It's not difficult, dear.
Just slip under the covers,
and let me love you until your sadness escapes through the open window
above our bed.

I sensed I was forgetting something
possibly school work or I left something on

I figured I should go on the internet and see who's birthdays i forgot about

and it was yours

Today is your birthday
I forgot your birthday

I didn't know that something so small could bring me so much
relief
joy

this means that I finally am over you
a calender of your life is no longer singed in my brain
i can't feel the rough creases of your hands on my skin anymore

your lips in my head are just another one on my flirty list
and your boisterous laugh is a distant echo that I can't make out

I thought I loved you
But I was in love with the idea of you
I was in love with your potential

but it is known that nothing flourished
and now that the false love has died in my head

it will also die in my heart

this is how we fall out of love

everything someone finds beautiful about me
is untrue

in my eyes at least

Earl says he wants to **** the freckles off my face
but in reality its skin damage which seems to have engulfed the human race
with these girls sitting in sun ovens
coming out smelling like a burnt person

why is it in the 5th grade boys didn't like my freckles
and now the internet is obsessed with something i hated about myself

why is it that all of my pain turns into someone's romantic story

having a good memory isn't all it's cracked up to be
yes i can remember most wifi passwords i've entered
every lyric to a song that i've heard more than 5 times
quotes in movies after hearing them once
secrets people told me in the 2nd grade
throwing a flower into the casket of my late grandfather

yes yes i remember all of these pointless facts
maybe i'm good at winning arguments
but in reality i use all of this clutter
to cover up what i really want to hide
not from you
but myself
because some things we cannot forgive
no matter what we learn over time

us humans have trouble forgetting

and then this depression i feel every day
holding me in bed
i feel like i'm trapped in the warmth
because when i get up all i expect is disappointment
and sadness

do you have any idea what that even feels like?
you post all of these stupid depression quotes

but in reality i don't think you understand
because if you were REALLY depressed

you wouldn't want anyone to know you're hurting
no one could understand the hole in your chest that isn't there
the constant sickness that shows no symptoms

and the idea that you can just "get up and get over it"

there is NOTHING romantic about thinking about JERKING the wheel
there is nothing POETIC about wondering how much pain you would feel
if you cut up the stream, not across the river

there is nothing beautiful about mental illness
and no one will understand that

unless they find the day
where they're laying in bed
and they would rather dream of flying
and casting spells on our enemies
maybe saving a whole litter of puppies
in their dreams

where in reality its 3:30 pm and you've been asleep for 14 hours

but that doesn't matter does it?
because in this fake dream i feel better than my real life

so you only want me when i sleep,
in my dreams
we are holding hands
and we are sewn together
like the most complex seam-
we are connected like
eve to adam's ribs.

in my dreams
we are sitting on my back porch,
smoking till our lungs turn black
drinking till the sun comes up
until you forget your way back home
so you decide to stay over
and you sleep in my bed
then you do that thing with your fingers
or that thing with your mouth,
you ask me to *** first
and we are a symphony
of moans and shouts.

in my dreams
i know your fears
wishes and dreams
like i know every word
to my favorite pop song
and you know how to judge
me by the the language of my looks.

in my dreams
when we come together
we are never apart
your name is attached to mine
like toilet paper to a shoe...
okay, maybe something a little
less clumsy
doesn't matter
because i'm still connected to you.

in my dreams
when me and your parents meet
we get along without missing a beat
and your mother pulls out,
dusts off
the photo albums and automatically
sets off your sighs
your fathers laughter reverberates through the house
and your dog won't stop licking at my shoes.

in my dreams
every kiss feels like the first
and every time our noses bump
we laugh and the wrinkles
beneath your eyes are
wide and out in the open.
i can trace them with my finger tips
without being afraid of what you
will say
without fear of you pulling away.

yes, we are in love my dreams
we are one in my dreams
we are meant to be in my dreams.

when i wake up
it is just me.