What should I do with this one life of mine?*

Should I join a worthy cause?
Should I help those in need?
Should I rob a liquor store?
Should I become a drug addict, then recover from my addiction and *"FIND THE LORD"?
Should I pretend to be something I'm not?
Should I be gay?
Should I be a crossdresser?
Should I **** someone and bury the body where no one will ever find it?
Should I start a family?
Should I be a good father, or a bad one?
Should I live in the city or in the mountains?

Should I believe in god or be atheist?

Should I fall in love?

Should I love or hate my fellow humans?

I just can't decide tonite....
What to do....what to do....

Glance and advance
See that the world
desperately needs people like you

Bold
Dedicated
Committed to making an impact

To leaving this planet better than you found it

Go now

Godspeed & good luck

It's moments like these

moments of exhaustion
moments of sullen solitude
moments of wondering what the point of moving forward is...

When I don't have the energy or motivation
Moments that I can't be strong

that I have you
I have this outlet

you be strong for me when I cannot
I will do the same for you one day

Namaste

Let the amount of "No"s you receive in life
be greater than all the grains of sand in existence

Reason?

They will, ultimately, be
the source of your inner strength and character

There is nothing more empowering in the universe
than rejection

It brings you so much closer to the truth
than you might think

My beloved
awaits for my return
on
the other side of
this plane

I cannot return to her
Not yet

my mission here is not complete

And so...the road continues....

Endlessly.....

If tonight was the last nite that I were to have
The one regret that at my heart would start to stab

Would be the burning and yearning to make slow love to you
To have you and to hold you until the day started anew

I swear I'd be gentle as...

Hideous...
Ugly...
Aberrant...
Unsightly...
Distant...
Cretinous.­..
Unworthy...

My god...he whispers to himself as
He shuts his eyes in disbelief

I relish in the open, welcoming arms that greet me
upon my returns from inside the void

It feels good to be missed, in other words.

The knowing that getting what you give, replenishes Ochito's blistered spirit

Troublesome are the times, when have they not been?
However, this safety net is Ocho’s comfort
To know that the welcoming arms that brandish
the tenderest fruit available: Love, will be there for you at
the end of the day, no matter what

There’s no comparing.
Its no contest.  
The greatest treasure in all of the
land, is truly, friends and family

I hadn't planned on writing this
I also didn't plan on sitting here by my lonesome either
I would've much rather spent it in the arms of lover
curled up watching netflix
dreaming
laughing

But no
here I am instead

with you

Green, green the flow goes quite deep
like water from mountains
that flow unto creeks

It surrounds and astounds
it scratches and claws
it burrows and burrows
inside narrow halls

The halls of my mind
are oozing and rich
with handsome amounts
of wisdom to teach

These copious words
that continually flow
shall continue to gush
until I am no more

Gush, my loves, gush
until I am no more

My intention is not to sound morbid....

I hope my death is a quick and sudden one

I hope my parting inspires people to get together

I hope absence is felt...

because at this moment.....

I feel unimportant, meaningless,
and devoid of companionship

GOD
*******
******

why can't I just be ok again

I much prefer the sounds of piano concertos to that of nature
Rain, waterfalls, things like that
The whizzing and gyrating motion of notes
pushing silence out of the way is more my style

It always has been

My meticulous way of dealing with the world

It my way of pretending to have control

This ride, as real as it may seem, is exquisitely exhausting

So exhausting

She has a gaze that feels like a gentle mist
Drizzles on my face & lips

Her touch is gentle

Her heart is a jigsaw puzzle piece
that fits right in my chest

There’s a quote that I read not to long ago, that really made me reconsider a lot
As a matter of fact, it made me reconsider everything
And I mean; EVERYTHING

That quote was,
”the purpose of existence is to have no fear.”

Hmmm...So...
Let me see if I got this right...
The whole point to ALL THIS...is to dive right in?
Without fear?

