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Renae Jan 2014
Dear God please forgive me
as I do the things you hate
For it's not about you,
It's about my sinful state
They say you died to forgive me,  
so forgive and forgive again
Because I am not sorry for the things I do
but I'd still like to be your friend.
Even though you came they say,
to show us how
to live the right way
I think my way will suffice
because it makes me feel alright
For the here and now is all I see
so how about I'll show you
instead of you show me
The attitudes of many makes me smh. I am in shock at the idea of God conforming to mankind instead of mankind  submitting to the one who deserves to be obeyed.
Renae Jun 2014
What is in a word?
Does it matter?
Is it useful?
Is it kind?
Do you say it in a song?
In a letter?
In poetry?
How do you see others?
First do you see yourself?
Do you listen?
Do you help?
Do you pay attention?
Do you pretend?
What is in a word anyway?
I believe words are powerful enough to build up or tear down, what do your words say about you?
Renae Nov 2014
Endurance*
is the name of this game
so, I do.
Renae Jan 2014
The waters are calm and icy, moonlight glimmers across the vast blue sea but the fog is thick up ahead
This world cold like an icy sea in darkness they stay seemingly calm as they stray into dense fog so that they cannot clearly see their way.
"Speed it up we want to make it a day early!" the bribed captain tells the crew. With a smile and a laugh they gladly obey.
Faster now and a little too late, the unsinkable cannot turn sharp enough to slide by unscathed.
Just like the titanic the world is anxious to speed things up, to get ahead, to progress in anyway possible in order to make more money or fame. Very little is done to make good choices, until all of a sudden it's too late.
Unafraid they proudly announced she would not sink. With so much pride the rich remain in denial.Time seemed to drag on as they got the rich to safety. Enough lifeboats to save 1500, yet in their disbelief and unwillingness to unite only 700 made it out alive.*
The world still believes only the wealthy should remain. There is no unity in humanity, hence,... this system is a lot like the Titanic.*

2 Peter 3:3&4
"First of all know this, that in the last days ridiculers will come with their ridicule, proceeding according to their own desires and saying: ' Where is this promised presence of his? Why, from the day our forefathers fell asleep in death, all things are continuing exactly as they were from creations beginning'"
Matthew 24:37-39:
"For just as the days of Noah were, so the presence of the Son of man will be. For as they were in those days before the flood eating and drinking, men marrying and women being given in marriage, until the day that Noah entered into the ark, and they took no note until the flood came and swept them all away, so the presence of the Son of man will be."
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20071129121817AARZMIJ
Renae Feb 2014
Stay straight while you keep your head up
This too shall pass
Stumbling blocks on the road try to trip you up
Just try to remember where your at
What's important? Where are you going?
In this life nothing lasts
So stay straight while you keep your head up
This too shall pass
Renae Nov 2015
Empty threats  
Fill up pages
Seems I come to see
Angry ink of
Thoughtlessness
Renae Aug 2015
Like
the pendulum swings
Time repeats
A continuos motion
Causing
Monotonous
Unforgiving often
That's the story
Of
Time's motion
Renae Jan 2014
It seems slow, time does,....but he will sneak right by you, before your eyes begin to see
One day you find life is wild like white water rapids, most all highs and carelessly crashing, tossing you aimlessly this way than that, the next day you're dry as the desert plain, cracked and hopelessly deserted.
You won't find time crying for you. You won't find him waiting, but in a moment, in a smile or in a kind word, with every passing hour; time might pull you through.
Renae Jun 2017
Precious are the moments
Since moments turn to hours
Hours turn to days, and so on
Nothing is more expensive
More fleeting
Nor has the quality
Time is golden
It is not a small thing
But the small things
That matter
Since time is so valuable
Choose wisely
It to whom you'll give
Renae Mar 2017
Slowly sliding halfway off the cushion
The pillow behind my head feels a bit too
Hard for my liking
It keeps my eyes peeled for something
Anything that might spark my interest
Enough, is there any such thing that exists?
No, I've decided, nothing could keep me
It is too late to resist, heavy as they feel
Eyelids close
like blankets covering windows
Cover these loud Windows please
Life is much too chaotic for the likes of me
No, I feel myself drifting
I am much too tired for anymore of this
Much much too tired
Renae Jul 2021
I'm less than half a century
there's so much this world tells me I should be

I don't know
how that could be
I did what I ought
I stood and I fought
I ignored what I knew
they thought of me

Now my bones are weary
my muscles have
no get up and go
they feel they have
nowhere to be

