i fear the death of a loved one more than my own death

i can remember the small moments before hearing of someone's death

i can remember every millisecond

silence
numbness
disbelief

they're saying she killed herself
they're saying she killed herself
they're saying she killed herself

time stops in death

frozen
and
embedded
into my mind
into my life

the mental scars
i carry
a wound that never heals

you know the look
the look
when you feel eyes on the side of your face
but you're not completely sure
so you turn
instantly catching them
looking
their addictive
ice blue eyes
staring
and then quickly they're gone
looking somewhere else
like the floor or  
out the window or
pretending to be deep in thought
but
you know that they've been looking
because you've caught them twice before

I run into the melody.

the crimson sounds hug me.

i ever struck a still place.

it was a singing rose.