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Feb 2015 · 334
Answers That Never Come
Neal Emanuelson Feb 2015
What harm could this be?
Euphoria far too intense
To forget for so long
Darken these lines
So they flow so clean
The secret of the marks are to crave it
more than the pain it caused

But even if the Gods were to forgive
Damaging the temples, all sacred
The bliss concentrates in parallels
Made with no regards

Still, crawling into subtle madness worth repeating
Bleeding out the pain that was never gone

Could one ever enter
Immoral heavens, flashing
Light on tilting grounds
Dripping into pools that stain the earth
Losing every ounce of strength to stand
Leaves the body charmed by remarkable feats
To escape the floor

But frenzied off the loss of the pain
Locking doors to the mind better left open
Never ending are the paths once they’re drawn
And a new one is born

Still, crawling into subtle madness worth repeating
Bleeding out the pain that was never gone
But temporary bliss always fades, never finding a solution
Bleeding out the pain for answers that will never come

© 2014
Feb 2015 · 319
Recalling the Future
Neal Emanuelson Feb 2015
The sweetest rush comes from failing
To keep out the demons created
Fabricated to keep the sanity somewhere
Recreating the bars on skin to contain them

The bitter taste comes from realizing
How many cannot understand this struggle
One that started from the beginning
And ceases to fade away permanently

The highest point came hiding the truth
Every line a grim marker of a ****** edge
Deciding an abstraction is the best distraction
For years on years, building inward

The lowest point came from discovering
How futile the ignorance can become
Fighting against it is all too tiring
When a little spill is easier to clean

The last point came from recalling
The future was a shell of what was
A present labored in the persistence of pain
Left by the past that refuses to disappear

© 2014
Feb 2015 · 595
Portrait (of an Artist)
Neal Emanuelson Feb 2015
Tender soft skin, once thought to be stone
Once separate layers now split, uneven
Exposing it's red underneath a dark canvas
A razor edge brush guides this painting
The peace that was once dead- springs to life, unwilling
Hoping once more that this form will contain it

A temporary hold; a soulless container
The colors are dull and the mind is hazy
Exposed a red brush upon the dark canvas
The paint is too thin, it lacks the luster
Searching for more, brush turned inward
Gushing from the source for a scarlet hued angle

Fading in and out, a masterpiece undone
Marred with a vision that remains so tranquil and clear
Exposing bits of red to the darkest corners of the canvas
It reaches outward to escape the ending
A final signature, caught weak of final breath
A nightmare come true without the masterpiece completed

This story once told hangs lost on these walls
Fading colors of a past still remembered today
Exposed to reds hue in the dark canvas of this mind
The paint long worn thin and the canvas is tattered
But it recreates itself as this peace will never last
A dead portrait of myself that will never be finished
Feb 2015 · 674
Faulty Saviors (Alt. 1)
Neal Emanuelson Feb 2015
You've found yourself in the mirror
In the eyes that won't betrayed
If I let you bleed, will you suffer the same?

In the smile that was hopeless
In the sorrow that no one sees
If I let you breathe, you will suffer the same.

The constant state of being
What you are and are not supposed to be
These are memories in the truths of the lies

Too beguiled, alone, and afraid
To see that you actually are me
And we’ve done everything to end us tonight

With the hand you've called for me
And without voice, you summon the rest
"If we will let you bleed, we'll suffer the same."

But you've marked yourself indifferent
Yet we're the ones to shoulder blame
"But we let you bleed so you won't suffer the same."

The nine souls misled from deception
Will be your fears and mistakes
We live in the chambers of your shattered mind

And in the nights that you will see us
You will no longer be afraid
Because we are the same in body, soul, and mind

© 2014
Feb 2015 · 304
Ends Here, Begins There
Neal Emanuelson Feb 2015
The words drift softly around your ears
The remainder of blissful disturbance in the air
Does it pain you when the words you hear
Are the same as mine if I were there
Are you drifting back?

The corners of your eyes see life so differently
A blur of second chance without the memory
A few thoughts through the days mundane
Could simply be gone and washed away
By the flowers bought the day after New Year’s.

Had you listened to the voice I had spoken through
From the body that you never lost, but never knew
For all of the reasons that we’d made
To promise ourselves each and every day
Are you happy yet?

Catching myself falling through nostalgia
Can’t help but wonder if it still gets to you
Praying loud may give you hope to share
But if no one hears you, who would care
To listen to you at all?

I’ve tried so desperately to erase your face
Losing time and rushing to find something to replace
The smile that haunts me I held so dear
The love we share for all those years
Winds away on the 3rd 6th of the next 2 years…

Plead to me of mercy and of foolish thoughts
The mistakes of yours are nothing to what I have sought
For keeping true to one only fate
To make amends for what time can’t erase
It all ends here…

All ends here.

© 2014
Feb 2015 · 671
Another (Relapse)
Neal Emanuelson Feb 2015
Every little drop has come from pain
Dripping regrets down on the walls
Wrote apologies on the bathroom sink
And hid the mess in lines of words.

Every little line is a memory
Perfect permanence within a scar
Each parallel, each a missing piece
of reasons from which they came.

These words are nothing short of empathy
There's always truth in the eyes of the hurt
The message has been dried and wiped away
Yet there's a crude carving on the temple forever.

© 2014
Feb 2015 · 385
Inter Caecos Regnat Strabo
Neal Emanuelson Feb 2015
What can be seen with eyes forever closed
Behind the nightmares and dreams' wall
In the land of the blind, nothing is seen
But felt in the hands that bleed from groping

What unity exist with the blind
and what of those partial?
Humanity still claims its classes
And the hatred thus never ceases

Wealthy and poor, both blind with greed
Wrathful and pacified, both blind with power
Singed by the warmth of silent promises
And coveted by the form of lost senses

In the land of the blind
The squinting rule.

