I can feel it, my heart turning blue.
Inspiration comes and the words flow.
Not without tears, not without pain.
I see it taking shape, on the blank paper, in front of me.
What I feel exactly, turning into words.
It is beautiful, it is horrible,
These words mirror my heart.
I have to get it, before it escapes.
I must ****** it from the æther
Before it's gone forever
And does the poem come out,
I bear it, a painful birth for both it and me
And so it comes out
Through my eyes with tears.

Of course I want to see you again,
That's the one thing I want the most.
Even though you recoiled from me, and left me lost.

Them butterflies in my stomach will torture me while I'm thinking on you appearing,
And won't go away even after you're gone.
They'll end up filling me whole.
Then overflow.

I think I can handle them butterflies,
But what I still can't do, is dealing with the thought of you.

When I'm with you you're my whole focus of attention.
My universe spins around you, you're all of creation.

Last time you were there, I was there, but I was not with you.
I was high, then ******, I was gone.
I was struggling to think, to breathe, to take the world in.
And wasted a precious chance, to know you in my trance.

Today I can't get you out of my thoughts, and I'm not sure if I want you out at all.

Black coffee and cigarette, are my breakfast for the day;
they hurt my throat, clear my mind, ease my thought.
But you're still here, always present, haunting me.

My ashes rain up, my smoke dissipates,
night comes, then day breaks;
and the moon is come and gone,
she waxes, then she wanes; and you're still here, for how long?

I'm in pain, in shame, I'm hurt.
I've lost my bet, I never affected you, nor caught your thought.

My mind shall again be mine, but for now it is with you, on the other side.

Your waters are dark and treacherous.
Your waters are deep and lethal.

They seem calm yet are not.
They seem comforting yet are not.

And I dived carelessly, into your abyss.
And I plunged, into my damnation.

Seeking freshness, comfort and loving.
Seeking desire, passion and longing.

And in your murky, bitter waters
I drowned a million times.
I was spun, I was desecrated.
I was murdered, I was obliterated.
And I couldn't see a thing,
I couldn't learn a thing.

Yet my purpose was due,
I emerged anew.
Exhausted, devastated.
Utterly spent and violated.
Deceived, betrayed.
Ridiculed, humiliated.
But anew, and all alone.

My approach to you destroyed me,
and I made myself again.