she was born a half formed thing
holes in her soul
not enough effort left over
to raise her better
in her gasping wet breaths
she tried to be smaller
but only swallowed more
becoming lovers with her failure
missing the eyes and ears to know
she reached for an absent future
only learning later
she was made in the perfect shape
of their shame

i grew spines
when one was never enough.

I can be,
Just by myself.


And yet;

If I could breathe a dream,
It would be the one on your passenger side window.
I traced the veins of my heart
And found you tangled.

Happiness tucks itself inside her smile
Distrust slides its scales between her fingers

Beware to those who would love her
For you never know what else follows

pull up your bootstraps
wipe off your chins
our mouths may bleed
but these hearts
are iron armored
lets keep them out
just like we practiced

If love can be a habit
I can be the nail
that you bite
with an absent mind

They made her like a star
destroyer--

And never forgave her when she fired.

he didn't tell you
to put that ring on
but he might as well have
when the invoice was done

on the seventh day
the butterfly wing pages
covered in holy script
would wrap around
an insidious tongues sermon
pressing her heart to confess
to dark watchful eyes
its ungodly shape

fingernail made moons
bled her supplication
colored the pale, deaf air
with a desperate repentance
too garish and late
for them to ever deem her
worthy of being saved

along her raw fragile skin
temptations filth still crawled
sin too scarlet to be washed
to pay forgiveness' price
her body was to be tithed
the crimson covered over after
by her favorite wool white
Sunday Best dress

she thought he grasped
every atom inside of her
so gently
that surely she would break


                 p                               r
                                  
     a                                     
                                   a
                                                                           t

but he kept her all together

You           (stutter
                   like there's something more to say)
And

I                (move
                   like there's somewhere else to go)

one time I tried to be optimistic,
but,
well, let's just say it didn't turn out real great.

.  
                                                    l           ­       
                                                      
i looked at the sky     l
and                               a
wondered how to f

when everyone else
knew to fly

so that when you are lost, I can get lost with you too.

Tonight,
I've been made like poison;
Carefully measured,
Sweet and sour flavored.

He thought of her laugh
in the wet winters,
remembering what it felt like
to live in the warm summer.

morning light
cuts my soul
gently divides
lost from whole

You said jump in
And my bare skin burned
In the front seat

You said almost beautiful
And I watched every mirror
To find what was missing

You said use your words
And I used them all
Until my tongue was numb

You said straighten up
And my kinks were flat
against that hardwood floor

You said I liked make believe
And I knew
To go along with the story

When I was fifteen
They said I was young
And I felt younger still