© 2014
Feb 2015 · 483
Tempus Neminem Manet
Neal Emanuelson Feb 2015
Where has it gone?
This singularity of a heartbeat
A moment of comfort and sadness
In which it was free to be aimless
Wandering in this present reality
There is a silent sign, forever bound

Where does it go?
Every second it passes by
For each and every word that sits
Idly on the tongues of perfect strangers
Worlds apart in heart and mind again
It's still a silent concept of a reality

Where has it been?
Staring down all in wait
Never a move backwards
Never a step to alter its weight
But the worth is far too precious to waste
And there's so little left to give away in this state

Where will it be?
When sought for in vain
Can it be found again to be bought?
Presented to those who have lost too much
To gain back what once was lost;
Well it’s lost, and lost again and again.

© 2014
Feb 2015 · 316
Lex Talionis
Neal Emanuelson Feb 2015
Robbed of a choice we have made all the same
And awarded a will that has given us all the blame
It's a fate to retaliate for such we have born
And a folly to remember for what truths we have sworn
I've never had my fill until I gave it up my youth

An eye for an eye and the soul for a crime
My rights to defend in a fight for my mind
To shape and destroy the molds we have cast
A revolution is a must
In an evolution we can't trust
Repetition is the key to learn nothing

So who's right to take my life if not me by my hand
And who's too clever to take away these rights I understand
If ever I was to be at peace with all that surrounds
My final revelation would be known only with me in the ground
I'll never know my worth until I've taken myself out

An eye for an eye and the soul for recompense
My mind deceives us all and I'm sure it'll never rest
I have shaped to destroy the era I'm cast to play
Demarcation of tireless desire
Recollection of a fruitless liar
Repetition is the key to learn everything

And I've attempted to take my own before
And I've never been so sure
For I've found little solace since then
Since I've been so close to an end...

© 2014
Neal Emanuelson Feb 2015
I've laid my sword down to save a soul
One that was not worthy of penance
Spoke love out of fantasy
But this was the only choice I could see

White wings were cut down and her eyes so impure
Blood ran to a river's length as far as my vision could see
My lips were purged of a faith turned to fallacy

Within a kiss that was so familiar to me

My eyes were pure, my faith was strong
Betrayal struck where my heart belonged
Killed by my own, my heart sang off
Darkness lives in the purest of us all

My heart bore fangs now that my eyes knew fear
Vengeance meant survival- survival to end the means
Of betrayed hearts waiting for the blood of the one who deceived

My eyes breathed hate, my faith was wronged
Emptiness grew where my heart belonged
To **** my own despite the costs
Darkness lives in the purest of us all

Cautiously unaware, her fears at bay
I rested there motionless- my actions will still be stayed
Vengeance was achieved before she looked away

Her eyes were silent and no more afraid
She spoke of waiting, waiting just for this day
Though remorse ran her neck wet
Wet with the blood and tears
She was content like no one should be

Her eyes breathed pain, her skin was warm
Regret overwhelmed her heart for so long
I killed my own to gain what was lost
Darkness lives in the purest of us all

She whispers slowly to me
"You were always warm, but you would feel nothing..."
She whispered closely to me
"Wings aren't always white, but does that mean anything...?"
She consoled herself in me
"Your embrace was always cold, yet you would feel nothing..."
She turn her eyes to me
"Vengeance is all you had, but now do you have anything...?"

My eyes breathed hate when my faith was wronged
Emptiness grew where my heart belonged
To **** my own despite the costs
Darkness lives in the purest of us all

Vengeance took my life, my faith I tossed
Emptiness is now my heart's final clause
I killed my own and must pay the cost
My fangs are true, my white wings are lost

© 2014
Neal Emanuelson Feb 2015
In the terminal light of this darker night
I've urged my shyness to move me
Towards your star that shined so far
But you've blinded all those who could see
Just who you are
Had I had any chance to prove to you?
It's neither right nor wrong to call you
And it's almost for no other reason
but to see you.

And the big dipper falls in my every stall
I've let my shyness continue
Just closer now, but still wonder how
I could ever come close enough to feel
Just who you are
Had I had any chance to prove you?
A falling star is but a speck to you
And it's almost for no other reason
but just to know you.

My falling star burns but never learns
I have my sight to contain you
In a memory, you could never leave
But could you ever be close enough to prove
Just who you are
I have every chance to prove you
A galaxy with just enough room for you
And it's almost for no other reason
But to have you.

And it's only just to prove you
Exist.

© 2014
Feb 2015 · 574
A Silver Reminder
Neal Emanuelson Feb 2015
Depress the edge, this silver charm
Confused in what is senseless harm
Hide away and fleece the warmth
Gravity holds on to the redden form

The stains collected on the floor
Cover up the ones there before
These lines heal so ever slow
But are the quickest to show

Feel the path control its only route
The pain oxidizes half the doubt
Focused on how it came about
A mere disillusion
An uncommon solution

Lost in cold reflection
Trapped in the endless fall
But too deceived by perception
This descent never noticed at all

Here’s the truth that always hiding in the lining
Clearly subsiding as the droplets dry up again
The gentle lines in all the lying is only trying
To stop denying this habit will give in

Lost in brief recollection
Entombed in the endless fall
But too deceived by perception
This descent never noticed at all

© 2014
Feb 2015 · 377
By Eight
Neal Emanuelson Feb 2015
Crouched before the electrical lord
A terminal of many, unity of one
Touched by multitudes and harbored
Estranged not by origin, but by future
Quantum in hopes and observations
Pulses of twin opposites
Required to speak

To hear

To tap

To click

To adhere, code, and program
A world unbound to restrictions
Of moral and legalities of fleshy desires
But is bound to cages of silicon and metals
Ropes of data and temperatures of stress
Spider’d to wiles and enthusiasms of minds
Accustomed to fear and paranoia of the untaught

It seeks

It learns

It grows

An amalgamation of past, present and future
Collected, assembled, forgotten and recycled
Corrupted without a trace of restoration
But trusted and believed without concern
Lest we forget, the mistakes of the system
Are compounded and blamed, but-
The computer only does what an idiot commands.

