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Penelope Winter Jul 2017
I once thought that
If you died
That very moment
I would too.
But now
Whenever you see me
I pray
That it kills you
Inside.
Penelope Winter Nov 2019
She will take you by the hand
And suddenly you'll understand
That all the pain in which you were
Was used to bring you here to her.

- p. winter
Penelope Winter Jan 2018
i knew i was dreaming
not when the deer head on the wall blinked
but when you touched me
as if on purpose

- p. winter
Penelope Winter Nov 2021
tomorrow will he look at me
with pity in his eyes,
ignore my vulnerability
and entertain the lies
of how i can be flourishing
while my emotion dies,
or will he never look at all
and hope i understand what that implies

- p. winter
Penelope Winter Oct 2017
you buried yourself into my skin

and now, no knife can

dig you out

again

- p. winter
Penelope Winter Sep 2017
i am an iceberg

there is more to me than meets the eye

but even when surrounded
by those made of the same values

i can feel myself
slowly melting

away

until i am exactly
as i seem

- p. winter
Penelope Winter Mar 2022
In strength I think I’m ready,
I can laugh and start anew,
But in illness I’m reminded,
At my weakest
I want nothing more
Than you.

- p. winter
You know in movies when the big tough guy is being a big tough guy but then when he’s like about to die or something he wants his mom… lol kinda like that. Like “pfft I’m fine I don’t need-“ and then you get sick and sad and tired and all you want is the comfort you swore you didn’t think of anymore
Penelope Winter Mar 2022
women marching left and right
more slender and more graceful
tall and calm and dainty
so astonishingly tasteful
moving like a stormy breeze
both powerful and gentle
i wish they’d come and visit
in the mirror on my mantle

- p. winter
oh to be 5’10 with blue eyes and an hourglass figure
Penelope Winter Dec 2021
When you held my hand did you feel
The callouses from the music I’ve played
The dirt from the trees I’ve climbed
The scars from the times I’ve fallen

Or did you feel only the warmth
Of something more than nothingness

- p. winter
Penelope Winter Mar 2022
Maybe he lets me in
Because he knows how I adore him

But at least he lets me in

- p. winter
Penelope Winter Mar 2022
I shall not force your fist to uncurl,
But, should your hand open,
Of its own volition,
Mine will always be ready to hold.
How dangerous, my readiness
To be yours.

- p. winter
I am very sick and very sad and weeks behind in every class
Penelope Winter Sep 2018
you are the sun and i the moon
for your radiance gives warmth and life
and only when i reflect your glory
do i become my best and brightest self

- p. winter
Penelope Winter Oct 2017
i'm tired
of this ache

my skin burns
my mind cries

i don't miss you,
i just miss being happy

- p. winter
Penelope Winter Feb 2022
when the silence of death
is louder than the noise of living
i ponder for a moment
which to choose

- p. winter
update: the fact that this went trending… take care of yourselves and your loved ones goin through it xo
Penelope Winter Feb 2022
My room was once a mess.

Jeans and plants and records and books and rubik’s cubes and pens and playing cards and instruments and journals and sneakers and poems and photos and sheet music and candles and


My head was once full of music.

Show tunes and operas and flutes and guitars and jazz and love songs and hate songs and blues and ballads and choirs and organs and drums and jingles and


My life was once summer.

Friendships and ice cream and sunshine and bonfires and family and concerts and daisies and romance and road trips and skateboards and laughter and


Now I am empty.

Silent and wistful and jealous and solemn and broken and burdened and hungry and cold and angry and hurt and forgotten and fearful and weak and


My room is still a mess.

- p. winter
Penelope Winter Jul 2019
This body
Has been with me
For as long as I have lived

Why must it
Betray me so

- p. winter
Penelope Winter Dec 2021
Death does not scare me,
It is the means
And the ease with which it takes
That haunt.

- p. winter
you know when you feel like you’re the only one hurting and it’s like “oh cool am i supposed to pretend nothing happened and go about my day now” and then you just can’t focus on anything bc you’re using all your energy to pretend you’re not fighting the sad thoughts out of your head but since you can’t focus you can’t enjoy yourself so you just kinda sit there and stew in your own feelings staring at a plant while life happens right before your eyes and you know you should be able to just accept it and move on but you just wanna go to bed because you feel stupid for being the only one who cares but also hurt that nobody else cares but also glad that they’re doing ok but also sad that they’re ok with it yea anyway how are you doing today i’m doing great here’s a dramaticizing of the phrase “it’s not what you said it’s how you said it” pls enjoy
Penelope Winter Nov 2017
i wonder if i've ever
made you nervous

if my name made goosebumps
bubble on your skin

and your breath
quicken

i wonder if i've ever
made you dizzy

if you've ever felt or fallen
as i for you

- p. winter
Penelope Winter Nov 2021
I must be in denial.
I chose this for myself
And for you.
But if I saw you from across the room
I wouldn’t be able to look away.
And if I saw you on the street
I’d run and wrap my arms around you.
And if I saw you with another
I would freeze.
And remember.
And force myself to cross the street.
And force myself to look away.
I chose this for you
And for myself.
I must be in denial.