I try to see the hope in view
I focus on that narrow
slice of light I knew
I stood with
my feet in concrete

Now I am tired of standing
I am no longer what I can be
This existence wasn't happy
Since the only version of
Love I knew,
never lasted for me
💔
Renae Jun 2015
Many would say
Bravery
Takes a risk

A brush with death

No fear
A sharp eye
Quick wit
Many would say
Bravery
It takes harsh
Reality

I say
To be brave
Takes a stand
It takes faith
A strong heart
And courage
A silent prayer

Or many

A heart full of love
A willfulness
Walking a path
On your own
Without it ever being
Known

Bravery cries
Silent tears
No listening ear
Ever hears
Only
To get back up
With eager
persistence

To be brave
Is many things
It's strong
It's loyal
It's resilient
But most of all
To be brave
truly takes endurance
Renae Jan 2014
I caught a glimpse of you today
In a moment of reminiscing
shared in a word

I longed for yesterday today
The sound of your smile
on the line; I was buried  
in a blanket thought of comfort

The smallest hint of satisfaction
came through today,
after my expression

Today your sound
runs through my senses
Renae Jan 2020
You said "Your *****'s not big enough,
you aren't that great, you aren't all that, old lady,  you're boring"
You made me feel like anybody
More like nobody than somebody
Even though you never even knew me
Or took the time
So it should be understandable
I never fell in love with you.

Masculine

Feminine

I guess I'm somewhere in between

Masculine because I need me
Gotta step up my game
Hustle and make a living

Feminine me, is never seen
Locked away in my beauty cave
Preserved for the one
who proves to me
He believes I'm worth the effort
Worth the time
Worth the chase


That's the one I'll belong to and he will be mine. ♡
Renae May 2016
Thank you
For providing me
A place to bleed
From my eyes
And my heart
Renae Jun 2014
The beauty that only exists in an encouraging word, is the kind of beauty you radiate. The kind that I will always remember and cherish, until the end of time.
For Janice Boker,  I love you sister.
Renae May 2014
Thank you
Thank you for minutes,
for sideways smiles and winks
For laughter and honesty
I felt the freedom tonight
I was 10 years ago
Life was in the moment
A rainbow broke through storm clouds
Tonight
I was young and in love
with a calm from above
I smiled up to the sky
Said a prayer in my mind
It went something like this
**I love you
Renae Jul 2014
I was too nice to you
Always patiently waiting
Forgiving every mistake
Trying to
forget every outburst
Always hoping for you
Praying for you too
Wanting you
Loving you


Truth is

I was always...
just too good for you
Renae Jan 2023
You think you're
doing life right?
Bending over
backwards
no fights.
Never saying
what's on your mind.
You always break
You know
they're fake,
all they do is
take take take...
leave you in pieces
feeling too
awake.
But you're here again
In tears again
Does reciprocation
exist?
Or is empathy
a disease?
One that only
brings you
to your knees.
I digress
my mind's a mess
I don't know
how it works
to
put myself first.
Renae Aug 2014
This smile has turned around
As sudden as it happend it was through
Although my heart wanted more
It was just too good to be true
Renae Mar 2015
You know it's just too little too late
When the experience comes before
& the advice comes after.

It's just too little love and too late to listen.

You know how it is, like when you already fell but 10 minutes later  someone yells  "Hey!  Watch out! There's a giant crevasse under that blanket of snow!" ...because the light already went out for you,  you're broken; bleeding in agony yet who can save you when you're so far down?

You're all alone so in despair you give in to sleep.  Just then  someone remembers you from miles away but the sadness can only linger now because no one can save you from what has happened ...

