Maybe I thought
It would have been fun
To be a woman

I thought
About having *******
And a ******

Playing with ******
And vibrators
Feeling a big *****

Spurt hot thick loads
Of *** into my womb

But I'm just
An unattractive guy

There is a bookshop in town,
That smells of coffee and sandalwood and leather
Where millennials gather together,
Pink haired and proud,
Illiterate, opinionated and loud,
Owners of cats, vibrators and at least one sexually transmitted disease,
The feminist alternative to a family, they seem happy with these
...For now...
Not yet ready to play wife and ruin a sorry incel's life.

Why should they spare me a second look?
As I deface a poetry book,
Looking for the poem that annoys me most,
In the hope of upsetting the poet's passing ghost.

The summoned sales assistant asks me to stop - so -
I ask her what it's like to work in a shop.
She goes for help and while she calls, I decorate the margin with a **** and *****.
In the real world, posting bane,
A pencil meme, the mark of Cain.

Banned, I'm thrown out on my ear,
And so
...For now...
I'm here.

We (Lisa, Leong and I) attended a cross-campus Health *** seminar the other day. I have to admit to some self-consciousness. I was worried that some professor would see us and judge - I still have some self-work to do. I’m fighting to be freer, to be well.

In an effort to destigmatize ***, they gave out vibrators - over a hundred in ten minutes - they ran out - there was a demand. That was pretty sic. I guess no one wants their dad to see a ******* charged on the family Amazon account (again).

Which got me thinking about how sexuality is different throughout the year - by season. Of course, this is the pandemic era. The last two freshmen classes have been the most isolated in history.

Which brings me to mask-crushes. Early on in the year, you may have had a crush on someone whose face you hadn’t actually seen. That girl mask-crushing on you might not think you’re as cute maskless but then maybe she’s not as hot either.

By the seasons. Admittedly, this is a cerebral look at a hot subject but I’ve asked this around and within my peer-group these are the agreed upon numbers.

Fall is when college began, summer tan lines were fading but the cafeteria was still full of summer stories. You were meeting new people or perhaps missing someone. You might have gotten a little flirty after you settled in. Still, temperatures were dropping and it was time to start covering up. ******* was recommended as the safe pandemic alternative but in some cases, new freedoms were too much to resist. ******* - 9, hookups - 1

In Winter things really slowed down, we got out even less and classes got grimly serious. There was a seasonal effect to the darkness. Of course, we needed to stay warm and maybe we cuddled up more. We’d met people by then and hookups happened but usually within our own social groups. ******* - 7, hookups - 3

Spring came in with a sneeze as the world brightened and those thoughtless plants pollinated. It was almost shocking to see how many people there were on campus. You tend to forget how many are around because everyone was sheltering or using the tunnel system. There were chances, on nice days, to get out and have fun again - just as those clothing layers started coming off. ******* - 5, hookups - 5

Then there’s summer - in my experience, summer sexuality is different - everyone’s freer, less stressed, the clothes are thinner, smaller and more revealing. The world is greener, brighter and hotter. Everyone’s making their critical summer decisions now. Some people I’ve talked to can’t wait to go home and get laid - not me - but some pretty explicit plans have been laid out around here. ******* - 3, hookups - 7

What are your ratings?

I spend my days
And nights

Testing toys
Of all shapes and sizes

Vibrators, ******
Ben wa ***** too

They vibrate and slide
Deep inside

And then I write a review

This is my life as a *** toy tester

It's okay
If you don't have a man

Just use your vibrators and *****
The best you can!

Ben wa *****
And your fingers too

Will make you exclaim, "Phew"
Tired you may be
When your ****** **** so

Orgasmically!