© 2014
Kudos for those of you that get it. :)
Feb 2015 · 300
Hazy Broken
Neal Emanuelson Feb 2015
And I dreamt a hell girl beckon to me
Sipping sake that dripped from the moon
But while no one had called my name
My halo sent upward hues of grays

But calm and peace invade my head
destroying all I've held so dear
A solitude like a silent plague
And I remembered all the hope I feared

She appeared in my sights again
A smile so faint and sly I slipped
A thread of fate tangled up in time
With a tug by the one that owns my mind

And rage and lust consumed my soul
And I've discarded all I've known so true
My being was ***** into trickery and deceit
But of all I could remember, there was simply you

© 2014
Feb 2015 · 268
Hold On To
Neal Emanuelson Feb 2015
So close and we breathe our fires
Share our warmth and close desires
Sweat out misery and we do perspire
Left clean with what we do aspire to
Hold on

Lost in transit, worlds so far
Every night's missing a star
Pressed hearts from where we are
Traveled in a bus, subway, or car to
Hold on

Self-weathered nose that runs away
Thoughts covered in rusted decay
Called off work just to play
Just need one person for the day to
Hold on

© 2014
Feb 2015 · 358
An End in Time
Neal Emanuelson Feb 2015
Coming through the door frame
Said I've got some news to say
You don't gotta tag along
But can tell there's something wrong

Sit you down holding hands
Soft smile with sigh
"Baby, I love you so much,
but this is gonna be tough...

See I've been feeling n'glected
and wishin' you could see
how every day’s a battlefield
an' I'm losing everything that's real.

My words never reach you
Experience ain't worth a thing
Everything I've done for you
Say you know, but you got no clue.

Don't wanna waste time
Be it yours or mine
We going downhill fast
This just isn't gonna last

I see you crying tears
Lookin' for an escape
We're alone and it’s unfair
Dyin' now won't get you anywhere

See, cause this ain't just an end
It's another place to begin.

© 2014
Feb 2015 · 247
Show
Neal Emanuelson Feb 2015
This empty, merciful place
Brings sadness to these souls
These blissful, ignorant places
It's plenty good for those who

Want to breathe and forget their lies
Exhaling peace through the wartime fires
One born at ease and another life perspires
The deaf hear it and know
The blind see come and go

This perfected and ageless race
Comes as a burden for survival
Continued flawed and shameful ages
It's horrific for the children of those who

Can't believe they've seen their ends
Come crashing down in wartime fires
Shot down as beliefs truly disguised in desires
Generations see it and know
But the lives still come and go

But bear it all for honest heart's sake
Admit our rights came from honest mistakes
We'll fight and claw for each we've made
An end to the fall closer and closer each day
And we bear it all for all our heart's sake
Brought closer to every mind by our own mistakes
Out of my arms, you've hit the earthen floor
I'm still unsure exactly how much this is worth for

Those who want to breathe and forgive themselves
Their loudest screams echo their silent hells
And trusted lips have said the damnedest words
The truth exists and will show
When the lies give hold

© 2014
Neal Emanuelson Feb 2015
I and you, two for nothing
Compared against thunder and rain
The noise and the touch
Relentlessly and effortlessly
Conflicting, yet expected as such one seems

You and her, two for talking
Echoing the walls of prattled swine
The mud slings and the stench
Putridly and gagging’ly
Gossiping, yet lacking class in appearance

Her and I, two unknowns
Ever silent in past troubles
The scars and the memories
Bloodying and painfully
Dominating, yet drown-able in withdrawal

You and I, mismatched
Ever missing life's responsibilities
Reckless and disciplined
Village-raised and conserved
Fleeting, a pair that exists for nothing

© 2014
Neal Emanuelson Feb 2015
It’s the coldness of the window
That brings arctic winds into my eyes
The pane of glass provides a simple
View of the world which I despised

Shut in my world is perfected misery
Sweet release waiting for its prime
A scarlet hue of liquid rubies
Flowing from the thinnest lines

And I keep
Bleeding out
Even now I can
Still feel myself
I’m saving me but

I keep
Bleeding out
Even though I can’t
Feel myself
I’m losing me

Every line bears little resemblance
To the ones that have crossed before
Only fear keeps this knife moving
Only pain makes me want it more

Stains cover every tile here
From a regressed and spiteful nature
Maybe this desire is deep enough to
Make this the last line I'll endure

But I keep
Bleeding out
Even though I can
Still feel myself
I’m saving me but

I keep
Bleeding out
Even though I can’t
Feel myself
I’m losing me

© 2014
Feb 2015 · 247
Still a Beautiful Feat
Neal Emanuelson Feb 2015
There it was, final line to walk down
A tired sigh from the days lived on
The reasons never met each other, but
The earth held, held so much more allure

And one could swear
To be ready to hit the ground
And one could swear
This grave wasn't meant to be found

The feet believed, believed that they were walking through...
Perfect, it's a decision made premature
The ground's a guilty bed for the souls
Feeling dead, yet still so full of life.

It's nothing much, just a mislead prerogative
A second will hidden away inside this chest
The veins never connect together, though it'll never try
The heart has, has so much more to endure

And one could swear
To be ready to stop its beating sound
And one could swear
To bury their self in an earthly mound

The eyes perceived, perceived that they were thinking of these...
Wonderful, these secrets laid to wasteful memories
The call is there to make, but can could one really see it?
Sometimes death seems quite a beautiful feat.

© 2014
Feb 2015 · 1.5k
Love Function
Neal Emanuelson Feb 2015
Love Function

Love function.m
------------------------------------------------------­----
function ***= hopeful (pain, pleasure)
% ***                        A romp through the meadows below
%                               perceived as a token invitation to
%                               the gates of heaven and hell back, enjoyed.