just too little too late.
Renae Jun 2014
Lost and lonely hearts are always on the mend
Stitching and stabbing at ripped seams
For they cannot be sewn straight any-longer
Renae Feb 2014
Hate filled words crash  
into innocent ears
bruising the core of a once strong soul
Unruly hypocrisy
breaking the young mind
Confusion resides in every corner
Hands of fury
abusing headship
abusing privilege
Renae Dec 2023
When trauma feels like home
It can be a lonely place
Isolation from family, from everything but the truth
It's a total disgrace.
We know inside, it's not healthy
there is no comfort
it's not bringing peace.
Oh but familiarity
seems like clarity
I fear this delusion
will continue
until Im certainly deceased.
Renae Jun 2017
Winding through
The evergreens
Up this way
Back down what brings
Sitting in the back
Swaying this & that
So many resturaunts
Adding inches to hips
Licking what's left
From fingertips
Bodies uncomfortable
squished in tight
Dying to stop
To stay for the night
All stretched out
All cuddled in
Continental breakfast
On the road by 6 am
We had some fun, we saw the sights
Exciting days & beautiful nights
Exhausted in the evening
When we hit the hay
Up bright & early
The very next day
Back through the fields
Down the winding roads
To familiar things
To a place called home
Renae Feb 2014
Head above water
                     just enough
.                            to keep from drowning completely
Renae Mar 2014
Testing testing testing
Do you know trichology?
Its oh so tricky you see
It's the trickiest thing to me
I can't seem to decipher between
pityriasis and pediculosis
Trichcatilosis it's all so  noxious
Hypertrochosis is an overgrowth process
If you knew what was happening to me
You'd be like "see ya wouldn't wanna be ya"
Because the effects on me of trichology  
is causing me alopecia
I am very nervous about my trichology test tomorrow in cosmetology school
Renae Apr 2015
It goes off
Before you know it
Before you can think twice
One slip bliss
No more worry about this
No more worry about you
No more thinking it through
I'm tired of these triggers
Stabbing like a knife
Tired of hurting  
Tired of life
Renae Feb 2014
If I were
a perfect hourglass
your prized and polished trophy
then would you hold me
high up for all to see?
Probably you would
I would be shiny and beautiful
sitting alone on your shelf
collecting dust
until it was time
to show me off again
Renae Nov 2014
Trouble finds me everywhere
It must like me a lot
Renae May 2014
He touched me and I shivered
Smiled at me and I withered
looked in my eyes and I blushed
Told me he wants me so much
Kissed my lips and I'd melt
This is how true love felt
Renae Aug 2015
Trust who?
Trust you?
Why should I?
What have you done
That makes me want to?
Have you said something
That sounds so true?
I've been down this road before
Why believe you?
Even if you mean it now
In 10 years I doubt you do
Trust is easily broken
Forgotten and used
It is something I possess
No longer
Since
My trust has been abused
Renae Mar 2015
A girl once had a precious jar, it held inside all of her heart. It was filled to the top with special things, like trinkets and pictures and memories. It was painted all pink and glittery. Across the top read her name, she kept it safe behind a frame. Then one day a school friend came by,.... ever so curiously, poking around her jar of special things. Clumsily asking her what was inside, "oh it's really just nothing " she quickly replied.  Honest to God she doesn't want them to see... her very private  personal memories. Some of them good and some not so much,... "You can look at the outside but please don't touch". And this truly was all she'd ask, it shouldn't have been such a very hard task. Alas and still he waited until to the ladies powder room she wondered. He felt the glass, the glitter and paint picked it up and shook it! To the ground it shattered! All over the floor her memories were scattered. Quickly he rushed stumbling this way and that, ripping some papers stepping on glass. In the blink of an eye and it was all over, as quick as he came he ran out the front door.
Renae May 2014
Trust me*
you say, I'm not doing anything wrong
But you decide that you're leaving
without saying you're gone
Going for a ride  
Same place you always go
How am I to trust you when I already know?
She was someone you slept with
Years ago or yesterday
How would I ever know anyway?
So when you say trust you it's no easy thing
I know what you're capable of ...
Oh yes I know
Trust me
Renae May 2016
Truth hurts?
Maybe so
But for those
With the guts
To say it like it is
Truth
Is therapeutic
Un-
Renae Jan 2014
Un-
I can still write words
Words unseen, unappreciated
Unheard
I can still pen my emotions
In black & blue
twisting syllables and sentences
So you won't understand
How it feels to be lonely
Abandoned & rejected
I can write words
You'll have to find
Through dictionary pages
And perhaps you might not
Have the time
So instead you'll sigh unimpressed
And close the book
Renae Feb 2014
Undeniable
It's undeniable the intricate design
The beauty of
The complexity
Take for instance the honey bee
Seemingly irrelevant yet
Invaluable to humankind
or have you noticed the water cycle?
Could you duplicate the impossible?
The perfection of creation
It's undeniable
I'm so sick of people giving perfect creation the evolution title. If you created something, would you want the credit? How would you feel if people gave credit to any or everything else but you?
Renae Oct 2022
Underneath
I suppose I was vibrant
Confident
Useful &
Unused yet
Before the war
Before the destruction
I was beautiful
Loveable
Underneath the rubble
I was something
To be admired
Inspirational
Underneath it all
Renae Jan 2015
Oh mind of mine
Stop thinking
Accept misunderstandings
Find the serenity
I know it is confusing
Though He is not
And your heart is full of want
Time is unforgiving
Unfair is all your feeling
Try to find comfort
Without understanding
Thanks be to Jehovah for being greater than our hearts.
Renae Feb 2015
What's the meaning?
The deeper meaning
The suffering and constant stress
Anxiousness is so confusing
It makes your mind a mess

