maybe love is to watch a thousand winters pass, and still stand by his side because you know he's made of spring

I'm unraveling so quickly
as you're pulling my strings

there is so little of me left
that I'm hardly even here

I don't even leave footprints
nothing I do matters

even the wind skips over me
and blows the other direction

tired and lost

ready to crumble
and become the dust
that remains forever forgotten

as the wind starts calling
all the leaves are falling
they're not ready to die
so they're stopping and stalling

and the branches just sway
as the leaves try to stay
but the tree screams in pain
"WON'T YOU PLEASE GO AWAY!?"

so the leaves falsely smile
as they're raked in a pile
crumbled up into mulch
and spread over a mile

To the messy table we left after our dinner dates,
I always leave veggies on my plate;
Coz you know how much I hate them,
then you'll tell me, with a smile, to eat them.

To the all the places we used to go,
filled with smoke, from both our lungs and so;
Then we'll both promise to begin to stop,
At the end, I'm the only one who made it to the top.

To those new faces we knew,
from my friends, down to you;
I hoped for something that'll last,
didn't know it would be fast.

*All were the same, no one begged to stay.
It's like a routine, over and over again.
I wish I still have the strength to say,
but sorry, my heart lived with pain.

Pleasure of the pain
I moan
pleasure under your hands
Rough hands that grip my neck
Fingers slipping down my side
My side onto my thighs
Between my thighs, I bite my lip
You hear me breath
My breath is taken
You grab my hair
"Don't make a sound"
inside me
Your fingers long,
"You're ready for me"
Deep breaths I take
Deep breaths as you enter me
Deep breaths as you force me over
Harder, deeper, rougher
Deep breaths because I want it
The way you're giving it to me
The way you make me take it
I gasp, your hand around my throat
Again, I gasp....
I moan, feeling every inch
Slow breaths, I touch your wrist
To feel your strength
To feel your hand so tight
To hear you whisper,
"You belong to me"

Here I go again on this merry-go-round
Never knowing when it's going to stop
I feel like a spinning top
I used to find it so fun and exciting
But after falling off more than a few times it's not so inviting
It left me feeling dizzy and sick even though it ended so quick

Bubble gum and taffy are fine and dandy
If you're sweet and you like candy
But I like worms and bugs and dirt
I think they make a fine dessert

Slacking in participation
Leaving bleak anticipation
Wrapped up inside my creation
Lost in bits and dissipation

****** and drunk 'most every night
I don't make nice, instead I fight
Then I go home alone and write
Angry and bitter, full of spite

Exhausted from ideas grown
My head is huge, and poorly sewn
It tears and spills thoughts I had known
Staining the world in my words flown

I've got little to offer you
So I hope my **** rhymes will do
Under the secrets, I hold true
I smile under all this blue

I've lost thirty pounds in two months from hardly eating
I replace most meals with cigarettes and ****
I'm surprised that my heart hasn't yet stopped beating
But I guess the smoke is all I need to feed

I cut off all of my hair cuz I went crazy
I shaved part of my head as therapy
Or perhaps I chopped it off because I'm lazy
And dealing with hair was too much work for me

I tossed my kindness all right out the window
Cuz getting stepped on left me in the dirt
I took all my emotions and I let go
Because I was so sick of being hurt

I buried all my smiles in my backyard
When I said goodbye to my closest friends
When every person left me, life got too hard
And that was when my sweet side saw its end

Everyone I care about lives a million miles away
And I'm so empty I don't breathe at all
I grow further from society every painful day
My hope shatters like a porcelain doll