I'm looking above me
Up into the sky
And thinking about the distance
Between you and I

I'm looking around me
At my pictures with you
And wondering what
Is the right thing to do

I'm looking within me
To see what I can find
Hoping our future
Can be found in my mind

Generic poetry
And a Father who left me

Generic photography
And a Mother who I believe loves me

Fake friends, expensive brands,
Shots of ***** on the kitchen floor
After fumbling around,
Trying to forget about the day that almost killed me.

But how can you die, before being born?
Sometimes I imagine myself trying to commit suicide in the womb,
On the 8th month my Mother was pregnant with me,
The man who never sat me on his shoulders,
Never made my family breakfast,
And never brought me in to 'Bring your Child to Work Day',
walked out of the door and carried with him all the could-haves of my childhood.

Silent panic attacks,
No one validates,
Because they are silent
And not screaming for help
The way my eyes do.

Meltdowns after medicine,
Throwing up,
Being too loud and too proud,
Never seeing past the bedroom door
Because the days were just too much for me to absorb.

Not knowing how to be grateful,
Because all I see is dusk
And dark
And fear
And no light I've ever known.

"You shouldn't go there, young child,
For there are things I'd rather you didn't find."

I agreed politely and smiled
And thought "If only you could read my mind."

Please mom remember your girl
How she never cries
Now think of her with tear stained eyes
And galaxies,bruised on her thighs.

Think of her now
On the phone with your oldest
To whom she is the closest
Biting her hand,so her sister wouldn't notice.

She fits all of the parts
To popular from punk
To poem freak to none
To happy then one day gone.

When she tells you that it's nothing
Think of strawberry gum
How she likes mint the most
But fruit when she needs help
To absorb her stressed cramps.

Mommy did you notice
How she favored her long sleeves
How even in the evening she said she wasn't hungry
Usually you'd say
"She'd never lie to me!"

Your baby girl is growing up
But you'll soon forget her height
Funny how life takes away
Your might and leaves a trail to fight

When Love comes singing to his heart
That would not wake for me,
I think that I shall know his joy
By my own ecstasy.

And tho’ the sea were all between,
The time their hands shall meet,
My heart will know his happiness,
So wildly it will beat.

And when he bends above her mouth,
Rejoicing for his sake,
My soul will sing a little song,
But oh, my heart will break.

When a sigh is like a million angels giving up.