i'm dying on the inside.
the ghost that follows can't seem
to neglect even a single step.
the ground i've built for myself
isn't strong enough,
i'm beginning to fall.
my demons are sewn to my shoulder,
constantly whispering (give up)
the thought flurries
throughout my head.
the future is bleak, dark like my past.
i don't know,

            I JUST DON'T KNOW!

this cannot be living,
i'm already dead to myself.
i ran out of the last little  
bit of hope i had invested...
that light went out a long time ago.

i chose to be inebriated by you
and no antidote can recover me anymore,
so i lay here prone,
overthinking about you.
your words, they penetrated me.
internally and externally, so smile
with happiness so the purpose
of your words can exist on me.
as i close my eyes to go to lay dormant
i can mentally see images of you
as if they are embedded
to the interior of my eyelids.
promise me you will stay.

ive come to terms with the fact
that a brilliant boy
can hide behind a nearly lifeless body
determined by white powdered bars
and a beautiful girl
can cloak her sadness
in an exhale of smoke and a few tabs

i do believe
it's hard to hide
when a black cloud
hangs over
his shiny blue eyes

and i do believe
she hears me
from underneath those cries
get out of there sweetheart,
it's like you're sun-bathing
inside a burning building

don't stop to smell the flowers
they're already dead

i'm a dizzy dreamer
with lightning bug eyes
floating around in dense air, bringing
foggy glasses and dewy lips
you tell me to pick my poison--
so my eyes fall onto where my heart is set
the corner of the room, a vile of red and pink
cyanide filled to the brim
laced with an exceptional dose of formaldehyde
I wonder if you tell her to pick
I wonder what she chooses
will it be the knife
does she take your gun
or will she drink your sins mixed into ***
you dug me a grave then pushed me in  
then wandered off with the shovel in hand
it doesn't matter how far I melt into the ground anymore

it's the kind of darkness that not even the brightest star in the universe could illuminate.
it starts in my heart then proceeds to consume my mind until eventually i am a walking and talking mass of gray and black.
does the color of your soul mimic the piercing blue of your eyes?
i never wanted things to be this way.
you're a thousand miles away riding buses to places unknown
while i'm writing sad poems of how much i miss you
and sitting on this bench that once sat us both
with teary eyes
holding on to every ounce of hope
that this was all only a nightmare.
and my deliberations are like clockwork..

this isn't real
this isn't real
*this isn't real

the floor underneath me is shaking and
the walls surrounding me are crashing down.
my mind is madness like the chaos of a burning fire.
the fury is rising
hatred
loathing
disgust

and in that instant, you were gone
like a puff of milk white smoke
crashing against a wall of wind
i can smoke until my lungs turn grey
i still won't be able to smoke you away
but just when i get used to the thought
that you are going to stay
just like a puff of milk white smoke
whistling through my teeth.

i knew you wouldn't stay for long
and in that instant, you were gone

i've been alive seventeen years
and I am just now scratching the surface
of living.

nothing's the same without you
a grey cloud follows me everywhere
since you've been gone
where did you go?
"The neighbors said
she moved away.
funny how it rained all day."
Without you here
everything is wrong
the world has been ******
and we just need you back
"I'm not coming back
I've done something so terrible
I'm terrified to speak"
You're free now
an angel
free of the torture of our world
"now the rain is washing you out of my head
and out of my mind"
it was your time.
you left because you had to
"I guess I'll go home now."