and here i am again
at the intersection
of pedestrian language
& old wives tales
swallowing gum
like 7 year memories
opening umbrellas inside
cause i can't seem get away
from all of this rain
i ******* with my left hand
cause i was told
back in highschool that
"it feels like someone else is doing it"
it gets me wondering
about the difference between
losing you and finding out
that some one else found you
or my sleep
or lack thereof
its starting to tear me apart
i keep having this dream
where you are in
an unfamiliar body of water
trying to wash my poetry
off of your hands
or the one where
something happens in my chest
every time you sit
on someone else's bed
i'm tired of feeling like something you've misplaced
but don't have the heart
to look for anymore
tired of you saying my name
like you're trying to bury it
i'm tired of wondering
if you can tell the difference
between the absence
of my voice & silence
the other day
i almost started sobbing
at work when a woman
asked me about
our equipment
i was explaining how
things come apart
and almost mentioned your name
it made me think
of how you used to say
things like "what would you do
if i showed up on your doorstep
one day?" now, i haunt
the windows in my house
i don't leave for weeks at a time
i sit on the porch like the dog
you didn't shoot behind the shed
the one that refuses to die
until you come home again
i told somebody once, that
you didn't even know
what my voicemail sounded like
i wonder if they thought
it was because you
are so important that i never
let it ring that many times
before picking up
or if you dont know
what it sounds like
because you've never called
you can't be the ****** weapon
and the search party
i'm tired of all the seats
to the ferris wheel in my chest
being empty
tired of your voice
being the one i look for
in abandoned places
that one sound i beg
to bounce back
down vacant hallways
i just seem to stand there
in all of that quiet
like someone looking for a mistake
on an eviction notice
so i guess the hardest part
isn't letting go
it's forgetting
you ever had a grip
in the first place
and since you've been gone
i wonder if when
you pushed yourself away from me
you used your left hand
so it felt like someone else did it

This is a story “For Those Who Have Heart” (A Day To Remember)
For “The Young And The Hopeless” (Good Charlotte)
This story will “Free Your Mind” (Anarbor)
It all began in a “Room On The 3rd Floor” (Mcfly)
We had “All That We Needed” (Plain White T’s)
And yet we were “Guaranteed To Disagree” (We Are The In Crowd)
“Oh No” (Ok Go)
It’s “Nothing Personal” (All Time Low)
But one of us was “Homesick” (A Day To Remember)
And the other had “Night Visions” (Imagine Dragons)
“Chasing Ghosts” (The Amity Affliction)
Til we “Collide With The Sky” (Pierce The Veil)
In a burst of “Red” (Taylor Swift)
You’ll always be “My Forever” (He Is We)
This is a story of “What Separates Me From You” (A Day To Remember)
And it’s going “Straight To DVD” (All Time Low)

once when i was seventeen i tried to buy cigarettes from the stop-n-save in the middle of the night
because the boy i loved
didn't love me any more
i wanted my mouth to taste like his, toxic, intoxicating
i wanted the stars to cloud out in the curls of smoke
the man behind the counter asked for my ID and i gave it to him and he said
sorry, sweetheart, i can't sell you those
and i said please my birthday is in a week
he looked at me like he knew how it felt and i said
please i'm dying for a smoke
he handed me back my license and said,
i'm sorry
and he really was.

He walked outside and placed it between his lips,
As every drop of rain trickled down, so did a tear.
He wore nothing but a t-shirt, as white as the sky,
He wore nothing but sadness, as he lit.
As he pressed his lips together and took a drag-
His lungs sizzled- his tears- sizzled.
All what was left... a dried up person, lost between drought and hydration.