Heal me preacher
Do what you can
Heal me preacher
I'm a godless man
Heal me preacher
Deliver me from sin
Heal me preacher
Make me new again
Hear me preacher
I cry in my sleep
Hear me preacher
Listen to me weep
Hear me preacher
I shout your name
Hear me preacher
I scream in pain
Help me preacher
I've lost my way
Help me preacher
I'm dying today
Save me preacher
I hold out my hand
Save me preacher
No one else can

The Preacher comes to visit us
A dozen times a week.
He comes so bless-ed often,
And Lordy does he speak!
At night or noon or morning
You’ll likely find him there;
Screaming out his warning
Astride the Preacher’s Chair.

The Preacher’s Chair is empty
When the Preacher ain’t around.
Grandpa used to sit there
‘Fore the Preacher came to town.
But the Preacher’s got the recipe
For emptying that seat –
Don’t tell the Preacher ‘bout your sins,
He knows when to repeat!

The Preacher talks to Jimmy –
How he lectures to that lad!
Tells him that he’ll go to Blazes
‘Cause he’s been so bad.
But Mama thinks that Jimmy,
He’s been good beyond compare.
And someday when the Preacher’s gone
He’ll fill the Preacher’s Chair.

The Preacher’s Chair is gone now,
But it’ll soon be back.
The Preacher still comes all the time,
And Lordy does he yack!
Now when the Preacher needs to sit,
He can do it anywhere.
‘Cause Jimmy spread a *** of glue
Upon the Preacher’s Chair!

I fell in love with you because you told me that it would be okay
plus you said you wanted to be a preacher so
I just knew I could believe what you promised

it was so great, I swear

you said you loved me on our second date because I was
unlike any girl you'd ever met and you
wanted me forever and always
and you were gonna be a preacher and you prayed for me
and I really really believed you

God, I was in love

it happened so fast and it was long distance
not like from here to Boston but
two hours was kind of far and I
asked you to prom on your birthday
it was so great, like something off of Pinterest
it was a scavenger hunt with dragon ***** all over campus
and yeah I was in high school and you were in college so
it was kind of lame but you said yes I was going to get
a pink dress and you wanted suspenders and
it was so great

but

what kind of future preacher starts to ask for
pictures of me naked I know
they only last for ten seconds but I didn't want to
but you said you loved me and you wanted to be a preacher
so I believed you and in retrospect I should
have thought things through but you only asked that once
at first and then dropped it so we were fine and
you were sweet and God, you were so handsome
I was in love and it was great

but

then on your birthday you were nineteen and wanted something special so
I bought you cream soda and balloons though
you wanted something that you'd remember forever
you took my hand and told me what you wanted and
I was shocked because I thought you wanted to be a preacher
and yet you told me how badly you wanted me to get undressed
and to give you something you'd never forget
you treated me like a ***** but I was still in love with you
because you promised and I really believed you
cause I loved you and you said I could trust you

then

at twelve on a school night you called my phone
and woke me up, I was so happy to hear you though
because I loved you and you said I was special
and you make me feel so warm inside
and then you sighed
and broke up with me over a phone call
I cried and yelled because I was upset
and you put me through hell but I loved you
so I didn't eat for a few days
and you texted me saying that you were praying for me which
makes sense because you said you wanted to be a preacher

you manipulative ****

I forgot about you and tried to move on with
a fling with a guy who gave me his number while
I was a cashier at the grocery store
and he and I had fun but
he wasn't you
you were in Philly for the summer
spreading the word of Gods love
and then you called me
and told me that you still loved me and begged for
forgiveness and I made you cry but
decided to give you another shot

that didn't work

because you made me think I could trust you again but
I wasn't the only girl who you were calling
and I can't believe you were lying to so many people
while you were on a mission trip
I thought you wanted to be a preacher but
you're a liar

so now we go to the same college and

guess what you're the preacher for the
college ministry which is so funny because
every time you get up to preach and people say you're a great man
I laugh because I've seen you naked
and no one knows the real you that's
not a preacher but I know
and your new girlfriend does she know that
when I first moved here you were texting me behind her back
trying to hook up with me
no I bet she doesn't because you're
real good at keeping secrets
aren't you, preacher
well I've caught on to all your tricks and I'm happy to say that
I'm done with you for good and

now, finally

I don't believe you
and I sure as hell don't need you

Teacher preacher while I have your attention can you please take a seat

Teacher preacher I need an explanation
I'm not allowed to think and I feel like a patient

