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Coyote  Jun 2011
Saint Paroxetine
Coyote Jun 2011
Demons on the perimeter
stalking serenity’s
unsuspecting bliss.
Is this all that's left?
Once mighty defenses
now offer little protection
against these ancient,
clawing phantoms.
Shadows lurking
in the forest of the
psyche, await nightfall's
indifferent embrace
Alas my redeemers.
Tiny painted disks
that beat back
reality's assailants
while extinguishing
the last threads
of creativity that yet
remain.
The strain on tattered
nerves almost too much
to bare
I care not what punishment
is wrought from these efforts
to remain sane in the light
of an unforgiving God.
My mind is mangled beyond
repair.

Who is there left to call 'friend'?
This is another oldie I wrote long ago (I have been med free for nearly a decade), when a so called friend tried to tell me that prayer could replace my ante-depressant medication. When their solution failed to work, this person blamed me for my lack of faith.
(And they thought I was crazy)
Maerius J Porter May 2014
It's been so hard to
die, but now, I've been looking
for a means to live.
Empire Dec 2019
This is going to work
I’ll feel better
Swapping medications
Paroxetine for fluoxetine
Sprinkle in some hydroxyzine
Just keep swallowing
Pill after pill...
Idk... maybe one of them will help
But now.... my head spins
Every time I move
I never want to eat
Then I gorge myself
I can’t remember anything
I’m sorry I keep forgetting
I just... I’m trying so hard to get better
I’m trying. I am.
But to get better
I must endure illness
Withdrawal
Side effects
Before any of it will improve
Dealing with withdrawal for the first time... trying to switch medications but I just feel sick... I’m taking so much medication....
Samantha Kay  Jan 2016
8.27.2015
Samantha Kay Jan 2016
happy wine wednesday.**

My hands smell like smoke and coffee
because nicotine and caffeine (and fluoxetine, duloxetine, paroxetine) make me remember to forget what it’s like to be this lonely.
There’s wine on my breath (9 dollar grape flavored paint stripper) and I'm so high my face could kiss the ceiling because this is what we call making friends.
And I know when I’m drunk I forget to remember to forget to feel and i spill out my heart to the lowest bidder (and I spill out my drink to my lowest cut top) but sometimes the foggyheavyblurry thoughts shared with a southern boy over a menthol make the moment mean more than I would have shared when I started writing this poem at 11am this morning.
And even though I forgot to wash my face and lock my door and my hands still smell like smoke and my heart is heavy with loneliness, I know I found solace in the simple smile he shared with me when I said
I was ****** up.
everything is fine.
everything is okay.
im fine.
im okay.

— The End —