What the **** am I waiting for then?!
What the **** are YOU waiting for?!

”the purpose of existence is to have no fear.”
Get moving!
Go!
RUN!

Only you know what you need to be doing right now
Right at this moment
Do it! Do it today! Do it with all your heart!
GO!

”the purpose of existence is to have no fear.”
Do you know how short a life we get on this planet?
If the whole point of us being here is to, transcend the emotion of fear...
then that would make everything that makes us afraid and fear itself; *******

Wouldn't it?

Nothing more that smoke and mirrors

”the purpose of existence is to have no fear.”
If this is the true meaning of it all, the way everything was designed....
Then...
Go get em
Go
Hit the ground running
Let there be no shame in your game.
What ever you need to do, do it today

If life could come with rules or guidelines, I would
respectfully request that we all came with that rule engrained in our minds.

”the purpose of existence is to have no fear.”

122
I need not
To put others down
I love freely

104
Greet everyone
With a welcoming heart
Be not selfish

108*
I gaze freely
Smiling, recognizing
The you in me

How many do you have?

Hmmmm?

Surely you have some idea
Is it a lot? I bet it is.

I would wager they are the grains of sand on a volcanic beach somewhere
They are the luminescent suns that guide our night skies

Eternal, unending, countless, unexpected, like spring showers.
Forever, on and on they are, like a sea of solar systems in the vast ocean that is our galaxy

Count them
the blessings in your life
Go ahead
Do it now

Use your fingers and toes if you have to
What else is there to do with all of eternity?

Every once in a while
The gods will have pity
and grant you a single opportunity

One chance for redemption

Don't squander it
It may not come again for some time

If you happen to be
one of these fortunate souls

I salute you
and beg you...
Grab it
and never let go

Wyatt Earp felt the cold sweat
As fear creeped and sneaked up his spine

His fate was sealed, for certain
The grim reaper knew
that he was next in line

As the minutes went on
And the scalpings continued
Oh lord....Earp cried out in concern

Just then a Sioux brave
chopped his head from his body
And threw his carcass in the flames
and watched it burn

Breath = Heavy

Life = Uphill

Boulder = Atlas

Grunting = Gravity

Exhaustion = Surrender

*Freedom

Five forlorn fugitives...
take tender and subtle sips of tea...

together they camp, this lone night
stars their only source of luminescence

Forgiveness for their crimes...
are what germinates their brains...

Pray and pray they will....

What ever it is you want in life
Be clear about what it is, then go get it

Go

Go now

Everyday you wait, ponder, stall, postpone
Is a gargantuan insult to those who were not fortunate to receive
the gift of today, like you did

You still have time

Go

If you truly want it bad enough,

you will find a way

If you don't,

then you'll make an excuse

First, spring arrives
its leaves and grasses
meet fingers and toes with much glee and
anticipation

Then summer makes its appearance
who can ignore its boisterous
and sweltering presence?

Fall sneaks in
and subtly makes itself
right at home while we dance and sing

Then winter comes down on us
like a sledgehammer

How many times have these four come and gone?
How many will I see?

*The four continue forever into eternity...

A little piece
Of me
Dies

Every time I sit
Here and make poetry

On my itouch

Whilst I watch
Families play with their
Children

Right in front of me

The minutes
They keep flying, breezing past you
Leaving only a gentle rocking of leaves.

Whoooosh!

Do you even notice?
I’m not saying to keep count.
No.
I’m saying, Be aware.
They aren’t coming back.
They vanish as spring flowers do.
Way too many have raced past Ochito, way too many

But not anymore

He puts them in his pocket now and savors them like the tasty snack they are
The mighty ambrosia cannot compare and his palette is that much sweeter these days

Tell me that you love me

Adore me

Take my weathered
tattered remains

As they are

or not

And suddenly it became very apparent to him

Very, VERY APPARENT

He wasn't to make it here

Not if things continued the way they were going

Rather

The way they've always been...