Teacher preacher how do you expect me to sit and listen
When earlier this morning mom and dad were arguing in the kitchen

Teacher preacher I haven't learned anything new since the fourth grade
All this time, I swear it seems like my consciousness is starting to fade

The **** you teach us doesn't even matter
Long as we graduate, go to college, climb the ladder
But without your full attention our entire future will shatter

Teacher preacher you're supposed to be here to shape my mind
Teacher preacher it's time to take a step back and let me shine

Teacher preacher I've had a rough day
But you yell at me when I try to hide in my hats shade

Teacher preacher these are the last words on the page
Teacher preacher I'm your puppet and this is your stage

Teacher preacher while I have your attention can you please take a seat

Teacher preacher I need an explanation
I'm not allowed to think and I feel like a patient

Teacher preacher how do you expect me to sit and listen
When earlier this morning mom and dad were arguing in the kitchen

Teacher preacher I haven't learned anything new since the fourth grade
All this time, I swear it seems like my consciousness is starting to fade

The **** you teach us doesn't even matter
Long as we graduate, go to college, climb the ladder
But without your full attention our entire future will shatter

Teacher preacher you're supposed to be here to shape my mind
Teacher preacher it's time to take a step back and let me shine

Teacher preacher I've had a rough day
But you yell at me when I try to hide in my hats shade

Teacher preacher these are the last words on the page
Teacher preacher I'm your puppet and this is your stage

No wait back up ...
I need to clean my act up
Come Sunday in walking at graduation
When last Sunday I was selling good Haitian
But a gun to the head will **** with you respiration
You don't need the money just quit that desperation.

Capitalism
Take take take
**** with the come up
They find you in that lake lake lake

But excuse my attitude
What would you do when your role models was drug dealers
And Hug stealers  
And plug kneelers
And wig splinters
And

As the time passes I'm tired of making momma cry
As the time passes I'm tired of being that guy
But hate to see my family struggle
In twenty years probably look back on this and force a chuckle

But once and for all for all the people that doubted me
*******
come Sunday it's my stage
And all my success is written on that page

The message being through the Preacher’s physique
From the Pulpit a new presentation mystique
The Preacher was standing in posing trunks
The entire congregation seemed to think that it was a lot of bunk
The Preacher flexed a bicep illustrating the hardness of the world’s hearts
The bicep muscle being the mountain of salvation where we need to be
This being what the Preacher wanting the congregation to see
All this was while preaching the sermon
The Preacher than went to his massive chest
The whole armor being a fence against the enemy who wants to attack
But when you are true God’s child the enemy can do nothing but step back
Weights prepare the body to do battle in pain in order to construct
Faith with salvation prepare you for sustaining when struggles begin
Strength comes from the Lord to endure
What goes into the body must be natural and coming out pure
This is what my muscled body is illustrating the scripture
Later the Preacher flexed a mighty calf
The message being salvation is what helps one stand and walk the journey
No matter how tire you might become, the thirst of Christ will help you continue on
It means be honest and true
The body can be implanted with artificial things to enhance
But it is true salvation in believing in how you will advance
The Preacher then flexed his back with his wings spread wide in the shoulders
The message being opportunities in seeking salvation and it is for all
It is not for certain people being the call
The Preacher used a bird in how they take flight
They prepare and just glide
Some people don’t expel faith and try to hide
If you have faith encourage others to seek
Opportunities don’t last forever
No it is not God being clever
But it is Heaven that we must be abide
Our foundation at hand in faith, Believing, Establishing and Prayer
My body was only a living example
Yet what I preached was only a salvation sample
This is something the world must experience for them selves
Because God is not like everybody else
He died and rose
No thinking on accord of suppose
After, the Preacher posed and flexed and ended his sermon
This was scripture word’s to flex by
Yet encouraging all to make a try
The foundation being from a higher than I.

