If I were strong
I would say I'm not okay
But I am weak, so fine I stay
If I were to stare down into your face
I'd smash it in with my graceful words
Swords, knives, that's what your words feel like
I feel this ache in the space between our sour meetings
Do not touch, so I won't touch
See no evil, so I look away from you
I'm weighted down by the emotions that lay heavy within me
I carry them like shacked round my ankles
I carry them in spaces between my teeth and tongue
They fall out when the pressure is too much
It all spills out, soiling the sacred ground
Burying the good news which surrounds me
I have this ache in my chest, where love used to be
It's dull and sad and it pains me
You smile, I cringe
You laugh, I cry
You gain control and I wither in my soul
In this ache, I want you to feel these knives and aches and pains and stops and starts and agony and woe
But no
You simply won't
It's this battle in my head and my chest and legs and if I stretch far enough, breathe deeply enough, and smile widely enough
I will no longer think of you
No God
No bad
Oblivious
In bliss

I have them
and so do you
So why do you look at me so disgustingly?
WHy do you pry into my mind
when you know you won't like what you see?
You dont understand and you make that clear
I am so ANGRY at letting you see
the flaws within me
I am a human being , just like you
I live my life, just like you
I have my problems, just. like. you
don't play this game
my flaws are MINE, not yours
don't touch me, dont look at me
because while your words hurt like knives
my stare pierces your soul even deeper

You love her
She loves you
But who loves me here?
I do.
I am so much happier without you
I am so much wiser since you left.
Have your fun, live your life.
Maybe she'll become your wife?
Whatever happens, I won't know
But I will be happy-
Oops
I AM happy, just loving me.

I wish you had touched me
Your eyes on my body
Your lips on my neck
I wish you had asked me
How I felt, what I thought
About trivial things
About love and life
I wish you had
Looked at me and felt sparks
Felt your heart leap out
Your voice shake
Your eyes fixed on mine
I wish you had liked me
Because I might have loved you
But
When you touched me it wasn't electric
Nothing more, nothing less
We didn't kiss, that would feel wrong
We talked about important things m
Life, family, love
But you didn't care to
You didn't care for me, and I didn't for you
I wish I hadn't looked at you and felt sparks,
Felt my heart leap out
My voice and hands shaking
My eyes fixed on yours
I only wanted you to see me.

Forever will I feel this
I can't be afraid forever
This chain that holds my mind shut
To the life I wished to live
My muscles tight like bands so taut
My head, it aches
My stomach wraught
Outside I smile
I laugh as well
The world is good
I laugh as well
Inside I cry
They'll never see
I hide from them a part of me
It's always there, it slowly lingers
I feel it from my toes to fingers
It's in my chest, it's in my hair
I breathe my anxiety in from the air
I breathe it in, I breathe it out
A- is for the air so cold
N- nagging, always nagging
X- extreme fear, always there
I- intense rushes of tears and woe
E- even my best friends don't know
T- teeth clenched in a forced smile
Y- yelling inside, for a long while
I can't **** this monster inside of me
He's always there, quickly shifting
But, I can make him shrink so small
I hardly notice him at all
Muscles loose, free to dance
Breathe in air, so fresh and crisp
Hate the world? No, not me
Love myself? Absolutely

I bet
She makes you laugh
Until your sides hurt and you can't breathe
I bet
Your head was spinning when you kissed her
And every time after that
I bet
She feels safe in your arms and when her hand is in yours
I bet she makes you smile, even just hearing her name
I bet she's nothing like me
Not like me at all
I couldn't make you laugh,
And the thought of us together made you appalled
It would have never happened you and I
I bet
We would have hated each other
I bet
Our kisses would be forced and cold
I bet
I would have grown to like your hand in mine
I bet we would have never lasted
But, I know I would have loved it anyway

That's it I guess
You're done with me
I'm done with you two
Treat me poorly
Speak to me cruelly
Shut me out
Find some play thing to occupy your time
Have fun with her
That's all you'll have
I guess I was wrong
When I said you had good taste
You obviously don't
Or you would see something good
And beautiful and kind
And right in front of your face.
You would have seen me
You did see me
But you didn't want to
Tell me to calm down?
I'll tell you to grow up
Look at the world in its complexity, and wonder
And gifts and blessings and grow the **** up.