***.plans=...
['kiss', 'touch', 'play';
'hug', '*****', 'nookie'];
duration= 45.00;
awk.silence= 480.00pleasure;
rest= 0:1/pain: duration;

love = [ ];

for i= 7:length(pain)
pain = pleasure (u);
if (pleasure= 'kiss' && pain= 'touch' &&  pleasure= 'play' && pain= ''*****' && pleasure= 'hug' &&  pleasure= nookie')
         %checks for comfort
         continue
    end;
    [ii,uu] = find(pain==pleasure);
    moan = cos(2
pipain(ii,uu)duration) + cos(2pipleasure(ii,uu)awk.silence);

love = [love, hate(2,awk.silence), callback]

end;

maybe(yes,no);
relationship(love);
For the geek/nerd in all of us... (no, it doesn't run properly, the variables are incomplete, like love supposed to be).
Feb 2015 · 373
Temporary Actor
Neal Emanuelson Feb 2015
So still, I've played this fool
The game of lonely talks
A clever thought this ruse
I find a shallow heart

A better lie once told
that truth is born by tools
And one by one, we've folly’d
Bound inward between ourselves

Be cautious and risk it all
No better life waits at ends
And all we've left to prove
Is an existence, left to apprehend

Based on imitations of perfect lives
Written by history of imperfect words
Made scripted by every human being
A temporary actor leading every act

© 2014
Feb 2015 · 372
A Thought
Neal Emanuelson Feb 2015
Easier to say that it's been following
you from every corner-sided eye.
A blind spot of mystery encased in an
opaque window seat of a cold night.
The eerie feeling of a secret pair running
through your mind like a river of contemplation,
yet the serene serenade of attention wavering
over like a blanket of fresh, untouched snow.

Undoubtedly curious, but timidly hesitant...
When do we meet again, Miss?

© 2014
Neal Emanuelson Feb 2015
They brought us through the passage
Enslaved and tied to ropes
All jokes are cast aside us
With every smile for the words they spoke
On bended knee they forced us
Our smiling heads trapped in their holes
The metal sheet came down so gently
And there our laughing heads would roll

Come bearing down your sanctity
With a whistle, jump, and skip
Come shining in all your glory
Thousand beggars clinging to your hips

Jesus came to save us all
A smile for all our sins
Jesus came tell us all
"I cannot let you in now...”

I've scarred it over my body's canvas
My knife and rags are all but clean
I've washed in eternal holy waters now
But I'll forever lack that scriptured gleam
I've prayed to take myself out of this
With every breath I've given since
My dreams withheld for years to date
But he smiles at me and gives a clever wink

Come enter into your temples now
Grace us with an everlasting wake
Come bless all of us that entered you
Tell us that you're more than just a face

Jesus came to take us all
A hand to wipe away these sins
And so Jesus proceeds to tell us all
"But I cannot let you in, now..."

© 2014
Feb 2015 · 299
Sinking and Drowning
Neal Emanuelson Feb 2015
To cope in time with open eyes
Standing idly by without an answer
To try and pry these open dreams
without reason enough to care
or enough air to shield them in

All bound by curious lies to hollow truths
But surely able to catch the loneliest eyes
That follow through the hells of every sigh

So radiance finds another's side
A guiding light for the honest and fare
But through the image between seas
As thought to never be there
are the ironies of the shame and the sin

All drowned by curious lies deep in shallow truths
Unsure or able to watch the darkening skies
Beckoning through the wash of every tide.

© 2014
Feb 2015 · 305
Divided (Our World)
Neal Emanuelson Feb 2015
She was sound asleep then, but then my mind still stayed by.
I stared at ceilings
looking for the answers to whys

but there's no answer
there's just reasons to care

In this blue-lit green room, I saw her sigh in the air.

My world had slipped away, too far to grasp and hold on to
But I just pulled away and stood there.

The kiss was sweet now, rushed in anxiety's maw.
I felt complete now
even as tears cradled her jaw

but there's still no answer
there's just those reasons to care.

The days were ending and I left my sigh in the air.

My world had cried away, too slick to grasp and hold on to
But I just pulled away and stood there.

The tension's thick now, my cut's too shallow to pierce.
The expectations were deep
and came so quickly to peak

Was there ever an answer
to give for why I had cared?

My time was fleeting as she exhaled in the air.

My world had passed away, too fast to grasp and hold on to
But I just pulled away and stood there.

The sight was painful, no heart could ever compare
to what I lost there-
lost ourselves in despair.

There were no answers-
but just one reason to care.

She saw it ending, saw her tears fly through the air.

My world had flown away, too far to grasp and hold on to
But we just pulled away and stood there.

© 2014
Feb 2015 · 359
Most Obvious of Places
Neal Emanuelson Feb 2015
Dry-eyed passerby seeking shelter
from the conflictions of one's reality
finds the irony in the comfort of being sad

Amongst the day old blues that hang from wires
and the constant surveillance of the hounds
there's little to behold of purity in angst

Screened the world for clarity and found solitude
in the millisecond cure of faint bubbles
blown by the breaths of the innocent

The dark and frozen lands traveled over
hid the joy of light in the most obtuse of places
The smile on a child's face.

© 2014
Feb 2015 · 318
Kindly Whisper Away
Neal Emanuelson Feb 2015
The grass rolled gently with each inhale
Her eyes laid of earth hues and sky-lit horizons
Hands pressed with assurance and soft mounds

of pleasures
unknown
Some innocent and grown

Followed by the warm of her footprints
Resting against the resilience of the bark of trees
The touch of another discovered by the

endless sea
of leaves and flowers
and she whispered away her soul

Rested beside the roots of the last seen place
I've calmly assured myself her return to me
If only my woes and fears would also

Kindly
whisper
away.

© 2014
Feb 2015 · 320
Remembrance Hurts the Most
Neal Emanuelson Feb 2015
Bled
The wounds only scratch the surface
Of what few accept in kind regards
But often take for granted
Hoping
That all of this pulls through
To stave away from temptation
Of all that has been seen
Another year to deceive will lead

What of hope’s acceptance
It’s frail and so weak
To cope with this resistance
Too timid and too meek
If all of what it carries dies
Sheltering the fleet
Is lost to what we can’t have
And failed to obtain

Arms crossed
Protect what little can muster
The threat of losing all versus
The salvation of saving little
Memories
Of what could have been true
Burn away without moderation
The priceless reveries we bring
Replaced by the mourns we sing

© 2014
Neal Emanuelson Feb 2015
I and I alone find the peace of another savior in the dark
Alone and pleading for the life one doesn't own
Sick and bleeding for the sins he does not commit
But is always leading others to the crossroads of choice.

