My lack of confidence in myself is a weight I feel I'll always carry.
Its not like I don't have courage, but its like watered down whiskey.
It still has the burn, but it takes a minute to hit me.
They say if you work hard enough you can do anything you want to.
But every time that I try something new.
It always has the same outcome, ashes and smoke.
Like my attempts at creating something to be remembered by, are nothing but a ******* joke.
So excuse me if I'm not as confident as I try to appear.
Sometimes I guess I just get lost in my own fear.
That I'll end up like my father with no job and no life.
To be left with nothing, but two kids and a ******* ex-wife.
I once thought love was the reason why I wanted to write.
Now I realize I do it just so I can sleep better at night.
Because pixels and pens gave me a confidence I've never had before.
I might not be ready to make that jump yet, but I'm getting closer that's for sure.

I am nothing more than the shadow of humanity;
the silence of the voices that got lost in calamity.
The memory of oblivion in what some thought
the essence of all their dreams and goals
and the trails of those who bet and lost their souls.
The statue of some heroes, martyrs and poets
and the shame of those who borrowed victory but owe it.
The ink marked in the pages of history
and the tears of those who lived its misery.
The silence of the howls that no one could hear
and the echo of the voices that brought us here.
The faded illusions of the ones that lost the fight
and the ashes of the ones that have passed by.
The ghost of those who were and will no longer be
and the legacy of those who lived and left a path for me.
I am, here and now... and when I turn into I was
I will be forgotten, just like everyone else has.