I’ll lay here and let the sun make love
Penetrate the shielded part of my being
to bear the brightness of its warmth
right to the base of the unmoved core
and when hysteria sizzles time passes
right to the century of the ancient timeline
where women sadness was denied access
only to be healed by a scientific ***** massage
that gentle movement of finger in the pelvic
to bridge the eruption with the explosive paroxysms
where a woman would relive forgetting
all the unattention behaviour bore by their husband
women wombs would be removed so as not to feel
women ****** desire would be numbed so as not to feel
women would be sent into asylums so as not to feel
They are ****** women confiscicated to a domestic gloom
Let them tend to the men and gain no societical standing
until the doctors got tired of it all, with broken hands
those cramped fingers and supportive bandages
tired of motioning and fumigation of the libia
with sweet smelling and relaxing oily lotions
It was as simple as that...... the change of notions
and the innovation of the handheld vibrators
eradicated hysteria in mere 1952........

behind the glass door things happen
to stay behind the glass door
until things have happened.

don't ever stick your hand
into the magic happening
or else a bubbly bone will remain.

dont even try putting a golf ball
in to cook
or an egg
because only egg heads do that.

behind the glass door
water droplets use vibrators
and get superhot
you are not supposed to watch
but you do anyway.

don't get zapped
when you are not looking.

Author Notes

Optional
© Marshall Gass. All rights reserved, 8 days ago

- See more at: http://allpoetry.com/poem/11591413-microwave-by-Marshall-Gass#sthash.0iCzdTmh.dpuf

Yes! It's another Barry Hodges "Memories" poem!"*

I shall never forget our first date together,
How we wandered through the streets of Soho,
Gazing into the **** shop windows,
Laughing at the giant vibrators on display...

And later, a romantic meal in a French bistro,
Where the rules of hygiene were not
As strictly observed as might have been hoped for,
Promising a regurgitatory treat in store...

You ignored the startled eyes of our fellow diners
And brutally shoved your tongue in my mouth;
O how fiercely I slurped on it enthusiastically
Caressing it with my own mouth sausage...

I ****** and ****** and ****** and ******
And (oh joy!) I could taste the garlicky bits
'Twixt your gorgeous unwashed choppers;
How my underwear damply stretched out of shape...

I withdrew my probing tongue and kissed your cheek
Affectionately, yet trembling with rampant desire;
And I boldly licked a firm yellow-topped spot
With its previously observed black centre...

My huge uncontrollable lust conquered
The demands of demodé bourgeois good manners
And I sunk my incisors into that zitty beauty
Relishing the ******* waiting just for me therein...

The waiting staff were deeply impressed as I chewed
In rapturous sensual joyous contemplation
And you spluttered bloodily in loving agony
Your own mighty ****** fast approaching...

Oh what a foretaste of what was to come
When we repaired to my convenient bedsit
For an immensely gratifying triple bonk
Prior to a staggering mutual diarrhoea session...

And now I lie back in sweet recollection
Of the many nights we spent in copulation
But how sad I am as, looking at the deserted bed,
I can still make out the stains of your dying turds.

Pete and me had this mate called Charlie
He lived in Manchester
And he was a rogue
Whenever we called on him
He'd rub his hands and say
"What can I sell ya, boys?"

Once when we went
He opened a large drawer and
It was full of gold and silver rings
All types and all sizes
He opened the drawer beneath that
And it was full of ****** and vibrators
I kid you not

Another time we went he said to Pete
" I've got some leather jeans'll fit you,"
So Pete tried them on and they fit
Sort of
This was in the days before stretch fabrics
And what Charlie didn't mention was
These were womens' jeans
So Pete looked at me and said
"What d'you think?"
I tried not to laugh but failed
"They look like leather jodhpurs!
You look like a Hell's Angel equestrian!"

So that was Charlie
The last I heard
Bad people were looking for him
Apart from the police
I often wonder what happened to him

                                    By Phil Roberts

A "Memories" Poem from the great Barry Hodges' pen*

I shall never forget our first date together,
How we wandered through the streets of Soho,
Gazing into the **** shop windows,
Laughing at the giant vibrators on display...

And later, a romantic meal in a French bistro,
Where the rules of hygiene were not
As strictly observed as might have been hoped for,
Promising a regurgitatory treat in store...

You ignored the startled eyes of our fellow diners
And brutally shoved your tongue in my mouth;
O how fiercely I slurped on it enthusiastically
Caressing it with my own mouth sausage...

I ****** and ****** and ****** and ******
And (oh joy!) I could taste the garlicky bits
'Twixt your gorgeous unwashed choppers;
How my underwear damply stretched out of shape...

I withdrew my probing tongue and kissed your cheek
Affectionately, yet trembling with rampant desire;
And I boldly licked a firm yellow-topped spot
With its previously observed black centre...

