waffle

waffle Nov 2018

Untitled

every time i get attached,
i drown to the feeling.
and even if i know how it’s
going to end because
it ends the same way
every ******* time.

i still managed to bet.

and i know how i’m
going to feel because
i feel the same ****** way,
every ******* time.

but i still want it.

knowing what would be the
outcome,
consequences,
pain,
and the problems.
i still look at you and want it.

#attachment

waffle Oct 2018

im tired of being a girl

im tired of being what the
society wants me to be
im tired of the endless reasons
a girl should be like this and that
im tired of being judged
for what i wear, for what i do not wear
im tired of adjusting to be accepted for who i am

for a time, i want to be
what i want myself to be
**** the society and the misogyny
the inequality and patriarchy
**** all the people who are dictating
for what a girl should be and should not be
im so tired of having to fit in

im still a girl
a woman
vulnerable
no different
despite all the things i want to be

I’m now realizing the things that won’t stop me for being who I am, and who i want to be.

#tired #girl #woman #proud

waffle Oct 2018

Untitled

tonight,
i am sad.
not new,
i mean,
being sad.
but,
being sad
for reasons.
and not just
get sad for
no reasons.

i often
let myself
just get sad
or i’m just
really sad
as a whole,
literal sadness.

but tonight
is different.
there’s like
a lot of things
that repressing
my emotions and

maybe this is
real sadness.

Sometimes I don’t know why I’m all sad about, I just feel it. And tonight, realisations hit me like a truck.

#sad

waffle Oct 2018

‪i don’t wanna live anymore‬

‪i don’t wanna live anymore‬
‪well probably because‬
‪i already saw everyone‬
‪i drew different faces on my mind everyday‬
‪they appeared in my dreams every night‬
‪they’re blurry and happy‬

‪i don’t wanna live anymore‬
‪well probably because‬
‪i already felt everything ‬
‪sometimes i imagine that i do‬
‪sometimes i just felt everything at once‬

‪i don’t wanna live anymore‬
‪well probably because‬
‪my whole existence has been something‬
‪i never really wanted‬
‪and i’m just obliged to live this life‬

‪i don’t wanna live anymore‬
‪well probably because‬
‪i could already picture my future‬
‪i’ll be dead and that’s the end.‬

I think of this every night and every day. Anyhow, death still scares me.

#death

waffle Oct 2018

every time

every time he puffs his cigarette
it always got me thinking
about how could he love
the smoke leaving his body
or maybe savoring its aftertaste

every time he puffs his cigarette
it makes me feel sick to think of
the smoke goes in of my body, and not his,
receiving its after-effect

every time he puffs his cigarette
i’ve always think of, that it’s his escape
like me, i’m stuck in between and
he is stuck on his suicidal state of mind
that no one could ever understand

I felt like, this is a mindset, too. Sometimes, we should stop assuming on why people do such things, whether it’s bad or good, we’ll never know what’s behind it. What if it's the other way around?

p.s. I am in no way romanticising it

#cigarette #coping #escape

waffle Oct 2018

Untitled

no one deserves to know
what’s going on inside your mind.
not every post deserves
a ******* caption.
not everyone deserves
a good love story,
a happy ending,
happiness.

sometimes you just let things
simple and cool.
not deep and special.
you gotta let people decipher you,
let them ******* think.

Knowing yourself, self-love and worth is a must! Please do not invalidate your feeling just for the sake of other's happiness. Don't forget to prioritize yourself.

#selflove #selfworth #decipher

waffle Oct 2018

lost

she asked me,
“why do people think of suicide?
or why do they think it’s their only option?”
i could not compose myself,
i could not construct any words to answer.

mostly, i could not be mad.
maybe, i envy her.
i lost my innocence way too young,
that drives me to do things
she was asking me.

I've always envy her. Sometimes, I couldn't think of things she could be sad about. I've always think she has the perfect life out of all of us. But I also couldn't say that she's being insensitive or inconsiderate. Anyhow, someday I wish that she'd know things about this manner, and just clearly be open-minded about it. Mental health is important

#suicide #depression #innocence #envy