The light of the new day fails to offer much more than
Just the promise that one has survived it all thus far
What has not killed us now has not finished the task
Of what has not changed us now will fail in future attempts.

The mind is now running straight through the fires
The hell-bent now seeking the solace of sanctuary
Ensconced in every child of man innocent to the past
Trapped in the endless cycles of protest and oppress
Of the lost, the celebrated, the obedient and the rebellious.

© 2013
Feb 2015 · 346
Conflictions Within
Neal Emanuelson Feb 2015
It's not exactly hatred worth clinging onto
Rather the distant clawing of the child once...
Nothing much of innocence towards the heart
And little trace of the one left behind

A fear of self lives within the shell
Awaiting the spark needed to rise again
But under lock and key behind chambers
Personified and split within the mind

Is a cure in sight or is delusion a calming lie?
The horror in the cure is slowly surpassing
the truth in the lie that weighs heavy in deceit
The consequences of inaction will be the greatest undoing

To have attempted and failed to run and hide
from this is a life shrouded in a hazy mind
For the one who is to endure is conflicted
The quiet in this soul is never acquiesced.

© 2013
Feb 2015 · 388
Unformed
Neal Emanuelson Feb 2015
Fearing the shape of
The soul underneath my breath
Ripping and clawing
The barriers between her chest
Savage and alluring
Every pore drips slow with haste
Taking time… to savor
This chance should never go to waste

Opened her eyes and made her see
This a different person in me

Heat rising, the core is
The nerve one must try to find
Disregard all morals
What I’ve found must now be mine
A liquid aphrodisiac
The cries are strange and out of place
The hunter is hunting
And lust is found to be the game

Opened her eyes and made her scream
Is the beast of lust in me?

The ecstasy in feral means
Ignores her pleas of decency
Will I destroy what I love?
The loss of mind in lustful gaze
A fall from grace, now unafraid
Slowly, assured that I'm…
Assured of the beast of lust in me.
Feb 2015 · 319
Symptom of Longing
Neal Emanuelson Feb 2015
I haven't been a part of life for more years than I wish to count. It's the absence in the moments I've seen long ago, the scenes I once clung so desperately to belong to. The abstraction in my memories say I was once there, but the irregularities in my heart rationalize the doubt and assure me that wishful thinking was the only memory that occurred. The particularities of this symptom- if it could be called that- are quite strange. It happens so rapidly, I hardly pay it any mind; but if my mind wanders, the old theater in my brain plays a reel. The imagined scenes are portrayed on screen and I can see myself within them.

Happy... sad, maybe.

It makes no difference. The mood of the filming is enough to make the heart start an analysis. I'll feel a tug or two at my heart and wonder where I ever got this silly notion. It's odd and a little depressing, but it only makes me wonder- where was I and why did I think this happen? Some days, I think I have the answer.

It's only longing.

© 2013
Feb 2015 · 301
For My Own
Neal Emanuelson Feb 2015
Woe to my
Perfect gray sky

My baby’s locked down in the basement
Yearning for its mother’s arms
Mother’s gone and misplaced him

Broken by the discard pile

Perfect gray sky
And pretty flowers gone

My best friend has gotten awful chilly
Laying down so blue and pale
Too far to see where she was swimming

Sunk down and deeply inhaled

And pretty flowers gone
All I wanted

My dear husband has gone missing
Replaced with a simple note
“I will not come back for my sweeter things…

My body hangs from the rope.”

All I ever wanted
To never be alone

© 2013
Feb 2015 · 383
Between You and Me
Neal Emanuelson Feb 2015
The messages on the machine grow higher every minute
Kind and murderous regret seeps out of every ***** hole.
It was the love she wanted, something solid that could crumbled over.
Falling down to grounds untouched, none can build what they can’t reach.
The confusion that binds the air is untapped nitrogen, louder than
Ignition enticed passion with gratification marked on the words of a doubter.

The mailbox seems bigger every step out to out bind the air that cripples.
Bills collected and paid off prompt, aside from love threats from irate lover.
It was the love he wanted, something timid that would cross him over.
Break the will of destruction, **** it, feed it to make fool of the other side that was waiting
Behind the skin of the shadows breeds the intellect nigh cruel for a straitjacket cover.

The nails that tear off skin in nights of fighting with the grin of gleeful faces
And the tangling is a convincing dance, whether or not it’s consuming their sin.
Bare brinks of those fluorescent halos twisting about these sheets, writhing
For a broken whisper for when a truth is only wishful deceit- she wills to another
Lover, same faced and movements but calloused in the bodies of tormented temptation.

There was a time these words had meaning, over time they lose clarity and gain insight
To a negative double standing that bruises walls and flesh all the same.
They’ve lasted enough to know conniptions flared either silent or through second guessing
But see how nothing’s learned without pushing the limits of another youthful lesson.
She couldn’t listen to the sounds echoing outside this ‘precisionist’ prison holding in
So he wouldn’t utter truthful pieces she couldn’t see to break the shackles she had brought from the past.

© 2012
Feb 2015 · 378
For You ; Out There
Neal Emanuelson Feb 2015
In the meadow comes a quiet
Where your eyes speak out of turn
My silent grip is painfully tight
But letting go is none your concern
Given space
It exists too much for us between
When the closer that we become
The farther away we are to dream
And it hurts, leaving self within the void
Know the one you love is somewhere
In me, the holder tonight you must let go
Wait no longer

And I am feathered by the moonlight
Open your wings when you speak
We fly forever southward
As these kisses begin to sting
And I slowly drift from you farther
Leave the trees to embrace my fall
And I’ll be nestled in the forest
If for me you’ll search at all

My eyes follow the broken branches
Of my love within the fall sky
Soon covered by the frosty mist
Of a listless winter call
For you; Out there
Spring in the meadow’s glade
Cocoon in summer nights
Of waiting alone this year
Where my fleeting restitution lies

And I am tattered by the moonlight
Broken wings will never speak
I walk the forest ground southward
As your voice begins to sing
And I slowly walk farther away
Restless fingers weave through this all
And I’ll be hiding these feelings from you
Until out to me you yearn to call.

