I guess in the end, it is true
that mastering the mind takes
maybe a lifetime

But even this is alright
because what's important is
this time we take to grow and
be generous to ourselves

We deserve the love
we give too easily,
so willingly,
once trust feels like
it's been formed,
back to ourselves

In fact, we may deserve it the most
but this is difficult to see
or understand
since we are all far too used
to giving more to others
than to ourselves

If only people knew
that we all carried the same fears,
the fear of being
disliked or rejected,
that we all just want to
have a sense of belonging

Maybe then, this world we live in
wouldn't have to feel so beak
or like its always against us at times

My heart feels like
it's about to shut down
from all the truths
that only I know

People view me
as kind
selfless
heartfelt
with empathy

Yet once they witness
my darker side
this inner demon
that is always
a few steps behind me

Once they see
the ashes and smeared blood
tainted within my mind and heart

I am once again alone
alone to pick up the pieces 
of a love that never was

You don’t decide who
Will make your heart race.
The corners of your lips just
Upturn so suddenly
That you only notice your smile
When you step forward and feel
The cement  pieces
Of a shattered frown
On the ground beneath your feet.

You see the slump in my shoulders
the way I carry myself
the burdens of boulders
that threaten my health.

When you ask what's wrong
I pull up my guard
don't want your pity or sad song
won't tell you why life's hard.

So if you want to know
I'll bottle it inside
wrap up all remains in a black bow
and tell you I'm fine.

It stands to reason,
That there must be
Last tomatoes of the season.
But I love them so much,
I can't bear seeing them go like this.

imagine you with me,
and keep, and keep imagining.

There will be nothing -
A lot of times,
With a lot of thoughts
And sleepless nights.

you don't exist when
my eyes are open
you don't exist when
my blood's not poisoned
when my soul's at peace
when my gut is full
and when I'm in company

So you exist most of the time
dear muse