You know it's crazy
How in one months time everything can change
I look back on all the tears I wasted
The nights I cried for you
And to you
And you could not be moved
The nights that were the darkest
Where it took all I had not to crawl out of my skin
And I wonder how could I
Have placed so much into another imperfect human being
But now
My eyes have cleared
And I no longer keep my head above water
I float. And I marvel in it.
Because now I realize
That you are not my universe
Just like loving him was not in my nature
And those before him were not gods
I am the master of what is
And God is the master of what will be
And knowing this
Has changed my life

did his lips taste different
last night than they did in january?
did the flavor I left on your lips
three hours before mix well
with the bitterness of his tongue in your mouth?
are his hands stronger than mine baby?
did they hold you better than mine could?

I love you
dow
       w
           n
to your jagged,
         dark edges
culling smoke
               and twisting tides
                  your steaming heart
              that pulses, in my hands
          as you give it-
and the pungent tears
when they fall
         from your eyes
I lick up your pain
to soothe it smooth
its rawness catching
       velvet ripples of skin
I pull a blanket
of mahogany wine
over your soul
          lacerations
that seep out
              from the layers within

and in that tender of
nightfall's darkest foliage
I long to calm
your monsters' clawing
as they gnaw at you from
                  the inside out

I crave to fill
the hollowed-out longing
my own hungers writhing
      in obscene
                      devout

For I am all that is sacred and wild
the spark has been lit
from my innermost rooms
I dance to the drums of
the woman as child
her mystical ways chanting
rhythms in runes

Demons might dance
as you gaze in reflection
in the mirror of time,
of unfiltered space
      but I adore all your sides,
          your imperfections
discern the divine
in the planes of your face
You are my galaxy
              of dark matter
bringing out my
           own looking glass
                         of vantablack
in a feral crown of obsidian
                             and onyx
as you reach me deep,
there's no going back

For when you love me like that,
plant your tameless,
                            hot seed
it blossoms within me
a tightly-wrapped tourniquet
               for when I bleed
and if my guts
should spill upon
               the  floor
you will remind me,
in glowing of pores
           of who I am
and how I am whole
a lovelight lit in the
storm of my soul
I will push down deeper
until I feel those roots
that connect me to
my center
  to my
succulent fruit
So slice me open.
     Pull me apart.
Let the juice run down
to heal
     your
jagged-edged
               heart

Here i am.
In front of you; me.
I am a person, and i am
so far away from ordinary.
I have problems, i feel things,
sometimes maybe too deeply than
they should be felt, but that's how i am.
People get close, really close, and then boom.
They're gone, just like a quick snap of the fingers.
We used to be close, but you left and i stayed to break.
My heart aches for your attention, for your precious love.
But i can't make you want me, or crave me in such ways.
Its been a while since we've last spoken and i miss you.
I see you sometimes, and when i do, it's like fresh air.
But it's strange too, because my eyes look for you,
and when you don't see the person that you love
it becomes easy to realize that you're empty.
You no longer care to look for me anymore
and spend your days looking for her.
So if had courage to tell you words.
I would tell you that, if she makes you happy,
love her.

the day I lost you
was the day my knees
begged the floor
to try and lift my body.

I am a lamb in a wulf's body
I am a rabbit in a tigers skin
I am a mouse in a cats life
I am a angel with the devil's wings
I am a dream saw as a nightmare
Get to know me
Because I'm not as I seem