle everyday. I believed in you with my everything and I don't blame you for anything. Last time I needed time I sat in a place of peace and sweetness, and my thoughts about you and us became poetry but, the moment I came back it was too late and you were gone. Love, I write this to say that I love you and always will, and to prove it, I could end myself but  it's not that I'm scared, but i would end myself, not knowing, if you smiled, when you knew, i loved you more than myself. Love, I have to thank you for everything everyday no need to go into detail and you know now without explaining I am what I feel. Currently empty, like a plant left over. Love, you are my sunflower, warm, yellow blooming joy infectious as sunshine which puts a smile over my face, golden in the light and my perfection. No matter what you will be growing through my heart, warm with happiness and love. You were my sigh of relief and now you're gone and I’m sitting here gasping for air. My eyes have dried with the tears I've cried and now I am empty, I've got nothing to give and now I am done, I've got nothing to look upto. I'm fine, if not completely at the moment, I will be, sometime later. I love you and take care, Yours soon to be unknown.

To love someone, is hard.
It feels like someday everything will grow apart.

To love someone, is precarious.
It feels as if the world will end and I'll fall down.

But to love you, is ethereal.
It feels like watching the sun sets.
Slowly and all at once, out of sight.

To love you, is surreal.
It feels like watching the flowers bloom, in winter's cold.
Almost impossible.

To love you, is a blesssing.
It's like watching the brightest star in the darkest sky.
Igniting the light in me.

And to be loved by you, is an honor.
It feels as if I am on top of the world.
Witnessing only the beauty and grace the earth keeps.

I loved you, love you and love forever.

Often staying low in the crowd
But often awake

Not comfortable but i try to be
thoughts start to come in and
Starting to question everything
and regret my every sin

So it starts with
Like what will I do tomorrow
But as time passes by thoughts escalate
Till I'm drowning in my sorrow

Remembering all my failures 
Even details of what I did wrong
After hours of recalled pain
convincing myself that I don't belong

Ending up feeling isolated
like the silence of my night will never end
I feel like I will never escape
There's too much I just can't mend

Everything Everyone's
Tearing me apart
Just needs to ask myself
Why I can't I put myself back together

Put myself in the crowd, but I am
Often staying low, in the crowd
But often awake
Battling myself
Battling thoughts
Each time
Every day.

So, I am Often staying low in the crowd
But often awake