I'm considering rebuilding
A wall I levelled;
I've no shortage of materials,
But I lack
The man power,
And the willingness,
To rebuild this wall
Of unforgiveness,
On a foundation
Of forgetfulness.

My heart is full
So much resides there
Memories wish to stop it from beating
Scraps & unforgiveness have tried to choke it out
My heart once ached from betrayal
To stone i thought it would turn
But through all of that
I cant seem to get rid of LOVE
LOVE still lives there
Reassuring me in life I can go on!!!!
As for me & my heart we're gonna be just fine!

It's lunch time
And I'm in my math teachers' room
Writing godawful poetry
When I have a math test next period.
Our health class
Just watched a video about cyber-bullying
And the girl forgives her lying backstabbing ***** of a friend
I just called my friend
Who is absent
I called her twice
And she hung up twice
          Sixteen seconds
          Eleven seconds

I'm sitting in the library now
On a circular table
          Table for four.
I am one
But I always sit on a table with empty seats
So that I always know I am alone
This red ink looks darker in this lighting
A much more appealing shade
In comparison to how it looks in my bedroom

I'm thinking that I all I should be doing for the next few years of my life
Is math and music
          More of both

I'm really scared one of my friends will come and sit next to me  
I'm pretending the monsters from Six Skies are there
This might be unhealthy

Some ***** Megan just sat here
           She's not really a *****
But can't she see that my monster friend is angry
Because she just took his ******* seat

Whenever I'm in math class
I always feel like writing poetry
When I am writing poetry
I don't want to do anything else
Math class is over in five minutes
I think I did okay on my test
But Spanish is next
And I know I won't be doing okay there

My stomach feels as if
The acids that are supposed to be breaking down my food
          There is none shh
Are killing the lining of my stomach tissue
I have a self-destructing *****.

Once upon a time
This used to be a math notebook
That's all I ever write about in here
          math.

This is satisfying
My monster friends from Six Skies
           aren't here
           and
           I really wish they were.

I'm sitting encased in a red velvet colored blanket
It's actually my brothers
This is his third blanket
He got it for Christmas
Its his for a while, and then I take it
          even though I already have one of my own
So I guess he'll be getting a new one soon

The monsters from Six Skies
           are here
           watching me
           protecting me
I quite like their company
I don't want them to leave
           even at school
It's not a metaphor
But then again some days I look at myself in the mirror from several different angles of view
More satisfying than I'd imagined.

I forgive everyone for everything
             and I don't angry
Before it was anger and unforgiveness
Slowly I realized feelings like these
            were just too unnecessary for me
I think I do too many unnecessary things things like that
And I want to cut all of it up
I like basic
But I also like intricate

I have been writing poetry
           for three years.
           since I was in the sixth grade
They all used to rhyme
And my parents would be proud
Because I was proud
           as I grinned while I read them to them
And they were proud because it was about things
            like sunshine
I wonder if they would be proud now
Because I never even show them
And the only time I write about sunshine
            Is when something else is eating it away.

this life is taken for granted

with harsh words and

heavy hearts of unforgiveness,

unappreciative thank yous

and too many

i love yous

left unsaid.

and we never really realize.

too many of us

never

really

realize.

There is always the world that does not forgive
absolute unforgivess
The unbroken trauma in an event
Fearless
Never wavering into the assumptions of indulgence
Never paused long enough
to be understood properly
yet it drives the will to understand
The intervals between events of indulgence
in the frivolity of language
making bare the absurdities
Like fire that needs intelligent attention
to keep us warm
Neglect it and it consumes us all
This world demands a history of its own
Untainted by the acceptance or disputes of compromise
Inalienable direction
Weaving us together with unforgiving charm

I don't know, maybe you were fooled
I'm a new student, I don't follow the rules
Forgiveness is a tool
And I don't mean to be so cruel
But I ain't in control of my heart
The place you were is now a hollow part
Leaving nothing but to let in the ****
My heart bought it all at the breakup mini mart
I used to wish it was smart
But it's been hit by poisoned darts
Ain't no forgiveness in this heart
It makes no exceptions,
My forgiveness is forsaken
You're gonna need a girl with low expectations
Your greatest weakness is the temptations
My greatest weakness is my mental mutilations
Neither are in relation
I was pointed out by my mind's creation
Who I am when we're together is who I shouldn't be

