take me to a swimming pool that has not been peed in
with no grass or dead wasps floating around my bare skin
one newly installed that hasn't corroded yet

take me to fresh snow that has never been walked in
let me feel the crunch beneath my feet as i step into fresh turf and smile
knowing that they are all my footprints
knowing that i am the only one who has ever touched this ****** powder

take me to a coffin that has never been opened
a faceless, nameless beauty
one that nobody else knows about

and i will treasure it
like it is my own
because i am an old nobody, too

i cannot fathom
the (i'd)ea
of you (go)ing away
and leav(in)g
me here,
i(s)olated ,
unable to st(an)d
by mys(e)lf.i cannot fathom
the (i'd)ea
of you (go)ing away
and leav(in)g
me here,
i(s)olated ,
unable to st(an)d
by mys(e)lf.

n.d.

My mom used to put up sticky notes saying:
You are loved.
You are awesome!
God loves you.

They never got taken down, she's needs them now more then I do anyway.

I wrote her one and put it on her pillow.

She acted like the man upstairs wrote it.
She treats me like I'm the man upstairs.

I have not risen and I don't walk on ******* water.

I need to give her my sticky note that says:

Mom, I think god forgot about me.

He doesn't love me when I'm sad,
so sad I'll be.

Lock jawed.
Cuz when it rains it ******* pours.
Sleeping in dead fruit flies.
Choking on bug spray that killed said flies.
I need a job.


Praying for a god ****** miracle.