You said
I had a drug problem
When really
I was addicted to you

Your kiss would bring the
Rush to my head and the
Dizziness down to my toes

But you never saw that
You couldn't understand
What its like to be addicted
And leaving me was
Hard for you, but not enough
To be happy in someone else's
Arms

I hope her kiss is addictive
And she brings that rush
To you;
Because I never could

And my addiction is still
Begging for your touch
Late at night
When I'm higher than
The stars in the night skies
That remind me of your eyes

The line in front of me
Is just a diversion to
Distract my mind of you.
My Addiction

It started with a spark,
One touch and instant
Butterflies;

Then the spark morphed
Into flame;
And the world became bright
And Hot
as tension grew,

But the flame burned on
Our hearts,
And soon there was nothing
But ashes;

"So you like boys AND girls?!!"

"You must get laid all the time!"

"Which do you like more??"

"So.. What are you any way?"*

Questions.
Stupid questions repeatedly asked because
My sexuality is deemed important to others whom consider themselves curious.
Because since I know that love is equal and
Can be given to any gender or no gender at all,
But all people talk of is

Labels

I have been confused as bisexual, lesbian, and straight. I have been called a deviant,
A *****,
A disgrace;
All because I chose love over labels,
I chose happiness.

I don't really want your kiss on my neck,
I don't want your whisper singing your song into my ear,
Squeezing, Pulling me into a bed
To feel that physical release into
the sheets

Another boy, Another night,
Laying in the dark next to another stranger's ugly song,
Any thing to fill the void without my
Autumn Rain;

And when his ugly song sings into me,
I feel nothing but the nostalgia
Of the same song sang by someone else;

My Autumn Rain that would refresh my
Soul in quiet tenderness;
Her kiss would lighten my heart and the song of fall would play in our ears;
But she stopped singing,
And stopped caring;
Then I was left alone in silence..

Now every night I let strangers sing in my ear,
"Get into bed," that deafening rhythm playing on repeat;
Hoping one of their songs will sound like
Hers,
My Autumn Rain;

The glitter is pulling the heavens to the
Earth;
Euphoric white all around,
The snow makes the winter seem beautiful;

Surrounded by death, winter is the time for
Rest,
Sleeping in a grave
Until spring comes to resurrect life;

The snow brings us beauty when
Our world is covered in death,
The light flutters around us in a
White bliss covering the Earth;
And reminds us of happier days

I told you this would happen;
I would hurt you and you would be empty,
I warned you I was a **** up,
But you thought you could fill me whole again;

So the first time I pushed you, and
Took my problems out on You,
You bandaged your wounds
and smiled like it didn't hurt;
     The second time was different.
You yelled and hit and pushed and cried
back at my knife
Digging into your heart.

And with every screaming fight and boxing match would cut
A new hole into your heart,
Letting it bleed out all emotions. To become unattached
Like I already was;


And when you were finally through;
When everything I was to you became worthless,
I could feel your frigid insides;
As numb drifted through your veins,
And every part of you became empty as you drifted away;

By the time you had the courage to leave me,
A new scar had formed over your wounds
That will never fully heal;
And your broken heart will just be
a reminder,
That you can never love some one that
Cannot feel;

I told you this would happen;
I warned you never to get close,
Because now you'll be like me;
Empty

It started.
The depression, The "I don't want to talk. Let me sleep" feeling.
Losing me slowly, going down a spiral leisurely. Falling away from Family, Friends, Lovers; Letting the dark overcome me and begin to simmer.

At night it really is worse,
Laying in bed, stuck inside my own head,
Just repeating to Cut, Cut, Cut, Cut your skin;
Cut it and let your inside pain seep out.
So I do.
I let the dark drip from the inside out
And as the blood seeps from my Wrists, my Thighs, my Hips,
          I Feel A Relief.
It washes over me in scarlet red, As I sit there in my own darkness,
As I sit there reminding myself that this is right;
My pain feels right because in my head I am a Disappointment,
I am a Failure, a Liar, a *****, A Fake. I have
sinned and the only way to live with what I have done is to destroy myself from the inside out.

     And when my pain is no longer relieved from the tip of a knife, I find alternatives.
   It starts with a cigarette; Three a day, Don't want to become addicted.
But as time goes, they become my friend; Always there, Always bright to see me and happy to flow through my lungs. Pretty soon I go for more. And more. And more;
Until they become as dull as my blade Leaving me to fend against myself.

****; ******; Ecstasy; Adderall. Whatever I could Take or Smoke or Inject,
To drown out my thoughts;
Disappointment. Failure. Liar. *****. Fake.
The drugs give a numbing effect. No pain, but no happiness.

I do not want to die. I do not wish to not exist.
Yet I do not want to be Saved either. No Princess-In-Shining-Armor; there is no returning from this spiral, a one-way down hill trip.
       I feel myself fall faster and faster while
Struggling for breath as I close into myself;

So be careful not to let the others see. Don't let them see the real you.
Who would choose to be around a Disappointment, a Failure, a Liar, a *****, a Fake?