So why worry about the why
Just remember the Proverbs
When you must cry
And never lean
on your own understanding
Pour out your heart
As you remember to
Never be demanding

Always remembering too
This picture
Is so much bigger
Than just me and you

So never start to worry
About the next day
Cause the next day might be
Just as bad as today

Focus on what's good and true
He clothes the lillies and feeds the birds
What makes you think
He doesn't care about you?
Prov.3:5&6, Matt 6:33 &34
Renae Oct 2014
It's gone
Rushing away
Tumbling, turning
Fast as the current carries
I watch it disappear
Out of my sight
No way to turn back
While I sit
On this bridge
Renae Dec 2013
This is unfair
I fight and read
and I get lost in prayer
I try so hard not to fall
It's just so unfair
Endure to the end
but how can I bear
When you constantly
Surround me
You are always there
It seems to be
an impossible task
To allow you in
Is so much to ask
To believe in lies
Is something I cannot do
I cannot trust you enough
To believe in you
Renae Dec 2013
His chin dipped low, eyes lifted, hovering
Scoping me up and down
Perhaps sizing me
Measuring, maybe
I couldn't decide even if I wanted to
But that's the problem
In that moment when our eyes met
I couldn't think
I believed in matrimony,
I believed in the 3 fold cord
I could not imagine betrayal
Understanding was confusing at best
Like layer upon layer of searching thoughts
Thick with textures, lost in a maze of unending questions
Clouding my mind but not my memory
I remember truths while I cannot forget the lie
I never understood what was taking place
Love, lust, punishment, anger....... And for what?
For my honest heart? For obedience and submission?
For loving my husband?
I indulge now in scripture
    I relish in my burning desire
A desire to expose your devilish deception
To expose you
You're evil lust
like the ****** of Baal
Treating someone like me as a temple harlot
disgusting as the Roman bathing pools
You are ungodly..
Renae May 2014
You're not interested
I'm not interested either
You think you are the only one
To close your eyes?
To leisurely skip over?
Oh no darling, I must smirk
I too am not interested in you
I understand the lower road
is easy to take, I try not to run that way
When the inspiration jumps out at me
I will stop I promise
I will acknowledge the depths of your unquenchable desire
I will praise your heart's honesty
I will leave a mark
Until then I will pass by
Uninterested
Renae Aug 2021
I don't claim to know
What's good and what's not
There's things I know
that aren't just thoughts
I remember that night
the wind blew cold
it tried to **** us
But we were stronger
than the wind
We were stronger in the end
We stood up
We fought
took our stand
Full of endurance
Resistance
They swung and hit
but the ball it missed us
They're aiming For something
they can't reach
Someone who loves us
strong enough
to make us trees
Our roots growing deep
Holding on with both hands
Drinking from streams
They cannot touch
We know what's right
The end is in sight
Now we take our stand
Unite
Renae Jan 2018
Unpredictable who?
Me?
Why would'nt you
expect me to be?
Unpredictable you seems
A normalcy
Renae May 2016
Strings and sticks
holding
About their wrists
about their feet
You command
"dance!"
they do
Its fear
You tell them it's love
Of course
Writing their verse
Sticks & strings
holding
Tighten the grip
You believe
In love with control
Influence and such things
Tightly holding on
To something
You see
like a stage
A performance
entertainment
purposed

The one above you
Sees you

Puppets are toys
And toys are for children
Showing
Yourself a child
Playing
Until the toys,
The children,
The grass,
The air,
The food,
The dirt are useless
Ruining
What does not
belong to you
Renae Feb 2018
I love being alone
For as long as I can remember
Alone is my comfort zone
I get lost in myself
No worries
no one else to care about
Not lonesome, never lost
That only happens when
I find myself
Trying to get lost
In someone else
My mind becomes enthralled
It is almost like poison
Seeping through my veins
Nothing but confusion
Inside my brain
I cannot understand why
Why did he say what he said yesterday?
Why isn't he interested today,
He was so into me
Wasn't he?
Wait a second, step back,
Re-evaluate
This isn't true love, why am I stuck in debate?
I cannot convince anyone of who I am
This is not the end
It must have been
a ploy  for revenge
From a bitter soul
who obviously has
no idea who I am
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