My huge uncontrollable lust conquered
The demands of demodé bourgeois good manners
And I sunk my incisors into that zitty beauty
Relishing the ******* waiting just for me therein...

The waiting staff were deeply impressed as I chewed
In rapturous sensual joyous contemplation
And you spluttered bloodily in loving agony
Your own mighty ****** fast approaching...

Oh what a foretaste of what was to come
When we repaired to my convenient bedsit
For an immensely gratifying triple bonk
Prior to a staggering mutual diarrhoea session.

have you met my friend gadget
she really is a pill
when it comes ****
she gives a hella thrill

loves it hard in the mouth
gets it from demon boy
he loves it when she ***** and licks
she is his toy and joy

she has her own electric chair
loves a glass of wine
turns it on and fries her self
does it all the time

shuck me like an oyster daddy
she would beg and plead
i really need it now
please make me cry and  bleed

she collects multi colored vibrators
and keeps them under glass
she saves the biggest one
for her little ***

has tubes and lubes
and a gothic torture chamber
cuffs,muffs and toxic drinks
but nothing seems to faze her

Its Wednesday and you know what it is....
So why are we still talking...

lets do this
see if you can tell me about your day
while my head is between your thighs..
try not to cover my ears...
I bet you can't do it
I bet you'll wrap your legs around my neck
until the earthquakes...
and mumble every word after tell me why.....
muhanamndjmsdnufos
And I'll just say
mmmm hmmmmm
causing my lips to become vibrators
breaking damns
that can no longer hold back your oceans..
then I'll ask you again what happened today?

as your rivers runs down my chin
you'll kiss them
saying this happened today
as you place your lips around
my fully erected rod
You say "I'm now in control"
as you put Hoover, Dyson and Whirlpools to shame
leaving me so anxious
to be inside you...
to travel the depths of your seas
and get lost
so that I have no choice but to die there
You are Atlantis
and I am Poseidon
I'll command your waves to shore...
to wipe the land clean
of everything that stress you out
for right now in this moment
its Wednesday
and it is all your thoughts should be about....

I wish I was one of those girls who could laugh for fake candid photos
I wish I didn’t like to dance so much
I wish I was into white guys who were blind about their privilege
I wish I laughed at the things they laugh at
I wish I wasn’t Cuban sometimes
I wish I wasn’t Lebanese either
I wish I liked makeup tutorials
I wish I liked putting hours into my hair
I wish I was dedicated to my beauty
I wish I knew how to cook for a man
I wish I knew how to keep my room neat
I wish I liked corny quotes about happiness
I wish my deep thoughts didn’t sabotage my relationships
I wish my mind wasn’t so scattered
I wish I could join a sorority
I wish I could put up with most groups of girls
I wish I saw sexuality as black and white
I wish I wasn’t lazy
I wish I understood the science of dressing like an instagram girl
I wish I was better at school
I wish I didn’t get along with guys so well
I wish I didn’t have a weird sense of humor
I wish I didn’t resent my parents
I wish I never tried drugs
I wish I wasn’t so experimental with myself
I wish I wasn’t so hopeless
I wish I got through breakups more easily
I wish I didn’t like my hair short
I wish I would take off my makeup before I go to bed more
I wish I didn’t like talking about controversial topics
I wish I didn’t like going against the grain
I wish I got ready faster
I wish I had a more realistic idea of time
I wish I had bubbly handwriting
I wish I liked Vera Bradley
I wish I didn’t like it when my ******* could be seen through my shirt
I wish I liked pop music
I wish I didn’t notice how they frame commercials
I wish I was one of those girls that only had *** with 4 people
I wish I didn’t like it when my **** looked big
I wish I liked baking
I wish I didn’t like ****
I wish I didn’t like vibrators
I wish I could talk about materialistic things for long periods of time
I wish I didn’t struggle with depression or ADD
I wish I didn’t get ***** playing cops and robbers growing up
I wish I wasn’t cynical
I wish I didn’t like trap music
I wish there was a plot twist to this poem where I didn’t wish these things at all

Pete and me had this mate called Charlie
He lived in Manchester
And he was a rogue
Whenever we called on him
He'd rub his hands and say
"What can I sell ya, boys?"

