From just a stranger I did not know.
To a friend I could learn about though.

From a friend who made me smile for days.
To a secret crush who set my heart ablaze.

From a crush I was scared to get too close.
To my partner, who loved me and it shows.

From my partner, I could see a life together.
To my future, any problems we could weather.

From my future, with plans that only grew,
Became a stranger, I completely knew.

So the old addage says:
"Grief is the price we pay for love."
Never knew how true it was,
until I had to grieve my love.

three hundred and eighty days,
yet still I grieve for what we had.

I do not regret loving you.
I regret how hard I loved,
that I'm forced to continue
paying the price of love.

My heart was broken by my first love for many reasons,
yet none were sufficient enough to give me closure.
I know she will never love me again,
At least not the way she used to.
Yet despite the empty space and the vast distance between us
I cannot give up or further myself from her.
Why can I not just let her go?

The world says to me that I'd be doing us both a favor.
One last act of love. "Let her go".
Get a life, be free, be better, "Let her go".
Focus on yourself, push yourself, "Let her go".
It'll come with time, don't try so hard. Just... let her go...
Yet despite what the world will tell me,
how easy others drop and move on.
I believe it's facade, a mask covering their feelings.
Nobody but the internet knows I haven't moved on.
It's easy to put on a mask and pretend you have let her go.

But I ask of you, when the pain a year ago is still as fresh today,
how does one... actually... "Let her go"

I'm trying to move on, but my heart won't let go.

I might not be texting you, or even seeing you. But, I'd respond in a heartbeat should that notif pop up on my phone.

I may not greet you like I did on the daily, but even a year later... you're still the last thought when I fall asleep.

It may no longer be the blissful smiles, and instead be the tearful cries. But I miss you and I think about you.

I unblocked you today,
But I didn't know what to say.
You left me 1 year ago
But always on my mind though.
I want to reach out and call
Would that be talking to a wall?
In a moment of weakness
I did what anyone might guess.
I unblocked you today,
But I didn't know what to say.

Of all the people I could be,
why wasn't a person you could love
just be one of them.

Of all the promises that we made,
why couldn't you staying with me
be at least one of them.

Of all the reasons you could choose,
why was **** out of my control
******* one of them.

When two people love each other
but can't seem to get it together
when do you say enough is enough?

Tick Tock, Tick Tock
Thats the sound of the clock.
A warning, an ending oncoming.
The pain in my heart numbing.

Ding ****, Ding ****
My love I had, no longer strong.
Waning each day, Missing you.
I guess our relationship won't renew.

Tick Tock, Tick Tock
Time passes, but we don't talk
For my own peace of mind
My goodbye letter goes unsigned.

"Goodnight" I typed.

The text prediction suggested "Baby" to follow after.

"Not anymore", I sighed.

Slander! You cried out loudly.
You've read me telling my story,
about how you left me so coldly

Slander! While claiming innocence.
Pretending I'm making up *******.
Whilst hiding in cognitive dissonance

Slandered am I, as I read what you write
The many lies and excuses you make up.
Claiming I was wrong, and you were right.

Slandered am I, as I try to ignore what you say
I try to be the bigger person and move past it
But instead I write here, in an attempt to be okay.

Why can I be laughing and smiling,
Not ever even thinking about the past.
Bright hopes and futures, sunny tomorrows.
But as the sun sets, and the moons says "hello"
I'm alone in my room, and the thoughts echo.
Two creatures on my shoulder, whispering
But which is the devil, and which is the angel?
Do I listen to my heart and all my emotions I have?
Or on the facts and logic that prove it otherwise?
Questions spiraling, flooding my mind.
and I just wish, just once, maybe even a second,
That I wouldn't be alone in the dark.

Months pass, not a text from you.
Notifications long since dried up
But somehow you're always on my mind.

I have nothing that belongs to you.
Long removed those photos on my phone
Yet, you're always on my mind.

Not one reminder left behind.
Except a broken and hollowed heart.
And somehow you're always on my mind.

Just an empty soul, wishing for more.
hoping that one day, maybe decades away.
you won't only be in my mind.

When we were born,
we were afraid of the unknown.
The monsters, ghosts, and creatures.

We grew up.

As children we imagined
and believed in the fantastical,
The pixies, wizards, and dragons.

We grew up.

As teenagers we found connection
and believed in the supernatural
The demons, devils, and angels

I grew up.

And you continue believing in
demons, devils, and angels.

I said "I love you more"
You laughed and said "No, I do".
I won, but I lost.

I said "I'd be here forever"
You smiled and said "You'd be the one to leave"
I won, but I lost.

I said "I'll never leave you"
You glanced at me and said "One day you'll tire of me"
I won, but I lost.

I won, but I lost you.

My love for you:
it was indescribable,
it was incomparable,
it was Qualia.

Now we're separated.
the price I now pay.
hidden in the fine print.
it is Qualia.

Grief and Love,
it's a bargained deal.
impossible to put into words.
it is Qualia.

Someone told him
"If it's meant to be, set her free. She'll come back to you"
So he waited.

Someone told her
"If it was meant to be, he'd never have let go"
So she moved on.

It's been 7 months...
How come I sit here and wait
for something thats never going to happen?