Trusting you was like being stabbed in the back
And the eye
And my foot.
I'm not dead yet
But when I see you
I might as well be.
Because I can not say anything
That I will not regret saying to you
You will repeat everything
I try to walk away
But you need help
And I have to help
But helping you is hurting me
And I do not like being hurt.

Grey skies stretch
across the horizon
with no spot of blue.

Here I am left here
on this barren island
& all I can think of is you.

I can smell you in the gale,
you were a tempest,
a force of nature
& I miss you
watching the rain.

candles of fire and flare
balloons float high in the air
their way of showing me
they finally care

the end of the rainbow
my soul now knows
the end is like the ballon
I've seen where it goes

doves fly peacefully
protectively on my side
I lay asleep
Eyes wide

I dance and giggle
as people cry and wiggle
life was complicated
death was simple

violas laid on my grave
tombstone reads:
no longer a sinner
no longer satan's slave

And people wonder why I struggle to sleep
My answer
I forgot how to count sheep
After the night you sliced up my dreams and threw me into relentless nightmares.

she told me
I broke her heart
but she
had mine
in her hands
and she
was holding it
so tightly
and she
was stopping it
from beating
and she
was killing me;
what was I
supposed to do?

Who needs sleep,
when crazy thoughts
cozy up to me?

loss, grief, pain,
shame, and guilt
are warm faithful bedfellows