She sits on the sidelines
Outlined by shadow and smoke
Her curling p's and q's go unnoticed
Watching him wallow in darkness
Persephone and Hades comes to mind
Although in reverse
The ashes of her springtime **** craves the bright burning flame of his 
Unforgiveness
Coming on like a fifth street ******
Red lips and sky high thighs
She's got bad intentions 
His fathomless inkwell craves the sweetness of her embrace
We all aren't built the same she thinks
But she'd let him tap her vein
Violets and stars winking in her vision
His cold touch finally reaches her
Hot skin melting past his reluctant facade
It was all a game he whispers
To get you closer
**To make you mine

Time slows, silent water bullets plunge down
Bullets of regret, shame and selfishness
Piercing air. Explosions release the pain
Quiet puddles. Mixture of water,salt and dirt
Forgiveness comes next. By God and self
Tears fall to the floor. So does regret and shame
Most of all unforgiveness falls. Whispering. Be free my child

So under under they clapped like thunder.
Rolled it over and dove around.
Picked up love and held it till it broke and splashed on their heads with a
           soft wet sound.
Drenched in jelly oozing warmth they licked their lips and spanked the
           season unforgiveness not forgotten they mash their fists til winter
           knows their name.
"Dread us winter take what's coming you're on time-out til we're famous
            not ambitious never stressing eat your veggies and blow your
            storm.
But not here no we're the North and you've been dried up stop your crying
            have fun south now count your blessings we'll talk later if you're
            game."
We've got dancing, we've got sunshine, drenched in jelly all the same.
Lick our lips cause we're relaxing how's it taste like raspberry chocolate?
They're not happy we'll be for them just like jelly not a crying shame.

I've never stood on this side of "unforgiveness" before.


A whole different kind of pain that I've known nothing about, ever, in my lifetime.


A place, I never dreamed I'd end up.
I'd never done anything unforgivable before, to anyone.
But here I am in this.. Place, time, diminsion...


A place so sad and Harsh, uncaring and cruel that it  rips apart my very worth, a day at a time.
Leaving all of me mangled, on memory's cold, dusty floor.


I see myself through your eyes and even I despise myself.
I'm locked inside inaccurate details that somehow become hard lined truth and fact without reason or exception.

Only worthy of the harshest punishment.


Truth doesn't live here in this tortured place of long halls of funhouse-like mirrors created by your mind.. imaginary demons distort even the purest memory of who I really am, and what I was to you.


I should simply no longer exist like this, in my Un-pardonable grave of disgrace.  
Non-deserving of even the smallest shred of mercy.


Through your eyes I am a worthless *****, a liar and manipulator and heartless...
Or worse...


A faceless, nobody that you never knew.


I hardly recognize myself in this distorted view.
But who am I to defend my own worth to one who once saw me worthy to love?


I'm not worth fixing now or worthy of defending.
I'm  just a unforgiven act that can never be redeemed.


You can't hear my screams or my telling you that this isn't ME!
It truly isn't ME!


I whisper "I'm sorry's" into the dark, until even I'm tired of hearing it.
Helplessly and hopelessly I fell into places I've never been before.  
The darkest side of hate and disgust.


I'm not worth your words anymore or worth hearing.
Scarcely worth a thought.
Cast out and banned far away from you.
Nothing more than garbage beside the roadway.


I am no more, my feelings are muted.
I'm out of sight and mind, therefore I don't exist.


I am in fact.. Nothing.


Your thoughts of hate so sharp that it penetrates my shattered heart.
I can't even feel myself breathe anymore.
Not dead, but not alive.


I wish that I could bleed or die, but that would give relief that I don't deserve.


Untrusted, unloved and carefully judged and sentenced to a silent hell of hatred and death, that no human should ever see or feel.


I used to love seeing myself through your eyes and now I have to close my eyes because I'm too scary and disgusting to look at.


Doomed,  better off dead, am I, than to live unforgiven in this dark, silent torture..
Hated by the same heart that once loved me before my fall from grace.
Unable to plead my case before the judge who charged my sins.


So cold and unfamiliar that I don't even recognize the heart that I once knew as the extension of my own.


Now banished to a
literal hell without a door.


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