Dry dust touches my lips as the very essence of my soul slips away into the darkness.
Wind tangles my hair as happiness becomes a distant memory.
Tears shimmer on my cheek as I whisper "I love you" one last time.

Although I do not share your beliefs, I take out a crumbled up parchment with Corinthians 5:1 and begin to read aloud...
Finished I look up to catch your mother's gaze.
Her eyes soft and piercing.
She has been crying fro days.
She doesn't blink, doesn't speak.
And I know exactly what she is saying.

It is my fault we are lowering your body into the earth.  
It is my fault we will never see you smile again.

It is my fault...

Gasping for air I turn to leave.
Trembling more with every step.

It is my fault...

Finally out of sight I collapse.
Silently screaming your name.

It is my fault...

Never should I have left.
Never should I have gone.

It is my fault...

I should have answered.
I should have called.

It is my fault.
Dear Sister.
It is my fault.

Do you know what I was, how I lived?  You know
what despair is; then
winter should have meaning for you.

I did not expect to survive,
earth suppressing me. I didn't expect
to waken again, to feel
in damp earth my body
able to respond again, remembering
after so long how to open again
in the cold light
of earliest spring--

afraid, yes, but among you again
crying yes risk joy

in the raw wind of the new world.

I'm down in the dirt again,
But my tires have worn tread,
so I'm stuck in my shoes.
      I step down the bumpy way,
and waste my whole ******* day,
to try to get back to you.
??/??/2012

Why am I here?
Am I simply a placeholder
Sitting
In hopes of a way out
Maybe, no, yes, I'm just a placebo
Easing my way through a loophole
Accessing every cheat code
Now it seems I've run out of cheats
Taking them for granted to complete
Task after task after task.
Or, have I just run out of luck
Dreading this day
I guess it has struck
Even though I've been waiting for it.

So many words for you.
But I'll keep them to myself... wrong time, wrong place,
With a mindset that'll leave behind a bitter taste.
This winter was indeed the coldest, showing no mercy
Hopefully the new leaf relieves me of my duty.
It kills me, but I hope it's true.

So which one of us really played the fool?
You broke them, and since you broke them I decided to bend them rules.
Are we both wrong, remember the song, is the answer yes or... is that wrong, too?
It makes me really wonder what was really taboo.

Every word saved for you...
Has been picked from an unknown, uncharted void.
Each of these dead petals I'd rather set fire to
And erase any trace of this little twist in fate.
Wait, would I, could I really say, stay day to day that way?
**** me first, before that's true.

This.
this moment,
before the now gives over
to cobwebs and dusty pleasures.
This opportunity.
Presently unwrapped,
spirals wasted into the breathtaking dawn.
Now
with the hideous cawing
and honest sunshine
stand bare,
and tell me that you have no regrets.

And I
Was so stuck
On my own
Little
Problems
That I totally
Missed
That you were
Suicidal
Too.