One of these days, he was going to finally hurt himself

Mortally

The thing was he couldn't bring himself to do it
with some kind of self-inflicted wound

Too painful

so he would more than likely fill his pockets with
heavy rocks and jump into the ocean

He couldn't swim after all

All because his prayers for HELP
fell on deaf ears

The creator made him exactly the way he was
so be could ultimately take his own life

He sat by the edge of the water...
watching the seagulls

and just listened...

The brevity of this life of yours is so fleeting

That the breeze which pierces through branches

seems like snail in comparison

So, so quickly it goes...

No
Not this time

No no no
Not again

I'm not going to lose my cool and transform into an abominable ghoul
and yell at someone I respect for no apparent reason

No

I'm not going to repeatedly punch a wall until I have be rushed to
the emergency room because my hand has swelled up to the size of a baseball mitt

No
**** that

I'm not going to fantasize what it would be like to
put the barrel of a gun in my mouth and pull the trigger

No

No no no

This time

I'm going to look at my fiendish emotional wave
right in the eye

and put it exactly where it belongs

Behind me

Get a ******* grip already

Xavier kinear had a very long beard
That hung right down to his feet

His neighbors point and children giggle
when crows would build nests underneath

But alas poor kinear
One day gave a scare
To a woman who was mentally ill

She pulled out a mallet
And swung it with malice
Which gave kinear and his crows quite a thrill

I am oozing with seething resentment and vitriol tonight
This raging beast comes
courtesy of alcohol and years of unrequited affection

I **** and seethe as I sit here typing this out
one stylus stroke at a time

All I wanted tonight was some affection

I deserve it
I truly do

instead the universe gives me nothing

I sit here
thoughts of hurting myself and others flood my mind

I am the opposite of strong
resentment overtakes what used to be merryment and cheer

I am human and god tonight

That distinct smell of my sanity sizzling
Sadly I know it all to well

What I wouldn't give to
have a hand to hold as I watch the sunset this evening
The sacrifices I wouldn't make to have a pair
of eyes to greet my own as I awoke every morning
If only my journey here were not such a solitary
one filled with dismay, solitude & misery

Only darkness is there for me
together we welcome the road ahead

Day after day
Month after month
Year after year

.....She came for me, at the last possible moment

Seconds before I was to be swallowed into the dark place which
none have returned from...

She held her hand out to me, smiling as she pulled me out...

Her timing, impeccable.
My gratitude, immeasurable.

I dust myself off, gently grasp her hand, and together we continue onward towards the light

Tonight...

I'll stare out my

window

in hopes
that I may catch a glimpse

of
her...

You know...

Sometimes you just have to be alone
There's just no other way

Sometimes there are certain lessons that can only
be fully absorbed in the sterile environment of solitude

Sometimes...
Only sometimes...

Sometimes you have to be just a little bit stronger
than usual because sometimes the **** will get worse way before it gets better
Guaranteed
Sometimes life will be painful, bitter, and fowl-tasting
And it will hit you so hard, with such force that
you can almost feel your soul leaking from that invisible wound in your heart

Sometimes...
Just sometimes...

Someone once told Ocho that romantic relationships
are a mirror of the amount of love we have for ourselves

Sometimes...
Some times
feel like an eternity

Binding & blinding
the demons squeeze harder and harder
until
all that is left
is....

There is a certain bridge that has been
out of service for quite some time now

Its been this way as long as Ochito could remember
Even before he was “Ocho”

It would appear that this structure has a
temperament of its own and it, sadly, wants to be stay broken, out of service

This choice bewilders Ocho almost to the point of tears
Why, he asks as he slams his enraged fist on the disintegrating table that is his patience

Why?
Why?
Of all the relationships, why did it have to be this one?

Perhaps it was written
Perhaps

So distant

Even further than the furthest galaxy

it is

Is the feeling of your warm hand

caressing my hair