I’m not lazy, I swear
I want to do this
I need to do this
Desperately, it hurts me
That I can’t get myself out of bed
I really really want to be okay
But I’m not
I can’t do this.

There’s a weight on my chest
Pressing down on me
Suffocating me
I can’t move

There’s a thick grey fog in my mind
I can’t think through it
I can’t talk myself out of it
There is no escape

after
waking up
this morning
i once again
realized that
i was
someone else.

I swallow the pills
I take my medicine
I drug myself
Willingly
Because it’s that bad
It’s that bad that I’ve submitted
I’ve allowed this
I’ve gotten so low
That the only way
To find any sort of light
Is to keep taking drugs

Until the stars crash, the clouds wave back with whisking foam. Twinking, glowing, black with morning dew to greet this coming you alive.

Until affections rise in reflective ways, as moon and stars unite, with pinions that of a lovers embrace.

To stay, I must until such heaven returns, and reunites with soul to be, believed. Know that I want to, but for me. I will only think of you beneath walking trees, with thoughts small as bugs beneath celestial day. In my own time and wantingly, quietly way.

It would seem
That in this place
I am to learn
How it’s possible to live
When you don’t feel alive