Once when we went
He opened a large drawer and
It was full of gold and silver rings
All types and all sizes
He opened the drawer beneath that
And it was full of ****** and vibrators
I kid you not

Another time we went he said to Pete
" I've got some leather jeans'll fit you,"
So Pete tried them on and they fit
Sort of
This was in the days before stretch fabrics
And what Charlie didn't mention was
These were womens' jeans
So Pete looked at me and said
"What d'you think?"
I tried not to laugh but failed
"They look like leather jodhpurs!
You look like a Hell's Angel equestrian!"

So that was Charlie
The last I heard
Bad people were looking for him
Apart from the police
I often wonder what happened to him

                                    By Phil Roberts

Im elevated higher.. but im not a flyer...I rather run...cuz that takes more muscle which means a lot more fun...Feet on the ground head up in clouds, Body in the gutter hormones screamin out loud...Thoughts to my vision...concept to my posion...juxstaposition...placed in mutiple postions...Catch me Im a fool...Baby oil smooth...Thousond island's nasty but which one will I choose...Mayo can you Katchup...Mix us theres the Match up...Pick up sticks with fidle sticks...I sing a mean back up...Couldy water that i drink..Couldy visions that i think...WAY up in the atmosphere...There is no way that we can link...One two different levels...A higher song with terible...You can keep the lower bass...Thats just vibrators in your face...Sing me songs in harmoney...found my perfect melody...in this higher levated state...I wish some *** heads could relate....

He with the hard ***, tats, and gruff
Will beguile lonely princesses
With fluffy words for instances
When vibrators aren’t enough

Pete and me had this mate called Charlie
He lived in Manchester
And he was a rogue
Whenever we called on him
He'd rub his hands and say
"What can I sell ya, boys?"

Once when we went and
He opened a large drawer
It was full of gold and silver rings
All types and all sizes
He opened the drawer beneath that
And it was full of ****** and vibrators
I kid you not
But this was Charlie

Another time we went he said to Pete
" I've got some leather jeans'll fit you,"
So Pete tried them on and they fit
In a way
This was in the days before stretch fabrics
And what Charlie didn't mention was
These were womens' jeans
So Pete looked at me and said
"What d'you think?"
I tried not to laugh but failed
"They look like leather jodhpurs!
"You look like an equestrian hell's angel!"

So that was Charlie
The last I heard
Bad people were looking for him
As well as the local cops
It's lucky that he was "fast" Charlie
I often wonder what happened to him
But the truth is, one way or another
He's probably dead Charlie by now

                                    By Phil Roberts

I would like to know
If you care about me
And love me as a friend

You know
I guess my problem
Is that ultimately
I don't care very much for my physical body

I think women get to have more fun then men
As they are multi *******
And can have fun with vibrators and ******

I would have liked to have fun like that
Being a guy is lame

Besides
It is highly unlikely
An attractive woman will like me

I am only 6 inches *****
And most beautiful women I talk to
Say that want 8 inches or more

I don't think that highly
Of the life you created for us God
Why couldn't you have come up with something better?

The more I live life
The more I see it as a computer program
Or matrix

The seasons repeat themselves
I go to work
Which is somewhat fulfilling
And sure, I enjoy my hobbies

But I'll probably never meet
A kind female friend
Or it will be years and years until I do

How I am I ever supposed to feel love
From another person
When I don't really like my body

I don't feel attractive
And I'm not

I am alone
Always alone
I am a stone
Left alone

Left alone to listen to
Thousands of hours
Of podcasts

I'm like a computer
Or android
Not loved very much at all
Left alone

I begin to die slowly
Waiting for a hug that never comes

Women don't pay me such attention
It must be because I'm not attractive

Oh well
Now I sound like a complainer

But I'm learning
I'm learning to always be alone
To believe in myself
And know myself

The world is a terribly ******* up place
Where thousands starve every day

I should just be grateful

Do you know how terrible it is
In a body you don't really want?

It Must be fun to be a woman
To have *******
And a ******
To have toned and **** legs

But I'm just this thing
This ugly thing

I would like to be judged by you
How would you rate me on a scale of 1 to 10
In terms of attractiveness?

