You like the pain
It keeps you alive, doesn't it
But you've always wondered why

Maybe it all started when you were a little girl
Beaten and whipped by the man you wished your mother never married
You thought he loved you and was just scolding you for your mistakes
It wasn't until your mother filed papers for child abuse against him when you realized what happened

Back then you were scared and confused
Still a little girl

Maybe it started when you were forced against that wall
Taken against your will and losing your innocence
Although your mental innocence had been lost long before
But then you realized what that man did was bad, although you kept quiet about it

Back then you less scared but more confused
Not a little girl anymore

Maybe it was when you had your heart broken for the first time
The pain in your chest was so tight it felt like someone reached inside you and grabbed your organs and just squeezed
You cried so much until your tear ducts ran dry
But then you realized that you were scared of the pain, so you did everything to please someone just so they wouldn't hurt you

Back then you were terrified but no longer confused
Slowly growing up

Maybe it was when you first put the blade to your wrists
Watched the blood drip down your pale skin and just smiled through it
You didn't cry, you were silent about it
But then you realized you enjoyed this pain, and continued to do it until your wrists were covered in ugly scars

Now you're feeling emotionless, a stone statue on the outside
But you're still a scared little ******* the inside

And it's true
I'm ******* terrified

hell never looked so heavenly a place,
at 3am
where sleep is nowhere to be found
I can't close my eyes,
without seeing your face

And I swore to you
I'd be the one to hold us together
But now
I'm the reason were falling to pieces

Memories come back
The way you touched me
Electricity burning through my skin
Never wanting to stop

Maybe if I didn't raise my voice
And scream in your face
Maybe if I tried a little harder
To be a better me

But it's all me
I lost my temper
There's no sunshine after the rain
Just more overcast days

That turn into gloomy nights
Full of self hatred
Regret shame
I promise I'll never raise my voice again

I guess I never knew
The effect I had
In this battle of love and hate
But I'm starting to learn

B.G.K