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Matt Jul 2015
Maybe I thought
It would have been fun
To be a woman

I thought
About having *******
And a ******

Playing with ******
And vibrators
Feeling a big *****

Spurt hot thick loads
Of *** into my womb

But I'm just
An unattractive guy
Hallie Bear Jul 2012
In
Out
In
Out
This isn't *******.
This is sewing!
Rich Hues  Feb 2019
Troll
Rich Hues Feb 2019
There is a bookshop in town,
That smells of coffee and sandalwood and leather
Where millennials gather together,
Pink haired and proud,
Illiterate, opinionated and loud,
Owners of cats, vibrators and at least one sexually transmitted disease,
The feminist alternative to a family, they seem happy with these
...For now...
Not yet ready to play wife and ruin a sorry incel's life.

Why should they spare me a second look?
As I deface a poetry book,
Looking for the poem that annoys me most,
In the hope of upsetting the poet's passing ghost.

The summoned sales assistant asks me to stop - so -
I ask her what it's like to work in a shop.
She goes for help and while she calls, I decorate the margin with a **** and *****.
In the real world, posting bane,
A pencil meme, the mark of Cain.

Banned, I'm thrown out on my ear,
And so
...For now...
I'm here.
Anais Vionet Apr 2022
We (Lisa, Leong and I) attended a cross-campus Health *** seminar the other day. I have to admit to some self-consciousness. I was worried that some professor would see us and judge - I still have some self-work to do. I’m fighting to be freer, to be well.

In an effort to destigmatize ***, they gave out vibrators - over a hundred in ten minutes - they ran out - there was a demand. That was pretty sic. I guess no one wants their dad to see a ******* charged on the family Amazon account (again).

Which got me thinking about how sexuality is different throughout the year - by season. Of course, this is the pandemic era. The last two freshmen classes have been the most isolated in history.

Which brings me to mask-crushes. Early on in the year, you may have had a crush on someone whose face you hadn’t actually seen. That girl mask-crushing on you might not think you’re as cute maskless but then maybe she’s not as hot either.

By the seasons. Admittedly, this is a cerebral look at a hot subject but I’ve asked this around and within my peer-group these are the agreed upon numbers.

Fall is when college began, summer tan lines were fading but the cafeteria was still full of summer stories. You were meeting new people or perhaps missing someone. You might have gotten a little flirty after you settled in. Still, temperatures were dropping and it was time to start covering up. ******* was recommended as the safe pandemic alternative but in some cases, new freedoms were too much to resist. ******* - 9, hookups - 1

In Winter things really slowed down, we got out even less and classes got grimly serious. There was a seasonal effect to the darkness. Of course, we needed to stay warm and maybe we cuddled up more. We’d met people by then and hookups happened but usually within our own social groups. ******* - 7, hookups - 3

Spring came in with a sneeze as the world brightened and those thoughtless plants pollinated. It was almost shocking to see how many people there were on campus. You tend to forget how many are around because everyone was sheltering or using the tunnel system. There were chances, on nice days, to get out and have fun again - just as those clothing layers started coming off. ******* - 5, hookups - 5

Then there’s summer - in my experience, summer sexuality is different - everyone’s freer, less stressed, the clothes are thinner, smaller and more revealing. The world is greener, brighter and hotter. Everyone’s making their critical summer decisions now. Some people I’ve talked to can’t wait to go home and get laid - not me - but some pretty explicit plans have been laid out around here. ******* - 3, hookups - 7

What are your ratings?
BLT Marriam Webster word of the day challenge: Cerebral: intellectual in nature.
Matt Jun 2015
I spend my days
And nights

Testing toys
Of all shapes and sizes

Vibrators, ******
Ben wa ***** too

They vibrate and slide
Deep inside

And then I write a review

This is my life as a *** toy tester
Matt May 2015
It's okay
If you don't have a man

Just use your vibrators and *****
The best you can!

Ben wa *****
And your fingers too

Will make you exclaim, "Phew"
Tired you may be
When your ****** **** so

Orgasmically!
SassyJ Oct 2018
I’ll lay here and let the sun make love
Penetrate the shielded part of my being
to bear the brightness of its warmth
right to the base of the unmoved core
and when hysteria sizzles time passes
right to the century of the ancient timeline
where women sadness was denied access
only to be healed by a scientific ***** massage
that gentle movement of finger in the pelvic
to bridge the eruption with the explosive paroxysms
where a woman would relive forgetting
all the unattention behaviour bore by their husband
women wombs would be removed so as not to feel
women ****** desire would be numbed so as not to feel
women would be sent into asylums so as not to feel
They are ****** women confiscicated to a domestic gloom
Let them tend to the men and gain no societical standing
until the doctors got tired of it all, with broken hands
those cramped fingers and supportive bandages
tired of motioning and fumigation of the libia
with sweet smelling and relaxing oily lotions
It was as simple as that...... the change of notions
and the innovation of the handheld vibrators
eradicated hysteria in mere 1952........
Reading about Hysteria as an illness. Dr. J. Mortimer Granville pioneered the labor-saving ******* in the 1880s, when his electromechanical invention was patented. Originally, only used as a medical device, before then the doctors administered ***** and pelvic massages as a medical intervention.
Well, it could be a myth.....
Marshall Gass  Aug 2014
microwave
Marshall Gass Aug 2014
behind the glass door things happen
to stay behind the glass door
until things have happened.

don't ever stick your hand
into the magic happening
or else a bubbly bone will remain.

dont even try putting a golf ball
in to cook
or an egg
because only egg heads do that.

behind the glass door
water droplets use vibrators
and get superhot
you are not supposed to watch
but you do anyway.

don't get zapped
when you are not looking.

