Utterly petrified,
toes dangling precipitously over the bluff.
Transfixed on the swirling pain below mighty in its ancient tide.
Entranced by the dazzling facets twinkling from my diamond in the rough.
But I can still feel the salt trails from the last time I cried.
I can feel them linger tender on my breast.
And I look at you with with such cosmic wonder, truly starry eyed.
I want to be your home not the ever present guest.

How I wish I could trust you.
Give myself to you with strength and poise.
I wish I could find a loving pattern in the things you do.
Desperately I try and find my level voice clandestine in the noise.
Hiding the fear in spaces you have yet to see through.

I yearn for you with something deeper even than lust.
I wish you could see the beautiful despair you instill.
Every inch of me begs to keep you here  between every ******.
Then your departure wakes me from my transcendent stupor, sharp and shrill.
Maybe one day you will walk my inner sanctum, with enough time and a little more trust.

She stood by the window, half obscured by the steam.
She watched him lean against the brick, his shoulders hunched against the bitter wind.
One light shone down and his face was caressed by the beam.
What a beautiful stranger, a succulent muse.
Her gaze turned down to the maze of crumpled papers, all ideas she had binned.
Thousands of ink drops and nothing she could use.
Nothing that told of the battle inside.
Nothing was purging her soul.
She felt his gaze on her then but she didn't feel the need to hide.
She let his eyes linger and she felt he could see all her years and their toll. But under his gaze, for a split second, she felt whole.
Her attention turned to the music that played distantly below.
Her head rolled back and her lids fell heavy.
But her hips moved in time with the beat, and the rhythm began to grow.
It was the first time in a long time she had danced, and her heart lifted its levy.
Her body swayed and her lips parted with the words.
And she felt the draining of the swamp that had settled heavy in her chest.
He watched her dancing in the window and his laughter lifted like birds.
It settled on her ears and brought her mind some rest.
She picked up the pen and began to write, all thanks to the stranger in the night.

For ten long years, we have clung to each other
rooted in each other's insecurities
two trees withstanding the storm of time.
But like most things that grow from the youthful soil it is time now to sail upon the wind.
To germinate my mind and grow strong in foreign earth.
My love for you remains but my new found branches must stretch toward brighter light.
Our rings will be much different from now on
But our time together forever marked within us when the love was plentiful.
You are now tall and strong
A giant in a tiny forest.
And all I hope for you is a lush and green canopy to rest under.
Mild winters for your heart
And a swift coming spring.
As for me I chose to be a seed.
I chose to absorb the nutrients of the world
And grow from within before I burst forth somewhere new and fertile.
The strength we've gained from each other is no doubt what keeps me going.
But now it is time to grow away, stretching my face towards the sun drinking in the light of a new day.

Time has blessed this place
It has left it un-ravaged by the relentless persuit of progression
The future is bright and beautiful and blessedly far away here.

The grass sways with the thousands of ghosts who march through the fields
The sun puts on the same play millions have watched for millennia. As they sit on the grassy slopes still quite present.
The tress bend to carcass me the the way they have to countless others across my sacred history.
The very earth sings here in the language of time and blood.
Grounding you pulling you through the history that seems to fertilize this very place. This country shines green with time.

This is my soul
It is timeless and never ending in any direction
This is my soul
It is beautiful and feminine
This is my soul
It is masculine and dangerous
This is my soul
It does not exist within definitions and prejudices
This is my soul
It is as expansive as the universe

If I could just keep my mouth shut.
I can feel my better judgment shaking her head.
A knot is forming in my gut.
No one cares about where you've been, what you've seen, what march you led.
I ache to be poised, to shine like a beacon of grace.
Instead, I watch eyes glaze over.
Because let's face it no one can keep pace.
Keeping me calm is like finding a four leaf clover.
I just want to curl into a corner and hide.
Because I just can't do mysterious and I dread normal.
My mind just likes to take everyone for a ride.
I just want to bring everyone in, no need to be formal.
I just wish I could sometimes keep my mouth shut.

I can't shake the feeling that you are gone.
Pacing through the kitchen hoping that I'm wrong.
Keep on thinking that last night you said goodbye
and the anger keeps on throbbing with the loud ringing demand of, why?
Used to being alone but somehow this feels new.
These four walls seem to have changed overnight like they have released the scent of you. Back to being mine and mine alone a palace built for one.
Not what I want. Not what I need. Just where I am.
Tears drip through the phone flowing through oceans begging for guidance. Please tell me what to do and the familiar advice slips easy through. Take a piece of your heart, bury it deep, lock it away, keep it just for you.
Don't let anyone close enough to touch the beating pulsing essence you must keep to survive. Build walls, strengthen defenses, build bars with smiles.
Not what I want. Not what I need. Just where I am.
Keep on thinking last night you said goodbye.
Can't shake the feeling that you are gone.
Twisting my aching gut in sheets slick with saddened salt, hoping that I'm wrong.

Here I sit
In my beautiful home
With my wonderful family
And then it hit
All the things that could go wrong
that do go wrong...
All the bullets that need not be fired
All the blood that need not be spilled
All the mothers children who slip away everyday
Every fathers daughter who closes her eyes on the final high
Every bomb dropped, shooting done, overdose, all the finalities of this world.
And sometimes it feels hopeless
But perhaps its the fact that we still feel enough hope to recognize hopelessness that saves us. As long as we never reach the point where not caring is normal. As long as being alive is feeling pain for all the losses, even the ones that aren't ours. As long as we can sit in our blessings and recognize them as exactly that. Maybe there's a chance for us.

I feel your eyes on me when I sleep in your arms
I know you watch me breath in and sigh out,
I can almost see your brain send out the alarms
I can sense the feelings swirling in your chest, I know what your thoughts are about.
And while they may scare you, they terrify me
Because I have been here before
Right here, tangled, and glowing from the passion I can still see
Then with the setting of one sun, feeling abandoned, and resentful, with nothing left to adore.
You frighten me because my life has been tailor made for one
There isn't much room on my right side
And as I look into my future I feel that familiar urge to run
But just like the shore I can't escape the tide.
You caught up to me, it only took some time.