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586 · Jan 27
Anybody's touch
redberry Jan 27
I don't want just anyone
Anybody's touch
I want yours
and yours only

Even when you're not in my life
yet
I still just want yours
and yours only

Perhaps that's why I wait
And wait
but I never know when to stop waiting

And so I wait for anybody's touch
169 · Feb 4
Push and Pull
redberry Feb 4
I was doing just fine
without you
without anyone
finally, I sighed in relief

I forgot to close the door
Suddenly
I was pulled in

Cautious, I simply peeked out the door
I shouldn't have

I should've closed the door
I had forgotten to
Maybe not
Maybe I hoped

But the door closed on it's own
and I thought
What a good thing it did

It opens again
To pull

pushed

and pulled

push...and pull...
I grew weaker to resist with each force

I am a tired soul now
Only so much strength left in me to
either
open the door for the last time
or close it for once and for all

I hate these games,
the pushing and the pulling

I want to settle.
but who's there to settle with?

So I push the door open
to walk away
to enter another
and pull it shut.
redberry Apr 24
"You're special"
"You're worth it"
"You're so unbelievably important to me"

But
But
But

I won't choose you
Nor will I fight

But
But
But

"I really do want you"
"to be with you"

"I WANT this"
"You can't tell me I don't love you"

But
But
But

"You deserve better"
"I can't meet your needs"

and so...
"I won't choose you"

But...But...But
My only need was for you to choose me
To reflect my choice
of choosing you
In disappointment I sit now
Pooled around me what I cannot distinguish
From tears and streams, it flows through me

My needs now washed away...
37 · Jan 15
Will I ever know?
redberry Jan 15
I always wondered why it seemed so difficult to love me. People come and go and come back again. They would feel loved, appreciated, cared for and gained wisdom from. In some shape or form, I have always been a stepping stone for people. This isn't my perception, but I have been told so. At first, I couldn't love myself either. How could I?

Along the way, I learned to love myself. If not me then who ever will. I went on with life believing I am not to be loved but to love and give. To be and to give. To give and give. I was okay with that, still am, but a part of me aches for a what if. I wish to be loved. I wish to be enough and I wish I was worth staying and fighting for. To not be someone who is only valued after I have given all of me and abandoned. I wish someone didn't have to leave me to see me.

Time after time, I have to be okay with someone walking away. It's not their fault. It just wasn't meant to be. But it can still hurt. Can't it? I am allowed to grieve...aren't I? But I'm also tired of grieving...years on end.

While I don't regret the people I let walk into my life, and I can still look back and find happiness. I'm also growing older and am a little worn out now. I want to rest. I want someone to either leave me alone to begin with or stay with me and mean it.

When I think of my future, alone but with the life I've always dreamt of. I feel content, I feel okay and happy. I am at peace. Having someone beside me, is simply a bonus. But at times, I do question what the universe has in store for me. Will I ever know if I am meant to be loved in this lifetime?
27 · Jan 15
Honey Eyes
redberry Jan 15
I see a well
it's old by it's
History, Revisited
by a broken mirror?
No...
by a pebble?
No...
by a crow?
Oh! Perhaps so

Kra! Who screeches
It spots something
Glowing, like I see
Down sits honey eyes

Eyes with no sight
no sight of what I see
Left alone
The rising sun
pours, showers and soaks
the seated honey eyes

My ears buzz
with the tick of my stare
Golden dust ascends
honey eyes,
won't you float up
to me?

I wish to graze
a touch of sweetness
Sparks the strength
Wrote this for a friend, I wanted to take her out of the well she had been placed in. I wanted a way to show her what I saw of her. Her pretty honey eyes.

— The End —