Author Notes

Optional
© Marshall Gass. All rights reserved, 8 days ago

- See more at: http://allpoetry.com/poem/11591413-microwave-by-Marshall-Gass#sthash.0iCzdTmh.dpuf
Edna Sweetlove Aug 2015
Yes! It's another Barry Hodges "Memories" poem!"*

I shall never forget our first date together,
How we wandered through the streets of Soho,
Gazing into the **** shop windows,
Laughing at the giant vibrators on display...

And later, a romantic meal in a French bistro,
Where the rules of hygiene were not
As strictly observed as might have been hoped for,
Promising a regurgitatory treat in store...

You ignored the startled eyes of our fellow diners
And brutally shoved your tongue in my mouth;
O how fiercely I slurped on it enthusiastically
Caressing it with my own mouth sausage...

I ****** and ****** and ****** and ******
And (oh joy!) I could taste the garlicky bits
'Twixt your gorgeous unwashed choppers;
How my underwear damply stretched out of shape...

I withdrew my probing tongue and kissed your cheek
Affectionately, yet trembling with rampant desire;
And I boldly licked a firm yellow-topped spot
With its previously observed black centre...

My huge uncontrollable lust conquered
The demands of demodé bourgeois good manners
And I sunk my incisors into that zitty beauty
Relishing the ******* waiting just for me therein...

The waiting staff were deeply impressed as I chewed
In rapturous sensual joyous contemplation
And you spluttered bloodily in loving agony
Your own mighty ****** fast approaching...

Oh what a foretaste of what was to come
When we repaired to my convenient bedsit
For an immensely gratifying triple bonk
Prior to a staggering mutual diarrhoea session...

And now I lie back in sweet recollection
Of the many nights we spent in copulation
But how sad I am as, looking at the deserted bed,
I can still make out the stains of your dying turds.
Adult Humour Memories
Edna Sweetlove Nov 2014
A "Memories" Poem from the great Barry Hodges' pen*

I shall never forget our first date together,
How we wandered through the streets of Soho,
Gazing into the **** shop windows,
Laughing at the giant vibrators on display...

And later, a romantic meal in a French bistro,
Where the rules of hygiene were not
As strictly observed as might have been hoped for,
Promising a regurgitatory treat in store...

You ignored the startled eyes of our fellow diners
And brutally shoved your tongue in my mouth;
O how fiercely I slurped on it enthusiastically
Caressing it with my own mouth sausage...

I ****** and ****** and ****** and ******
And (oh joy!) I could taste the garlicky bits
'Twixt your gorgeous unwashed choppers;
How my underwear damply stretched out of shape...

I withdrew my probing tongue and kissed your cheek
Affectionately, yet trembling with rampant desire;
And I boldly licked a firm yellow-topped spot
With its previously observed black centre...

My huge uncontrollable lust conquered
The demands of demodé bourgeois good manners
And I sunk my incisors into that zitty beauty
Relishing the ******* waiting just for me therein...

The waiting staff were deeply impressed as I chewed
In rapturous sensual joyous contemplation
And you spluttered bloodily in loving agony
Your own mighty ****** fast approaching...

Oh what a foretaste of what was to come
When we repaired to my convenient bedsit
For an immensely gratifying triple bonk
Prior to a staggering mutual diarrhoea session.
phil roberts  Aug 2016
CHARLIE
phil roberts Aug 2016
Pete and me had this mate called Charlie
He lived in Manchester
And he was a rogue
Whenever we called on him
He'd rub his hands and say
"What can I sell ya, boys?"

Once when we went
He opened a large drawer and
It was full of gold and silver rings
All types and all sizes
He opened the drawer beneath that
And it was full of ****** and vibrators
I kid you not

Another time we went he said to Pete
" I've got some leather jeans'll fit you,"
So Pete tried them on and they fit
Sort of
This was in the days before stretch fabrics
And what Charlie didn't mention was
These were womens' jeans
So Pete looked at me and said
"What d'you think?"
I tried not to laugh but failed
"They look like leather jodhpurs!
You look like a Hell's Angel equestrian!"

So that was Charlie
The last I heard
Bad people were looking for him
Apart from the police
I often wonder what happened to him

                                    By Phil Roberts
zebra  Dec 2016
sex gadget
zebra Dec 2016
have you met my friend gadget
she really is a pill
when it comes ****
she gives a hella thrill

loves it hard in the mouth
gets it from demon boy
he loves it when she ***** and licks
she is his toy and joy

she has her own electric chair
loves a glass of wine
turns it on and fries her self
does it all the time

shuck me like an oyster daddy
she would beg and plead
i really need it now
please make me cry and  bleed

she collects multi colored vibrators
and keeps them under glass
she saves the biggest one
for her little ***

has tubes and lubes
and a gothic torture chamber
cuffs,muffs and toxic drinks
but nothing seems to faze her

— The End —