© 2012
Feb 2015 · 633
Responsible Suicide
Neal Emanuelson Feb 2015
This hushed wind brings about a smaller piece of perpetual silence
Swayed by the similarities of tree leaves and people
Life ahead of a dawn regarded to wake nonentities
Reminded not of the deafening undertones inside a mind
Forlorn versifier levy the elegiac deterioration
A trepanation of dreary memoirs too sore
to cull a pain so congenial.

Life seems a responsible suicide.

© 2012
Feb 2015 · 459
Another Asylum
Neal Emanuelson Feb 2015
The mirror, consistent bystander, a defiled savior that returns
An arid eyeful of the misery masquerading in skin
The promises, unturned in the ragged nails
Of hands amongst the worn blades, desiccated with blood.
Night prefaced by sleep endeavors to hold a zephyr to never wake
Keeping a window parsed with misguiding lexis when solitary
Escapism writes itself on panes in palls of a routed exhale
The walls, sordidly stained with parody of preaching truths
Openhanded to the sheer erosion of missing self-misuse
And as the dawn reveals the path out redemption's door
The fetter of morning's mourning reminds its prisoner of its tethered grip.

©  2013
Neal Emanuelson Feb 2015
When was the last time you breathed?
Staring from the surface-
All the color in those cheeks,
where is that pristine glow?
I must've fallen asleep-
Dazed in obedience
Just to keep you alive,
Sprawled blue across the floor.

... it's still colder...
... than your smile...
As I lie safely tucked beside,
Your cold skin pierces mine.

All the pieces set in place
But ever too blind my eye
I can bear all the blame, but
Death, it was just a child.

© 2012
Feb 2015 · 448
So Long
Neal Emanuelson Feb 2015
Curtains dry the atonement of the night.
The soul saved coveted by the greedy walls
As if no mark could rune a salvation's whisper.

Final promise to lie down in stiff limbs,
Succumbed to halogen heavens high.
Strained dry eyes link blinding halos.

Fibers cradle a dry, dark dissertation.
Ceramic plates contour new shape
As it stains anew with ebbed contempt.

It's been so long since I've bled.

© 2012
Neal Emanuelson Feb 2015
What is the fate of the kingdom we spoke of
What resolution came in exchange for a soul?
The kingdom was ravaged
So brutal and savage
The people were slain in such numbers untold

The loneliness came in swiftly like lions
And coated all much like blanketed snow


The Dead roamed freely for eons to come
Their sins left them to rot and decay
A penance must have come
For their sins came undone
And the earth swallowed their soul in its clay

Of mankind there was none but a whisper
Made by soft beat of every bird’s wing
But one child survived
Yes, only one stayed alive
And my story is all that I sing.

© 2013
The Kingdom, the Army, and the Dead (Poetic Prose- Trilogy)
Neal Emanuelson Feb 2015
Screams were heard out in the pastures
and came a horizon much like ash on the hearth
Shadows moved infinitely
The sounds grew diminutively
The prelude to the rapture of the earth.

The Dead caught quickly to the masses of souls
Hailing words and weapons of demonic origin
Carrying the faces of no strangers
Those once loved threaten dangers
Of what was human, but now suffused in sin.

Lives flooded the pathways ‘tween houses
Terror coated their faces like a blinding veneer
The feeble fell sprawled
Crushed in panic by all
Those they had once cherished and trusted so dear

“The most primitive of emotions begets the bonds once made
when one would gladly **** their child to live another day.”

The hooded figure had spoken this truth to the King
In a voice so trustful, endearing, yet cold
“A miracle, for you, can be given
To save men, women, and children
But I will take the most precious of treasures you hold.”

The King gave no reply in the earnest of propositions
Yet rendered this a miracle none could pass.
“Only in exchange for a treasure,
One of your choosing- my pleasure,
But of my most precious, what could you possibly ask?”

From under the hood came an un-ethereal voice
“Your soul shall be all that I’ll need…”
With fiery sparks and a turn
The fabric had burned
Exposed his dark presence- Mephistopheles.

A deal with the darkest of Princes bodes endless misery
“Your God has forsaken you; your destiny now lies with me.”

The King fell down to his knees in despair
For his life, his Kingdom could be spared
“You’d take my life and not my kingdom
My people must have their freedom.
For such, no misery in your hell could ever compare.”

Mephistopheles erupted with such contentment
The Kings folly- pure, innocent and bare
Without sound or sight
The King’s soul, crushed pure light
Mephistopheles disappeared in a dark wisp of air…

© 2013
The Kingdom, the Army, and the Dead (Poetic Prose- Trilogy)
Neal Emanuelson Feb 2015
The King paced his throne whilst in anguish
Prayer and hatred raced through his voice
His knees met the ground
With angry fists he had pound
In the fate of his kingdom, he had never a choice

“My kingdom in danger and my army- most gone…
What could God’s plans be for us?” asked the King.
“My people look for a savior
My Queen begs me to save her
But of miracles, I haven’t such a thing!”

A callous cackle echoed the throne room
Darkness claimed possession of each crease
In the center, a figure
Feeble, and yet limber
with a smile pure of trust and deceit…

© 2013
The Kingdom, the Army, and the Dead (Poetic Prose- Trilogy)
Neal Emanuelson Feb 2015
A royal army set out in the coldest of air
Fatigue and unrest coating their souls
From the glow o'er the hills
Unprepared eyes had stood still
From the sight they had come to behold

The coast lay in ruins as black as the night
A sea-going river flowed crimson as rose
Amongst fires danced shadows
Cast over the red snows
Demonic forms whisked in their glow

The people once merry were piled in pyres
The stench traveled far towards one's nose
The smell of burned fears
Could force any man's tears
To witness of horrors that were shown

The horrors they envisioned were as painful as can be
The hatred swelled in masses of demonic energies

The General raised hands and signaled divisions
The army traveled and surrounded the town
A fierce call to arms beckoned
Caught by the fear reckoned
The army stormed towards the blackened ground

The shadows danced not on the decadence of power
All eyes entranced on the oncoming wave
Shrieks so under worldly
A power surged, so godly
Rushed through their body, no shield could stave

In an instant all was quiet and the battle was silenced
The army laid dead all but just one
The soldier was frightened
of such power, enlightened
Fainted ill of such fate to be shunned

"Wake and see the follies of your Kingdom's ways
No God will tend to the wounded of any soul that prays"

The lone soldier awoke to the sting of the sun
And the tense air that seared through his lungs
Took view of the land
where nothing now thus stands
To ponder what unearthly forces have done.

