I am his little puppet
He calls, I run
He hits, I break
He touches, I cringe and endure
He controls me

He controls my spirit
He controls my mind

I try to untie the strings
And be a real person
But each time I slip one off
He is right back to tie it on tighter.

The puppet master
He beckons for me
He wants to see me dance
I dance for him
With silent tears
rolling down my cheeks.

I try so hard to not let him win
But then the letter or call comes
And I am right back there again
Under his control.

Feeling lost and hurting
Wanting all the pain to leave.

My head hurts
My heart is broken
I am a mess.

I cannot function like this anymore
I am done

He has ruined my day....again.

Happy Birthday to me
He's back.

Let's reflect today
This "Father's Day"
What have I learned from him:

I learned that I am worthless
Only good for his pleasure.

I learned that people you love
Will hurt and use you.

I learned that women
Are *** toys to be abused.

I learned to keep my mouth shut and not cry
If was only worse if you cried.

I learned how to lie there and pretend
So he could get his pleasure.

I learned that I am broken
Broken by his fists and words.

I learned that I will never be good enough
For his love and respect.

I learned that I am to be seen and not heard
Unless you want to be beaten senseless.

I learned that nobody should be trusted
Everybody lies and uses.

These are the lessons I have learned from "Daddy"
Lessons I don't wish for any little girl to have to learn.

Happy Father's Day to the worst father alive.
May you rot in hell someday!

Laying outside.
Got a shiny new blade in hand.
I love the way the sun shimmers off it.
A new blade...needs to be used.

I am actually feeling good.
But still have the urge.
The  urge  to cut.
To feel that  slice  into skin.

I am  addicted  to cutting.
I feel a rush knowing what is coming.
The quickness of the  blade.
The slight pull of the skin.
Then the  red  bubbles of  blood.
That led into a path of  red  running
Down my arm.

Initiating the new  blade.
Cutting tonight.
Not to dull a pain.
But out of a  desire  to feel it.

In a few hours I will be facing the monster.
The one who took my innocence,
My childhood, my soul.
I need to take back control
I pray for strength.
He needs to pay for the hurt
The hurt then and now.
My lack of being able to function normally....his doing.
I need to stand tall
Be firm...make him suffer
Like he made me.

I can do this
The time has come
Today you pay!

I am headed for a fight
Tired of running
He is always gonna win
Unless I take a stand
It is time
Only one of us
Will walk away.

My heart is longing
Longing for something
Or someone
To fill this void in my life.

Someone who will love
All of me
Including the bad and ugly parts.

Someone who will take the time
To learn my secrets
What haunts me at night
Who will not run away when it gets tough.

Someone who will help me
Fight the demons inside
Who will stand next to me
And hold my hand.

My heart is longing
Longing for something
Or someone
To fill this void in my life.

I am here
Where are you??