Looking back over the last twelve years
Wondering why I am still here
Unsuccessive at living or ending my life

Have there been good times?
I suppose that depends
On your definition of good

Its an anniversary
Reminders of the pain and grief
That I both endured and gave

Looking back
I am more than that
I survived - I have overcome

I stand here knocking
On Death's door
I am asking to come in
Life is too overwhelming
I am ready to move on
Maybe the next life
Will treat me kinder
As this life has been hard
So I stand here knocking
On Death's door.

I am so tired..ready to just give up
Basically
Beyond hope
Past caring
Over it

Life is too hard
Every turn
Slammed door
Hurt feelings

I cannot keep going
Do not have it in me
Hopes are dashed
Spirit crushed

Do not cry for me
I was damaged from birth
Now
I am just beyond hope

so this happened...
it has happened before
then i can stop
but it always comes back
back to the blade
the shiny blade
it calls my name
begs to feel my skin
as it slices
red bubbles up
and runs down my arm
funny i don't feel the pain
so it cuts again
and again
making thin red lines
so this happened....

I feel forgotten
Nobody seems to care
Or be there when I need them

Only one to remember
Is the one who hurt me
He never leaves

Forgotten
Alone

It hurts
To be forgotten

I know you don't understand
BUT
I have been trying to bridge the gap.

You do not know me
And I don't really know you
I don't trust you.
To have a true relationship
We are going to have
Get to know each other
On common ground.

I need a minute
I need you to understand
That this relationship that you are ready for
Is just too much to ask of me
UNREASONABLE
BAD THINGS did happen
HORRIBLE THINGS I cannot just forget.

My impulse is not to lean on you
NOT YET
You are pushing me away
By pushing yourself on me
I need you to let me come to you
As I am ready
STOP
Forcing yourself on me
STOP
Putting me in a position
Where I have to say no.

There is a huge gap
Between how you see me
And how I see me
This will take time, patience
And tremendous effort
To bridge that gap.

I know you don't understand
BUT
I am trying to bridge the gap.

Self
Personal
Me
Alone

Judgement
Punishment
Deserved
Guilty

Facing
My
Own
Inadequaties

Self-Judgement*

Sentence passed

Only death will pay