In the center of the town laid a hole in the ground
The hells of brimstone and sulfur impure
From the edges came crawling
dark forms creeping and sprawling
The dead of the coast, enraged from the hells they endured...
The Kingdom, the Army, and the Dead (Poetic Prose- Trilogy)
Neal Emanuelson Feb 2015
The stranger unheeded by the ears of the King
Aided with prosperity that swelled fat in their minds
But ill-storms foreboding
A wounded messenger came warning
of a hellish army not far behind.

"They ***** and they pillaged without mercy
and killing all of the living they see!
The bloodshed flowed rivers,
my heart still doth shivers-
I urge thou act with haste and urgency!"

The King now concerned of fates now certain
"From where do you hail?" asked the King
"I've traveled from the Thales north
after the destruction of Shale's port-
I beg you now your army to bring!"

© 2013
The Kingdom, the Army, and the Dead (Poetic Prose- Trilogy)
Neal Emanuelson Feb 2015
Let's speak of a kingdom that ceases to be
A downfall that passes in time
Through the mouth of our elders
And the lips of our child
The truth buried all the while

The kingdom, a treasure of sight to behold
Its beauty to match none have seen
But if beauty so precious
Was meant to be cherished
Why do stones cry out as they bleed?

The kingdom proved prosperous in the eyes of its people
King and royalty none could refute
But if a stranger conveyed mystery
Could alter just history
Arrived a hooded soul bearing a lute

He played such songs of virulent, reviled memories
Of one who’s pain could not be quenched from misery

The King heard enough of such terrible hymns
And cast sight of this poor soul away
With kindness refused
He promised a tune
That would please every ear that heard play

“Thy kingdom is vast and its subjects enjoyed
But facades are employed nonetheless
A scheme for thy king and a prize for thine queen
Thou subjects shall never protest

A dream in a bottle and a myth in the air
A dagger for each tongue that claims nay
Thy royal folly with intent to unfold
Thine King shall have thy own way

Thy kingdom with no vices shall destroy it all
A kingdom with no reasons has marked its own downfall”

The King yet enraged cast off this charade
And struck his sword, laced with ill-will
“Thy kingdom shall burn,
Thine lesson be learned
You will fight till thy heart is yet still”

Without wasting a single step forward
Without comprising the silence of sound
The hooded soul cackled
With laughter like shackles
His form sank deeper than that of the ground

-End Part 1-

© 2013
The Kingdom, the Army, and the Dead (Poetic Prose- Trilogy)
Feb 2015 · 714
The Bridge
Neal Emanuelson Feb 2015
She sat by the creek underneath the bridge, flicking nearby pebbles and watching them roll into the water. It wasn't so quiet for her with the crickets and the water flowing, but between them both there was world of silence. And that’s what took her breath away- did he really ask her to be here? Right now, at this time, at this exact moment? She could only contemplate what his reason was, but she had hope it was for all the reasons she wanted.
He stood shy of the nearest light post, hidden in darkness save the faint outline of his profile. He wasn't so surprised at being there, but he was surprised that she was there. He could already feel the tenseness surrounding her, enveloping her like quicksand, and he didn't know whether to save her from it or just let her sink alone. He wasn't even sure why she was here, not to mention why he came at all on such short notice. Such an important matter that couldn't be discussed over the phone… right, as if that was really so believable.
Plink
Another pebble scampered down the uneven ***** and fell to its watery doom in the water. It must've been the seventh or so pebble send to rock hell- he should know, he’d had been counting in silence… well, silently. Tired of the quiet (and standing), he sighed deeply as he summed up his resolve to approach her. Almost without a word, he could feel her concentrated sight on him, watching every step that he made until he came into view. Sitting down next to her, he picked up a pebble and rolled it between his fingers, shortly tossing it in the water. A successful end to the peace, he thought to himself.
Plink
They came out here at the request of both of their friends… a clever ruse to get them to see each other without letting they know the reason behind it. Ah, those clever friends, waiting to hear the juicy details of exactly what happened at the bridge this night. Well, it wouldn't be much if this was how it was going to be. Either way, those friends would be meeting their early demise as soon as these two could escape the gravitational pull of embarrassment they had locked their orbit around.
They sat, fidgeting about for a few minutes, tossing more pebbles into the creek. No eye contact, just enough movement to grab a pebble and flick a finger forward. Minutes would have felt like an hour to any spectator, boring them to sleep… until an accidental movement from both parties.
Quick reflexes and **** reactions initiated themselves involuntarily. This wasn't an accidental meeting anymore- it was a strategic battle between two parties ready for an all-out lust war. The intense energy of the stares between them was near atomically ******- the passionate force behind it plowing itself into the massive platform of icy silence they fought upon.
He steadied his gaze on her, eyes fixated on her cheeks flushing red in the low light as her eyes met with his. She wasn't in control anymore; her eyes darted from his eyes to his lips and back again, heat rising from her chest like magma under pressure. He felt his nervousness fade into something else… something more carnal and more focused on her touch and scent. Almost as if directed by primal instincts, his eyes turned to her lips… plump, pink, and glowing- as if coated with kerosene and lit on fire.
It was the jump off of the cliff, the trains on a collision course, the launch of the torpedoes, the moment the President of Hearts had smashed the glass cover that encased the launch button for the **** Day missile and the coordinates were set for that very bridge out of all the bridges in the world.
And within that moment of hesitation, it was all over. His hand slipped on some loose gravel and he ended up falling forward, head-butting her on the forehead. The two reeled back in pain for a few minutes, until they started to giggle to themselves. And that giggle grew into a loud chuckle and evolved into a ferocious uproar between them. As they calmed down and wiped away the tears of laughter, a flashlight was suddenly shown on them.
“Hey, what are you two doing down there? Get out from there now,” the police officer said with a stern voice.
They followed his command and came up to meet the officer, apologizing profusely as if they just went full-on Bonnie & Clyde. The officer just smiled and gestured for them to calm down.
“You’re not in any trouble; it’s just dangerous to be out here so late. So just take your girlfriend home and make sure her parents aren't worried, alright?”
“…. b-but she’s-… yes, sir,” he said, stopping himself from continuing. “I’ll take my girlfriend home right now.
She blushed even more as she felt the warm grip of his hand pulling her softly forward and squeezed back gently. She followed him as he walked, even though their homes were in the other direction.
Feb 2015 · 552
Music Box
Neal Emanuelson Feb 2015
He came home to the ordinary sounds of his everyday life. The phone would ring, the teapot would whistle and his parents would talk and argue. He closed his door, discarding his bag to the side and laying down on his bed. He laid there quietly, his computer beeping and blinking with messages from friends, those sincere and those insincere. Reaching out for the **** of his nightstand drawer, he pulled out the music box he received from his grandfather before he passed away. He flipped it over, carefully holding the lid and wound the silver turnkey tight, letting go. The familiar whirling of the mechanism inside came to life and the tone music echoed the room.