I'm sure it would be very average or low
And I'm sure if we took a sample of women in your age group
And social standing they would agree

I might as well wear a t shirt
That says in capital letters UGLY

Women are having ***
At this very hour
Oh my gosh

Lol
How ****** of them

Some are pleasuring themselves

And some are playing with
Their vibrators and Oh Mi Bods

And I'm in bed
Eating a bowl of kidney beans

Lol women ignore
Dorks like me

Pete and me had this mate called Charlie
He lived in Manchester
And he was a rogue
Whenever we called on him
He'd rub his hands and say
"What can I sell ya, boys?"

Once when we went
He opened a large drawer and
It was full of gold and silver rings
All types and all sizes
He opened the drawer beneath that
And it was full of ****** and vibrators
I kid you not

Another time we went he said to Pete
" I've got some leather jeans'll fit you,"
So Pete tried them on and they fit
Sort of
This was in the days before stretch fabrics
And what Charlie didn't mention was
These were womens' jeans
So Pete looked at me and said
"What d'you think?"
I tried not to laugh but failed
"They look like leather jodhpurs!
You look like a Hell's Angel equestrian!"

So that was Charlie
The last I heard
Bad people were looking for him
Apart from the police
I often wonder what happened to him

                                    By Phil Roberts

A different time
A different place
A different name
A different space

But it all seems
So similar indeed

Listen closely
To my words
Take heed

I'm waiting for
Something real
Waiting to love
And to feel

I've shown kindness
To others
This seems true

I don't know
To do with the time
Do you?

Went to the library
And to the gym

Is the planet
A computer simulation
A type of game
But I'm not trying to win

And I will only work
One or two days at most

I'm not here to brag
Or to boast

Everyone talks about ***
All the time
But I don't really need it
I feel fine

Being a man is boring indeed
One or two *******
Expelled forth
With great speed

Women can ***
Again and again
They play with
Their vibrators
It is no sin

And I'm searching
For something real
And I'm trying to feel

Is it all a dream
A dream?

And I have been here before
This time and this place

The same librarian
With the same face

And the clock ticking
On the wall

Everything would be fine
It if wasn't for Adam's fall

Picked up my new glasses
I ordered two days ago

And when the rain freezes
It becomes snow

And when the snow falls
That is winter time

And sometimes at night
I have a sip of wine

And what is the self
And who am I?

Should I go on a hike
Should I stop asking why?

The world is so big
And I am so small

I look forward
To an accounting
Of us all

Trump or Clinton
Who cares who wins
America's prosperity
Wearing thin

I got new glasses
But forgot to order
The transition lens

Life feels like
I am counting down
From a trillion by tens

Why this burden
Why such misery
Fields of gold
That song by Sting
Sounds good to me

Would like a female friend
Someone to hold

Life a piece of stale bread
Life kind of grows old

Still the variety
Makes it often fun

Try to stay out of
The hot sun

You Girls Who ... " Play Games" ...
Should Be ... " So ASHAMED " ... !!!!!
of Things That You Do To Get Your Own Way ... !!!
  
You Play With Mens' Minds So Much of The Time ...
That Guys Now Do Things That Aren't So Nice ... !!!!!!
  
Well .....  
This Piece of Prose Is Going To Show ...
  
Girlies' Who TRY ......
  
That Men Like ME ... !!!
Are NOT Those Guys ... !!!!!!
  
Our Minds Are Inclined To Look For The SIGNS ...
Like GREED For CASH And Coc' Head Types ...  
And Those Who Lead A ... DEVIOUS Life ... !!!!!!!!  
  
Those Who Like Coc' ...
Tend To Open Legs ... WIDE ...  
Until Coc' Supplies Become DENIED ... !!!!!
  
TRUST Me Guys Because That's NO JOKE ... !!!
But Some Nowadays Enjoy A Good Smoke ... !!!
  
NOT The .... " GOOD GREEN !?! "
But ... Skunk or Coc' ... !!!
  
I've Been There And Seen These Girlies Get ... " LEAN " ... !!!
  
And Watched Their Moods QUICKLY Change Tune ... !!!!!
  
I've Also Seen Boyfriends Start Hitting The ROOF ... !!!
When Games Women Play Make Them ... LOSE Their Cool ... !!!
  
CROCODILE Tears ...  
Is Where I'll Start First ... !!!
  
