A speck among the dust
Not something easily seen
A single being in a vast majority
But here I lay
A particle in the void.
Where is my originality?
My intended purpose?
Was I made to lay here
To die among millions?
Or am I supposed to find
my own meaning?
Yet here I feel as if I’m the only speck
To not know what they’re doing.
...I can’t exactly think
Nor can I speak.
But the differences between us all
Will tear me apart.

Run far away
From this wrecked home
And see a better throne
Run away
So you don’t have to see me
Become who you hate
Run away
Before I take your love
And burn it to nothing
Run away
Before my hell freezes over
You need to take cover
Run away
Before you realize just how bad I am for you.

Chest rocking up and down
A casket of love
Built with shattered veins
And dirtied hands
The dirt a heart-red glow
My breathe an old engine
Words turning to ice
With every nail in the coffin
A beautiful funeral for someone
I so desire
My Aphrodite
My glorious little rose
I’ll bury you if you’re to leave
I’ll bury you with me
You’re never to leave.
You’re one foot in the grave already~

Ignore the impending doom,
ignore the warning signs
Ignore the hateful glares
The flashing red lines
The labels beg to differ
Between everyone I meet
But still I feel myself simmer
In a vat of oiled up sheets
This escape room turns to hell
My every thought here to dwell
A bird inside a cage in a cell
I knew this could never turn out well
I thought you were good
but it’s clear that you’re not
If I wasn’t so kind
I’d leave you here to rot
You signed your fate
You’re to bleed under a rock
So won’t you please
Ignore my Warning Signs?

What’s this feeling?
The pressure upon my chest, pushing me down
Its
s    u    f     f    o    c    a    t   i    n   g
And I don’t know why.
Is it because of them?
Whom I to point the finger to this time?
I feel a boiling in my stomach at these
thoughts.
Why did it ache so much?
There must be something awry in my brain.
This sense of dread
This lingering loneliness.
But what is this feeling..?
It aches through my bones
through my pours and through my
f   l   e   s   h
Like a thousand knives ripping through my
entire being.
This sickness rising in my chest,
burning in my ribcage and setting my soul ablaze.
But for what reason?
What else could selfish me possibly wish to bargain for?
Please just tell me, dear friend
What is this feeling?

She wasn’t there.
Not in this world,
not in another world,
nowhere.
So how did I see a woman that simply
Didn’t exist?

Beyond the bounds of reality,
Anything is possible.

The possibility of the one person I truly
Cared for the most not existing
To anyone but me.

I asked around.
My mother.
My father.
My own brain, even.
She didn’t exist,
So how was she standing right in front of me?
If only I knew, but I only got to know her.
Every day was a new adventure.
She took me to the movies to see a replay of her favorite.
We went to go get her favorite ice cream.
It was amazing.
We planned to get married, yknow?
But that was until I asked why she never hugged,
kissed,
or even let me hold her.

She told me you can’t hold someone who shouldn’t exist.
I told her she existed to me,
and she became real to herself.
It was strange when people started asking questions about her.
They all seemed to know her.
But all at once?
It was strange, and I hated it.
She soaked the attention from the relationship,
And loved existing.

I wished she didn’t exist.
And I began to disappear,
Elizabeth in my stead.
In my bed,
In my clothes,
In my room,
In my stolen body.

A soft sigh leaving the enclosure of my lips,
briefly letting my disappointment become visible.
How could anything so beautiful be touched?
If only I were to grasp the brightness of the star,
the beauty of my muse,
I could then grasp why I can’t have it.

Like a glimmering star,
like a dozen golden coins sinking to the sea floor,
I allow my hand to reach and attempt
if only just an attempt
To grasp what could've been mine.

If only in another life, or in another
timeline.
I could have him.
But Fate plays tricks,
Weaves lies,
And, oh, does Fate have stories to tell.
Like that of Romeo and Juliet,
some things may never come to fruition
as you’d like it.
But to have never been given a sliver,
not one feeble slice,
of a chance at something you’d so desperately love,
Some would rather be dead.
Then to live without the stars.
Then to breathe without gold.
Then to never find Romeo.

And so I breathe, and Fate doesn’t change.
But how I react to her does.
And Fate can’t play tricks
with her hands bound,
with her mouth sewn shut,
nor with the light of day
never touching her face
again.

I am Fate
I am the stars
I am sinking gold
I am Romeo,
As I am Juliet
I am Toby.
And that’s all I have to be.