I know that feeling,

When you're angry
    but dont want to hang up.

He makes you mad
    but still, you dont want to hang up.

He says something that annoy you
    yet still, you don't hang it up.

We tease each other
     and still, you dont want to hang up the phone.

i see her on the cross of the street
smiling
and wave her hand

i see her on the cross of the room
laughing
and hold her stomach

i see her on the cross of the shadow
sitting
and say nothing

then i wake up and realize
she was there
praying
and hoping
as the plane touch the ocean.

she lost her hope as the plane went down towards the ocean
in 400 knots

she closed her eyes right before she lost her heartbeat

I believe it was over months ago
But still
It feels like
You are here
And telling me

You miss my laundry scent

do you what is the most painful thing beside losing you?

having memories with and about you

then

when i talk about you

I'm sad but also happy at the same time

meanwhile,
in the parallel universe,
we can be together right now
and holding hand in the middle of sunflower field.
or maybe,
we can be at the jazz bar
then i will be able to see you next to me
in the morning.

thank you

for being the most

heartbreaking poems.


and i think

this is the time

to let you go,

for real.