- p. winter
Penelope Winter Nov 2018
there was a time in my life
when sadness was a habit.
an inevitable spiral.
it was never not there.
until it wasn’t,
and healing came
like sunlight through
a crack in the clouds.
but every now and then
i get flashbacks
and feel myself falling back
into my inevitable spiral.
and it feels oh so good.
and it feels oh so natural.
old habits die hard.
old sadness lives on.

- p. winter
Penelope Winter Aug 2019
A gift from heav'n
To bless my life
A man for whom
Is no worthy wife

But must I choose
'Tween he and He?
Two loves
True loves
Dismemb'ring me.

- p.winter
Penelope Winter Nov 2021
my dignity dripped down my cheek
racing towards the floor
as you wiped it e’er so gently with your thumb

i let myself be overwhelmed
by sentiment once more
then slowly felt my heart again go numb

as i always knew it would
as it always has before
as it always will for many years to come

- p. winter
Penelope Winter Sep 2017
You celebrated my victories with me
Until they become our victories
But now you're gone and I
Don't celebrate anymore

- p. winter
v/s
Penelope Winter May 2019
v/s
too afraid of lo_ing you

- p. winter
Penelope Winter Apr 2017
you come alive in my poetry.
for it is when I write,
and only then,
that I pour everything out
to you.
and leave myself
completely vulnerable.

- p. winter
Penelope Winter Jul 2017
My powerful heart
Lays down all defences, and
Loves you entir'ly.
found this in my drafts
Penelope Winter Mar 2022
walk on, my dear
left foot then right
for i am cursed
with lover’s blight

amid the tears
i’ll smile for you
you won’t look back
i’ll mourn for two

walk on, my dear
right foot then left
you’ll love again
i’ll die bereft

- p. winter
knowing someone wouldn’t be happy with you but selfishly wanting them to stay but having to watch them go blah blah blah emotions emotions emotions
Penelope Winter Nov 2021
And how I’ll miss
Your hand around my waist
Pulling me in
Reminding me
Some part of me is good.

- p. winter
Feeling wanted for the first time in a while is outrageously addicting
Penelope Winter Nov 2021
Each minute in his arms
Lets in another ray of sun.
I never knew that I could be so warm.

But the solstice is approaching,
The cold will soon return
And bring with it my hypothermic norm.

- p. winter
basically the same as Hold Me and it's not even that deep he's just so **** warm and it's so ****** cold outside and I haven't let anyone hold me in so long and just wow is this what it's like to let people in?
Penelope Winter Jul 2017
There is art in crimson bloodshed,
There is music in explosion,
There is poetry in battle cries,
In death, ghostly symposion.
Yet, one can't help but admit
There is venom in war's bite.
Enough to make illustrious soldiers
Cry to sleep each night.

- p. winter
I was challenged to use the word "illustrious" in a poem
Penelope Winter Nov 2017
I think my greatest weakness
Was that I never knew when to give up.

I fought to the death
I pushed too far
If I knew I was right
I made sure you knew too.

And I think your greatest weakness
Was that you gave up too easily.

You never screamed back,
Let me win when I shouldn't have,
Watched me defend arguments
You knew made no sense.

But one day,
Our roles changed.
You fought and I
Surrendered.

When we played "who can walk away first"
And I let you win.

- p. winter
Penelope Winter Mar 2022
we fade to hazy shadows
     with the darkness and the cold
we acquiesce to blindness
     without lover to behold
we lose ourselves to yearning
     with no prize for being bold
we leak into tomorrow
     with our hearts of rot and mould

- p. winter
what’s it like to live a life you enjoy
Penelope Winter Nov 2021
kiss me on the hand
erase the pain i used to know
and
take me
on adventures
never minding where we go

- p. winter
what a simp
Penelope Winter Nov 2017
I wrote him a poem
And kept it well hid
Til' the day that I thought
He should hear what I'd writ'.
So I sat by his side,
And watched his eyes perk
As I told him I'd let him,
Just once, read my work.
I don't think he realized
I wrote it for him
But I saw on his face
As it suddenly sank in.
He looked in my eyes,
His as wide as the moon,
And said I expected
Too much
Too soon.
He got up to leave,
Threw my book to the ground,
I begged and I pleaded
But he heard no sound.
He turned on his heel
As I drowned in regret.
Guess that's what the vulnerable
Poets get.

- p. winter
Penelope Winter Nov 2021
we kiss yesterday goodbye
but love’s what i’ll remember
even now you’re gone

think of me tomorrow
as you travel on

- p. winter
This is fully just a subtle rewrite of the song What I Did For Love from A Chorus Line. Good song. Hits hard. Even harder when it’s lowkey relatable.
Penelope Winter Oct 2017
I will still picture the lonely canoe
Gliding through the ghostly fog,
The amber leaves falling leisurely,
Rippling the lake's surface.
I will still feel my chilled lungs
Breathing in the crisp air,
Each breath running through my veins
Like the frost clinging to the windows.
I will still hear my father's voice
Reading forest fables,
His intonation lulling me to sleep
As it has for many years.
I will still taste the charred air
Of glowing embers by the lakeside,
As family gathers with maple spears
To continue the old man's tradition.
I will still smell the gasoline
Keeping my four-wheeler humming,
Granting me that annual sense of momentary freedom,
My helmet displayed as proudly as a crown.
These memories I keep stored
With old flannel sheets and hiking boots.
For these memories of autumn
I always will
Be thankful.