As the music played, he took the turnkey out and attached it to the lock on the side, releasing the lid to the hidden jewelry case. He didn’t have any jewelry to store there; he folded up snippets of letters and notes into tiny squares and dabbed them with color on the edges- each color meant for an experience or a person he favored. Purple was for his grandmother who wrote him little notes every two months… while she was in the nursing home. Red was for the girl that waited for him after school every day… before confessing his love for her. She reciprocated that in later years. Blue was for his own private notes of good times and the good things that happened to him… there were seldom few of those. Black was for the bad things he experienced… and it was in full abundance. The whole case looked much like an obsidian beach with rubies, amethysts, and sapphires hidden within. He looked at them one by one and placed the case back afterwards, then placing the music box back on the nightstand. One day, he’d turn the beach into sparkling gems with few obsidian stones buried below.

He placed his hand on the box, feeling the insides run and imagined the whole process. The spindle turned, rotating the cog connected to the metal drum with raised bumps. The thin metal comb came to meet these bumps and each bump struck a harmonized tone. Inside the mechanism, the pneumatic drum turned and hummed along as the gyros twisted the cogs, seemingly indefinitely never ending. To him, they felt young and ripe at the start but grew old and bitter after a while. The keys would slow, his head would ache from the loss of tempo and his heart would resonate with the soon to fade tones.

In that moment of solitude, his eyes would close, his breathing slowed, and his body relaxed into sleep; and one by one the little bumps would cease to exist on the music sheet, simply melding into the flat mundane roll which began its birth.  The roll just turned and turned silently, never touching the flat metal comb or anything else again. It became like any other music box- silently playing with no purpose. It became his life in sleep… silently living with no purpose but to dream.
Feb 2015 · 392
Inkwell of Thought (A)
Neal Emanuelson Feb 2015
Sitting in this chair, resolved of life and wills
I watched alone my eye wander to the abyssal
The depths of the ceiling and the sky beyond it

I sigh, and let my soul wander through that breath
How far, how nigh, how short- the kick back
The rush of reality is far from sudden than cautious

How I see the world as a person, no- merely an animal
Baser instincts to carve out an existence of importance
Grandiose dreams to shape out a memory for all

Just to get it right, to taste and grab... to grip tightly
This experience, this lesson hardly forgotten by the body
It's only one in countless eons- I am only one in countless eons

But you all- you are my many in precious seconds
I yearn never to let go, to separate to grow in every whim
Thinking out loud only satiates little of my life owned by you all...

And for all, I am thankful. Harm for hate, difference for pain
But also joy for pleasure and trust for security, I owe it all to you
You lead, I follow; I provide, you take. I fall, you continue as before

I'll recollect in memory in the hearts and minds of those who know and
remember my actions; past, present, and future. None perfect, but good
and bad enough to mark my animalistic nature forever to your soul.

I am the nature of the beast. Trickery, manipulation, deceit, and wits.

I am the fox.
Feb 2015 · 233
Laugh About It
Neal Emanuelson Feb 2015
I’ve learned about this some time ago
Feelings you had for me were true
But now it shows-
Day to day, you tire of my charm
And fights against yourself,
Still proving to me you aren’t worth this call.
We’re young, they say about us, about our love…
It’s true, yearning to grow but keep a child’s soul
And I feel it’s been…
too long…
And so…
it fades…
to silent times.

Problem is this heart lacks a will of keeping time.

We’ve had hope to go by...
Hold on to me and laugh about it.

In this time I sit and breathe,
I wonder what this will mean to me soon
You ask… of
Remembering these passing years
Where you had tasted better times
Placed with smiles all around your head.
Memories are broken keys
In locked boxes picked with
Eyes closed.
I paint…
Myself...
No colors of regret…
The lies of patience bound within
The lover that remains wishes
A return to a life again

The life I killed of a previous friend.

We’ve had hope to go by…
Hold on to me and laugh about it.
My smile pretend to realize
I have so little left to laugh about it.

A heart to archive the missing smiles,
I’ve lost the right to say you can return mine.
And who is to say what we will be
In the coming days, stressed in distant differences.
A hand to retain the wave goodbye,
You’ve lost the will to say that you are mine.
And no one’s left to decide
What’s wrong? What’s right?
In the coming days, stressed in distant differences.

And I’ve prayed for better years to be seen
With you and I, friends in between
I’ve seen the silence and it haunts me so…

And I’ve prayed for better years to be seen
With you…
and I…

© 2011
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