waffle

waffle Oct 2018

lost

she asked me,
“why do people think of suicide?
or why do they think it’s their only option?”
i could not compose myself,
i could not construct any words to answer.

mostly, i could not be mad.
maybe, i envy her.
i lost my innocence way too young,
that drives me to do things
she was asking me.

I've always envy her. Sometimes, I couldn't think of things she could be sad about. I've always think she has the perfect life out of all of us. But I also couldn't say that she's being insensitive or inconsiderate. Anyhow, someday I wish that she'd know things about this manner, and just clearly be open-minded about it. Mental health is important

#suicide #depression #innocence #envy

waffle Oct 2018

Untitled

half-bleed poems,
drained out tears.
not too much to
produce ink.

stained heart,
too damaged to
feel anything.
pale hands,
weak to even
hold a thing.

soggy eyes,
to even see something.
mouth shut,
can’t even tell a thing.

i’m too broke,
but i’m trying to hold
myself out of everything.
you see, it’s always the
other way around.
just like what everyone
would probably say.

you were never there,
you never care.
i was dying inside,
and you don’t even
know a thing.

random thoughts

#random

waffle Oct 2018

when i love

when i love,
i worship.
you’ll feel like a god.
i’ll praise you forever.

when i love,
i give up.
i sacrifice.
after all, if it means
everything for you.

when i love,
i cry.
every night,
worrying if i was ever enough.
or if it’s real love or
just mere loneliness.

when i love,
i don’t think of anything anymore.
i’ll give my all,
every love in my body that i have.

sadly,
the fear of falling apart
guards my heart now,
and it’ll be here, for a while.

the sad truth about how i sometimes let my self get hurt

#loving #sacrificing #fear

waffle Oct 2018

to all the boys that lit up my world

for a time you were all in my life,
i thought of you all as stars
who will light up the darkness out of me.

but you all just seem to make
a constellation out of my life.
and just like stars,
who leave the sky when it’s already bright.

i hate the feeling

#boys #stars #constellation

waffle Oct 2018

half-meant

when i say,
i want to die
it doesn’t mean
that i want to
end my existence.

what i mean is,
i want all this
repressed feelings,
toxicity,
loneliness,
and other things that
makes me struggle
to be happy again
to end.

maybe i just want to
live like before.
maybe i want to
feel alive again.

I feel like thinking this way is like infatuation, that sometime we're too pre-occupied of sadness and that we wish for things that we don't really want. It's the opposite of it that we want, and realizing it by now is just so sad.

#die #alive #stop

— The End —