A Girl I Once Knew ....
Made My Temper BURST ... !!!
  
I Sexed Her SO HARD ...
  
She Pulled ... THAT CARD ... !!!!!
And MAN That I AM ... !!!
I Apologised ... FAST ... !!!!!
  
But Here Is The Part ...
That ... EXPOSED HER FARCE ... !!!
  
When We Woke Up She Gave Me A HUG ... ?!?
Then ... Spread Her Legs For Some More *** ... !!!!?!!!!
  
What More Can I Say ... ?
She Liked To Play Games ... !!!
  
But Liked The ... ROUGH Stuff ... !!!
  
REMEMBER ... " Some Girls " ...
DO MAKE FALSE Claims And DO CRY **** ... !!?!!
  
ANOTHER I Knew Liked To ARGUE ... !?!  
And YES ENJOYED ... ROUGH Treatment Too ... !!!
  
An ATTENTION Seeker And Female Fool ... !!!
Who Clearly Liked ... Verbal Abuse .... ??!??
  
One Night We Went Out ....
  
Then Simply A Subject We Had Spoke About ...
Made Her Behave Just Like A ... STREET CLOWN ... !!!
  
She Was ... " ACTING UP " ...
Like A ... Child In The Street ... !?!
While I Got In My ... Mercedes ...
  
Her IGNORANT Manner Was BEYOND Belief .... !!!!!!!
  
I Told Her FAST ... !!!!!
  
"Get in the car, you're playing the *** !
Don't think I won't leave you, I'm losing my cool !"  
  
No Wonder SOME Women End Up Black and Blue ... !?!
When They Choose To Use ... CHILDISH Attitudes ... !?!?!
  
Here Are More Exhibits ...  
of How Girls With ... " Tricks " ...
Make .... " DEVIOUS Moves " .... !!!
  
They ......  
Ring From Their Phone ...
When Their ... "Credit's Low" ..
  
Then When You're Cut Off ...
Fellas Know How It Drops ... !!!
  
They Wait ..................................... For YOU TO RING ...  
Then Talk On Your Phone Til' Your Bill Goes ... " Ch... Ching " ... !!!!!
  
Girlies' Like THIS Are So FULL of Tricks ... !!!!!!
  
Now Here's A Story About One of Them ...  
  
She Tells Me One Night ...
  
Her ... Bi-****** Friend ...
Is Having A Drink Up With Some **** Girlfriends ... !!!
  
She Told This ... "Young *****" ....
  
"Invite who you like, women or men !"
  
The ***** Then Told Me ...
  
"I'd REALLY like them !
Her Bi-****** friend and her **** girlfriends,
but inviting men, she couldn't defend,
because of the fact, there'd be drunken women !"
  
Of course I Said To Her,
  
"What's wrong with that koo ?
It's almost as if, you want us all for you !"
  
She confirmed .... " I DO " ...
  
Which ... Just ISN'T Cool ...
And Is NOT REALLY TRUE ... !!!
  
Cos' She Isn't Willing To Give ... " ****** Food " ...
  
She Just Wants ATTENTION ...
From Men She Can ... USE ... !!!
  
They Think They're SO SMART ... !!!!!
  
Well I Hope Their Vibrators ...
Are ... CONSTANTLY CHARGED ... !!!
  
Cos' Men Nowadays ...
Watch These Girls From .................... FAR ... !!!!!
  
See Girls Who Play Games Are NOT All The Same ...
And Aren't All ... GOLD DIGGERS ... !!!!!
  
Some Are Much Worse ... !!!!!
They're ... " DEVIOUS THINKERS " ... !!!!!
  
Who .... Later In Life ...
May Face ... " PAIN and STRIFE ... ?!?
  
When Men Then Resort To ...  
.......... EVIL And LIES .......... !!!!!
  
Just For A Taste .... !!!
of The ... ULTIMATE Prize ... !!!
  
THAT ... SWEET Pair of Lips ...
At The TOP of Their Thighs ... !!!!!
  
They're Doing It NOW ... !!!
  
*******'s Hitting Towns ... !!!  
  
Now This Is NOT GOOD ... !!!!!
  
