Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
NitaAnn Sep 2017
I cannot sleep
I lay awake
My soul is
The past
The present
All haunted me
What I have done
Who I am
Fear of rejection
Not being enough

I long to be loved
To be better
To be enough

Be alas
My fate is written
My soul tormented
NitaAnn Mar 2017
Always alone
Never fitting in
Does not matter what I do
I will always be on the outside
Alone and forgotten
NitaAnn Jan 2017
I have not felt the urge in so long
Tonight the desire is strong
I attempt to resist
But I find myself tracing the white lines
Over and over again

For now, I trace with my fingertip
However, tonight the desire is strong
The desire to see the shine of the blade
To feel the pull as it neatly slices the skin
To see the bright red as it fills in behind the blade
How long can I resist this urge

Now where did that come from
Look a shiny blade in my hand
I have missed you
Let me see you work
Let us make new scars
NitaAnn Jan 2016
She looked in the mirror
Looking back at her
Was a monster
A monster that was made
A monster that needed to be defeated.

Who would win this battle?

She is lying there
Smoking gun in her hands
Unseeing eyes stare up at the ceiling
A trail of blood and brains

The monster grins...He won this round.

She looks at the bottles
Bottle of pills and a bottle of Jack
Just take them...wash them down
The monster whispers.

She complies
Drifting off into a never-ending sleep.

The monster smiles...He won again.

She studies her reflection
In the blade in her hand
Just a few quick slits
And it will all be over.
Trails of sticky, warm blood
Run down her hands
She watches as her life
Pumps out with the last beats
Of her heart.

The monster laughs...he always wins.

*In the end, it does not matter how it came
What matters is He won.
NitaAnn Jan 2016
I am a captive
Bound by the past
Unable to move forward
Constant struggle
Reality distorted
Forever marred by his love

Maybe I do not deserve better
I deserve the restraints
The beatings are mine
Cherish them
Embrace the hurt
NitaAnn Jan 2016
Standing on the outside
Looking in
Whose family this is
How are they so happy
When I am so sad
Do I have a place in there?
Will I ever fit in?
NitaAnn Sep 2015
As day turns to night
My anxiety grows
I want to release control
I am tired of fighting
Yet my will is stubborn

sigh....give in already.

*As night falls
The darkness surrounds me.
Next page