I was jealous of a cigarette
I wanted to be held so tight in your fingers
I wanted to touch your lips
And then just like the drag of smoke
Disappear in the dark.

I wanted you to smile at me
the way you smile at the full pack
I wanted to be carried with you
and I wanted you to always want me.

Instead of that
you became my cigarette
my addiction
and I wanted more and more
and I couldn't control myself anymore
I wanted to be your everything
so desperately
that I became nothing to you
while you were my whole world.

I'm struggling
to become what you always wanted me to be
to remember the way I felt
when you whispered my name

You always told me
you love the way I am
and that I should not change
but in the end
you told me I wasn't enough.

I'm struggling
to define myself
to escape the old me
to be better
and good enough.

You always told me
you will always love me
with all those flaws
little imperfections
but in the end
you pointed them out
and left.