Turkey hunting with his pappy
The dogs let loose into the marsh
Birds flew out, and guns went off
The end result was rather harsh
Willie Joe jumped first at nothing
Shot at turkeys in the air
First shot missed, but hit a target
He'd shot Jim Joseph in the ear

Time to call the Country Preacher
A service needed to be done
The end result was up to Jesus
At the wrong end of a country gun

Jolene was all set for college
Had a baby on the way
One quick fling in the hay with Joseph
There was nothing left for her to say
Joseph stood and did deny it
Said that Jolene told a lie
Jolene's daddy got his shotgun
And with no wedding, Joseph'd die

Time to call the Country Preacher
A service needed to be done
The end result was up to Jesus
At the wrong end of a country gun

The wedding went off without trouble
Both families were there in force
Jolene's dad had brought his shotgun
The best man was old Joseph's horse
The moonshine flowed like holy water
There was no jar that wasn't filled
And through it all, poor pregnant Jolene
Wondered who would end up killed

Time to call the Country Preacher
A service needed to be done
The end result was up to Jesus
At the wrong end of a country gun

The preacher preached and people listened
Amened here and there throughout
A few well placed hallelujahs
Praise the lord was heard no doubt
All dressed in black with eyes just shining
He couldn't have done smiled more
For who in town knew that the preacher
Owned the gun and ammo store?

Time to call the Country Preacher
A service needed to be done
The end result was up to Jesus
And the preacher would refill the gun.

THE PREACHER GOODY GOODWILL walks center stage and steps up to the Dias; eyeing his congregation with a seriously serious frown. Clears his throat, takes a tissue and blows his nose. Then resumes eyeing all the families sitting before him. Finally-

PREACHER GOODY GOODWILL
Were you unsettled? Did my silence catch you off guard? Or was it my frown, sure that was it, you're not used to seeing me frown, you're not used to me stretching out the silence. And yet I wonder: why is it you were uncomfortable? Surely, even though you weren't prepared for it, it wasn't as if I came here with accusations of you - you Charlotte Ray, or you Jimmy Matheter, or any random one of you for that matter - accusations that you had sinned 'for you surely did as the Good Lord intended you too, you sinned and you will be forgiven if you simply give in to the Good Lord's Word and his wholly Holy embrace.
(BEAT)
And so I wonder - and I ask you to ask yourself - why were you uncomfortable when I stepped up in silence? Have you sinned and are ashamed? Too ashamed, perhaps, to confess said sin? 'For if that's the case then you are truly ******, having committed not just the sin you are ashamed to confess but now in the Good Lord's own House you are committing the sin of pride, you are certainly not humble as the Good Lord asks of us all, are you?
(BEAT)
Are we not told that "the meek shall inherit the earth" as written by the Good Lord's very own, very Good Hand in our Holy Bible?
(BEAT)
So who are you to walk with pride when He asks you to be humble, that's all he asks of you my friends; be true and humble, be meek among men, and He - the Good Lord Himself - will surely welcome you through the pearly gates of Heaven and into his warm embrace.
(BEAT)
It is not for you to be your own judge nor are you tasked with judging others; surely you must see how full of pride one must be to imagine he can rightfully judge others or himself, for that matter, and not be full of pride if he dares take on such a task.
(BEAT)
And let us be clear as He the Good Lord is clear, that to be Holy is to be prideless, to accept Him into your heart is to accept that you have sinned - and you have, each and every one of you - 'for we are imperfect beings in an imperfect world and who among you would claim to be perfect of His Own Son, Jesus Christ himself, was a sinner among men... oh, I see, I literally see your raised eye browse as if you truly don't believe me or perhaps you don't understand. So if I may let me give you just one example which is the one that speaks most true to your very own Preacher Goody Goodwill who does not and has never claimed to be great, oh no have I ever claimed that my good friends? I certainly have not 'for I choose to be good, just good at what I do which is all the Good Lord asks, while his own Son Jesus Christ, he too was a preacher like me, but he was great perhaps the greatest yes! the greatest of all time thus he wasn't very meek, to be great is to have pride and in pride we live in sin; and so, as the Holy Book informs us Jesus Christ died for our sins but consider that he, too, was a sinner among men and so he died for his sins too, he had surely lived in pride and he had not a confessor so he died a filthy man.
(BEAT)
Yes that's right he died as he had lived, full of pride and not so meek, do you see now what I say? You are not too full of pride that you'd consider your own sins and believe that you may judge what is right and what is wrong? No, I know you all as I do myself and you are Good Folks with good hearts and meek as lambs, are you not?