- p. winter
Penelope Winter Apr 2022
The sun was not attracted
To the darkness in her eyes,
So she brightened them with shooting stars
And twinkling fireflies,
But each morning she would fade away
As he began to rise,
So she made the moon to hold
The mere reflection of his light amid her skies.

- p. winter
man **** these meds why do I have to choose between a peaceful brain and a peaceful sleep
Penelope Winter Nov 2021
I treat myself to memories.
Of hands dancing along my back,
Gently as summer wildflowers.

But my body still can feel
The frost of another’s touch
In places I wish knew only warmth.

Wildflowers become icicles.
No spring can melt what has been
Frozen into my skin.

- p. winter
Penelope Winter Jun 2018
My head once rested on your shoulder.
Your skin once brushed 'gainst mine.
Our eyes once smiled,
But love, once wild,
Will always tame with time.

- p. winter
Penelope Winter Nov 2021
I never cared for
Wine until you kissed me with
Its taste on your lips.

- p. winter
I hate when haiku phrases don’t align with the lines but I’m making an exception for this one
Penelope Winter Jun 2018
And I can't help but
Wonder if he thinks of me,
Or chose to forget.

- p. winter
Penelope Winter Nov 2020
I wish for my work
To bring a smile - and smiling
To not be such work.

- p. winter
Penelope Winter Jun 2017
Each move intrepid.
So much could be lost, but oh
How much could be won...

- p. winter
Penelope Winter Feb 2018
For now it’s torture
But one day I’ll get to say
You were worth the wait

- p. winter
Penelope Winter Jul 2019
Perhaps the most
Difficult challenge
I've had to face
Is trying to believe
I could ever be
Remotely worthy
Of your love.

- p. winter
Penelope Winter Aug 2017
I could write of woe and worry,
I could dance of daffodils,
I could sing of happy happenings,
Or dream through inkēd quill,
Somehow I find myself quite stuck,
Though I have many tales to tell,
So I'll just write of writer's block
And hope it comes out well...

- p. winter
Penelope Winter Nov 2021
i lie within a patch of sun on my bed,
the sound of a guitar in the air around me,
and gaze across the street
while children laugh and dance at school

i am alone
but you are here

in the sunshine by my window
in the music that i play
in the laughter and the dancing
in the pavement ‘cross the way


i stroll through familiar streets
the cold biting at my ears and fingertips
i keep my eyes down and do not look at the trees
but i feel it in my heart when i pass the very one

i walk alone
but you are here

my hands cannot be cold
when they are rested in your own
the tree blooms in november
from the warmth that it was shown


i close my eyes and hope to dream
of anything but you beside me
for waking to an empty bed
would only rip my scarring heart open again

i sleep alone
but you are here

not only in the comfort
and the slowly fading light
but in the rosary i prayed for you,
and still do, every night


you are everywhere
and yet i am
alone

- p. winter
how do you turn off your feelings, asking for a friend
Penelope Winter Jun 2017
You were the calming moonlight
Through skies of moonshine and loneliness
Surrounded by the fog and the thunder
And yet seen only as an omen of hope
A kaleidoscope of memories
But now they're just engulfed
In a cloud of powdered emery
I know the words you spoke
Were not spoken accidentally
I know the way you felt for me was not coincidentally
The same way I did
So tell me why, sentimentally,
I look at our photos and cry
(Physcially and mentally).
I know the day you left
Was not just incidentally
The same day that I told you:
(Regretfully)
I love you.

And you know that I know,
You loved me too.
Unforgettably.

- p. winter
Penelope Winter Jun 2018
you think you're moving on
that i never made an impact
that you'll forget my name
as easily
as you forgot my love.
but i see it in your new doll,
you can't help
that i am etched into your conscious.
her hair and eyes the same chocolate shade as my own.
her dancing the exact mirror of mine.
she says your name and your ears hear my voice.
you think you're moving on
with someone new
but you're just moving on
with your new me.

- p. winter
Penelope Winter Jul 2017
You won't want me when you discover what my brain is capable of doing.
You won't find me beautiful when my fear takes over and I'm curled on the floor.
You won't look me in the eye when my lungs gasp for the air my mind won't let them have.
You won't kiss me when the tears fall and my hands begin to shake.
You won't love the anxious burden that I so often become.
The shrinks will say I'm fortune telling and trying to read your mind.
But I know you will slowly despise me when you see what my thoughts can do.
I know this for a fact because I despise myself for having panic attacks too.

- p. winter
I hate myself for it. I find it difficult to see how anyone couldn't.

— The End —