Girls Now May Get Found With Legs Spread Apart ...
NOT Knowing What Happened When Questions Are Asked ... !?!?!
  
Girls ... DON'T BE A VICTIM ... !!!!!
Because You Have VISIONS of CONTROLLING Men ...
  
You've Got A PROBLEM ... !!!!!
  
Girls ... Play The Game STRAIGHT ...  
Right From THE FIRST DATE Before It's TOO LATE ... !!!!!
  
Keep A CLEAR BRAIN ...
Stay OFF The ******* ... !!!!!
  
I'm Saying I'm SAYING ... !!!
  
Most Men AREN'T Like ME ...
And Will Give You ... PAIN ... !!!!!!
  
Because They're ...  
Now SICK of .............. !!!
  
" Girls Who Play Games " .....

Ground floor: pulsators,
**** beads and penal briefs
****** and vibrators
Rubbers and **** sheaths.
Going up!..

First floor: Pheromones,
Gents blow up dolls
Whips, clamps, tassels, peephole bras
Crotchless ******* and body oils. Going up!..

Second floor: **** rings,
Adult films and ***** books
Edible knickers and realistic vaginas
Naked massage and Brothel.
Going down!..

Buzz
From HortiDaily: "In a few countries, bumblebees are not available and manual pollination must be used... It pays to remember.. that without proper pollination a tomato plant will not produce premium fruit.
When tomato plants are pollinated manually, the best method is by using electric bees. These are battery operated vibrators. Staff must vibrate every plant in the glasshouse three times per week "

Tomatoes won’t ripen right
without pollination.
It helps to have a bumblebee
to give that good vibration.
But if you lack the bumble,
there’s another way, you see:
Your plants all can be pollinated
manually.
You will need to use some labor,
and wield a good *******--
the electric bee will soon become
your best-loved pollinator.
Your fruit is premium
and you’ll want to keep its savor.

Something which stimulates.
The Governmental Giveaway!
It's a free-for-all
Masticates into cancerous fraud,
United States for criminals.
Lady Luck is a thieving ****,
Uber suburbanites,
Stylish Vibrators.

The Cosi fan Tutti and their vibrators
meet The Tonton Macoutes
at the Empire of Fish and Chips and pints
signing
Treaty of Chavis Vagabond et loonies
to rule the world
in their own graven images
for only them know what is right
No, make that what is Left
for all of us, yes! you and me and the kitchen sink
so like the Black Prince
pay attention I do not mean the pub
another offending infidel has been detained
for summary Cancellation and public  vilification and abuse
You are welcome to read her tale below

Let this be a Warning to any decent hard working law-abiding
person who believes in Free Speech or even a jocular backchat

Now get back to your pens sheep and lemmings
and continue your blah blah blah
your free will belongs to us.....


Poor Molly-Mae doesn't deserve this foul abuse

The case of Molly-Mae Hague, the reality TV star and 'influencer' who last week became the latest celebrity to be cancelled by the pitchfork-wielding Twitter mob, is a classic of our times.

All she did was reference a viral trend dating back to 2013 in which people shared clips of Beyoncé alongside the motivational quote: 'You have the same amount of hours in a day as Beyoncé.' In other words, if you work hard, you can do anything.

For that, she's been accused of 'not caring' about poor people, vilified by Left-wingers as 'Thatcher with a fake tan' and suffered appalling abuse such as 'she is best known for being getting her s*ch out on Love Island'.

By all means disagree with her, but that kind of language is just blind misogyny.

By SARAH VINE FOR THE MAIL ON SUNDAY

to put vibrators in your
*****, to slap yourself
silly. Next, they’ll be wanting
**** beads. You’ll do anything

to please them so they buy
your books and read your
words. Poetry doesn’t sell the way
*** does. You’ll do anything

for your art. But inside it tears
you apart that you can’t be as lucky
as others are. But still you know
they’ll never bring you down. Still

you know despite the loneliness
and the hurt that you are
deserving of being heard. You are
deserving of respect. You’re not

there yet but attain to be. And maybe
you’re in good company with others
who have exploited themselves to
get what they want. Those who’d sell their
soul to the devil for their art.

I cannot sleep
I am greatly concerned with matters of equity
and social justice
plus, there is a St. Patrick’s Day sale
on wireless remote control vibrators