The congregation nods whole heartedly.

PREACHER GOODY GOODWILL
Good good, I know you are, you're good and meek at heart as the Good Lord intended, and so when it's your turn to confess I expect you'll remember this talk we just had, and confess as the Good Lord intended, let me hear all the sins you sinned for you surely sinned, and let me then offer you his Holy reassurance that the penance I deem is the key to your salvation and once you clean yourself of sin then salvation will be yours.

Now the Preacher Goody Goodwill scans the congregation, eyeing them all, one by one; then he smiles and they smile back - all is as it should be once again - and his warmth radiates within the Holy House as he concludes this Sunday's sermon by making the sign of the Cross across his chest.

PREACHER GOODY GOODWILL
You may rise.

I'm gonna need some money to help me
I'm gonna grease somebody's hand
I'm gonna need the staff to hold leaks down
I don’t need Progressives to care
I'm gonna lie and fake their party
They’ll start pulling out their hair
I'm going to cover our state with
La Follette’s ashes and ain’t nobody gonna give a ****

Son of a Preacher
States on the brink
So much blight
Consistently
Son of a Preacher
I don’t fight clean
I’m gonna throw our state away

Oh oh
Oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh
Oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh

Now for eight long years I've lead this attack
One more is guaranteed
Can we just please keep the lid down
And phone me in with Koch’s link

Son of a Preacher
States on the brink
So much blight
Consistently
Son of a Preacher
I don’t fight clean
I'm gonna throw our state away

Mhm, mhm
Mhm, mhm, mhm, mhm
Mhm, mhm
Mhm, mhm, mhm, mhm

The state I’m breaking, our water's taken, Foxconn's a guarantee
It’s soul I’m taken, the earth is quaken, no climate's changing me

The state I’m breaking, frac sand is shaken, silica's blowing over me
Your land I’m taken, no hands I’m shaken, voters'll never find me

Son of a Preacher
States on the brink
So much blight
Consistently
Son of a Preacher
I don’t fight clean
I’m gonna throw our state away

Son of a Preacher
States on the brink
So much blight
Consistently
Son of a Preacher
I don’t fight clean
I’m gonna throw our state away

Oh oh
Oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh
Oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh
Oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh
Oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh

SUNDAY is a Preacher  Man
Walking hills n' plains
He walks towns n' cities too
Looking for to gain
Looking for to gain.

Filled up on the Holy Ghost
He gets what matters most
Saving souls that are lost
Willing to pay every cost.

SUNDAY is a Preacher Man
SUNDAY is a Preacher Man.

SUNDAY is a Preacher Man
Wears cloaks of night 'n day
Persist he does prevail he will
Don't think you can escape
Be careful of moves you make.

SUNDAY is a Preacher Man
SUNDAY is a Preacher Man.

Preacher Man done gone n'
Told me
Each man's got his vice.
If we could overcome'em it'd be
So nice.
Preacher Man warns not to think
Twice
Just to make wrong right.

SUNDAY is a Preacher Man
SUNDAY is a Preacher Man.

SUNDAY is a Preacher Man
Walking hills n' plains
He walks towns n' cities too
Looking for to gain
Looking for to gain.