I wanted to walk with you as though our shoes were tied in a knot
and out of all the walking I've done, I could not do so feeling alone.
I had to have you by my side, it was the mentality behind the heart
that stands guard, too afraid to say 'I love you' and too afraid
to just let our laces untangle as we brace for a different life.

My mother always tells me, "the right girl will find her way to you"
as to do that I had to pretend that I was brave enough to stop hiding
because I've spent time confiding in the illusions of my mind
where you and I are holding hands, making plans and chasing dreams
but it seems that every time we sew the threads the seams seem
to become undone.

Take it from a guy who's excelled in hide and seek
the bleakest place to hide is always the one kept hidden away,
the forbidden place where snakes unravel from trees
and an apple a day makes things complete, but it isn't warm.
To conform to every single sweat and tear of living alone
has its price. Take it from a guy who's connected right to left hands
made plans between three people all synonymous with 'me, myself and i',
I can tell you that being alone isn't a good feeling.

The heart isn't hidden away, it's not meant to be kept safe,
sometimes you just have to let it break to know what living really is
because the realest of all emotions is letting yourself be vulnerable,
letting yourself feel loved and to feel love.

The heart sits behind a ribcage, but it's not meant to be hidden away,
it is there to remind you to breathe because in one swift moment
when your ribcage exposes your heart, someone will steal your breath
and death is not the result but the start of feeling alive.

Why else do we say, 'some people leaves us breathless'?

i would lay in bed most nights and think a lot. it happened when i was wondering what the hell i was doing. why i was still here. i thought of every last terrible thing i allowed others to do to me. how i forgave, again and again. how much hurt i further allowed. how deeply i knew that i was being treated badly but i still chose to not walk away.
i wanted to hug myself. i wanted to sob. i broke my own heart more than others ever had for me. it took me so long to realize how emotionally unattached i truly was from myself. how not one drop of self-love existed. except on these nights, when the full realization would hit me, and i would weep for myself. over every last terrible thing i endured and accepted. the future mistreating i was currently allowing, and would allow to continue.
i lived in such shadow of myself that it took years to realize i was good. that though i hate myself, i never deserved any of that. i am good.
i lay here some nights with burning eyes and wetness upon my cheeks. breaking my own heart over and over thinking of everything. knowing i still don't have the strength to completely walk away. is this how i am going to live? in constant emotional turmoil and self-inflicted abuse? is this all i am? all that i ever have been? am i just going to remain miserable, allowing them to keep hurting me?
i wanted to hug myself. i began to somewhat love myself, i guess. no one will ever break your heart as much as yourself.

Why don't you just die?
No. Stop it.
Why don't you **** yourself?
Stop. Now.
You're nothing but a *****.
No, I'm not. Stop it.
They don't love you.
Yes, they do. Shut up.
He doesn't want you.
Yes, he does. He said he did. Stop.
Slit your wrist, *****.
Stop it. Don't say that.
Nobody cares about you.
Yes, they do! Stop saying these things!
Just grab the gun...
No, I won't!
Put a bullet through you stupid brain.
No. I won't. I can't.
You coward. You're nothing but a ****.
I am not... Stop, please...
You deserved to have that man use you.
No, stop it.. Please...
You stupid *****, no one loves you.
Please... I'm begging you...
That's right. Go cry, stupid *****.
I'm sorry...
You should be, ****.
I'm so sorry...
Stop saying that, you'll never be forgiven.
I'm so terribly sorry...
Why do you keep saying-
BANG!
Wh-what happened?
Silence.
Hello? You there?
Silence.
Wait! You can't go!
What about your friends and family?
Your boyfriend?
Your future was so bright,
But... But I darkened it.
Myself and the other demons...
We killed you.
We harmed you.
We brought you pain.
It's all our fault.
And now it's too late
To even say that we're sorry...
We're so sorry...
I'm so sorry...
Goodbye, Liza.