I can't sleep
My brain won't stop
Awake and dreaming in the daylight
Awake and dreaming in the dark
Your face keeps appearing
But I know it's not really you
A dream is all that I have left
to hold on to

Your words have no meaning
But I listen anyway
They glide out of your mouth
like hot liquid
words you would never say
I can't sleep
I can't stop
I'll keep pretending
I can't get enough

I know that you are gone
But some stubborn part of me thinks you're just away
that I'll glance over my shoulder
and you'll be back to stay

I hate myself

you're starting
to get
sick of
me calling
you
beautiful all the
time.

I just never
know what
to say after
getting lost
in your
eyes.

i want it all.
your sleepy murmurs in my ear
as you drift away on a sea of dreams, the
gentle strokes of your fingers,
soft against my spine, the way
you hold me with your whole body.

i watched the moonlight draining onto
your bedroom walls as i lay beside your
slumbering warmth & felt something like happiness
radiating from my core.  your sheets danced with shadowplay
as i listened to your steady breaths
in & out,
couldn’t bear to slip away.

here’s the truth:
your arms feel like home,
like safety,
like a place i never want to leave.  
when you held me in that meadow,
wrapped in dreams & lust & a stark-flecked sky,
whispered the first i-love-you,
i wanted it all.

i want it all,
want to be yours,
crave you in the most indelible of ways,
urgent & deathless.
it’s finally time.  throwing out the razors.
cleansing the smoke from my lungs.
trading the bad habits i wear like shackles
to drown in your skin & sweat & sunshine.

maybe i don’t have a good reason for wanting it.
maybe i just know.

Your eyes are telling a tale
Everywhere you go

Your steps are making rhythms
silent and slow

Your head was never high
Nor does your voice

Every tremble of your hands
Every quiver on your lips
I know.