I hardly new a girl once
in High School she was a Home
Coming queen in her late
forties now probably
married with kids
and a husband spreading
out a little
but when he stares into
almond eyes he still sees
a petite girl
with a raspy voice even though
she's never smoked
a day but maybe inhaled the Hours.

I am sick
The sky is green
My stomach turns inside out
Your words are yellow
I can't avoid them
My skin is orange
My eyes are black
Black like I'm wearing shades but I'm not
It's black like a rotting banana that's leaving a smell
Attracting attention
I'm chain smoking through days
Not liking the taste
Coughing up deconstruction
Collapsed stomach and lungs
I'm sick because
I'm unravelling like a golden thread
Like a tent full of birds
Until there's nothing but purple left
Hands wave from a train I need to be on
To stain me velvet red
To mix me yellow
And to dye me brown
Like they want to plant a garden in my fingertips
And write a novel on my skin
About strangers and fumbling for wrists to hold like the world is empty
Hands that make you fall from your graces
About walking into a bar and finding God
About sunshine falling from the gaps between teeth

.
Little one, before the heart was born,
You were there, already, waiting,
Riding on a star that shoots the skies.

Little one, when the night disappeared
You were the warm, gleaming sun,
Made for a journey of days rebirthing.

Little one, now only memories are sad,
In the hollow room, little one lit the stage,
She wrote the page, drew the lost signs
Saying— we are enwrapped, alive, joined
With farthest reaches of light— little one.

They say it's easy
If something's missing, explore
There's a whole, wide world
You'll find your "something more"

But I'm no Magellan
And Columbus was a *****
They crossed whole oceans
And never found it

It's ****** to feel
Like you actually **** at
Your only talent