blues of your eyes
horizons so empty
with faint sunsets gleaming
in your oceans
on a raft
there was a man
it was I
your castaway

oh my god
not an exclamation
A call for help
it's all I think about
trade the blood in my veins
so it can run smooth
sweet bliss to black
wake up
graveyard

it ain't the same
remember your street
how colorful it was
almost like a yellow brick road
or a gingerbread house

your friends congregating for a game of 21
americana incarnate with illegal fireworks
and soggy doritos after swimming for hours

what's really so different
everyone becomes an adult eventually
I just hate different the birds sound
They don't even sing much anymore

Colors muted and sights replaced
brutalist and architecture meant to appease shareholders

Nostalgia and cynicism are best buddies
and I here I am...
misery comes in threes

Can you recall
The ecstasy of your first kiss
The fire that burned behind your face

now I lay here with memory of your lips and how you kept your eyes closed
How I knew I loved you then

I imagine a warrior
lying crippled on a metal laden field
beckoning for one last kiss
with his woman's visage
appearing in a tear

Just cold and lifeless without his woman's fire

Get faded
drink an Arizona Mucho Mango
tell your dog you love them
find peace

do you ever stare at the computer
an endless gaze into white
That feeling of indecisiveness
How can I turn my emotions in genius
I wish that moment
Could be a poem

Those who are blood
are supposed to be the closest
a structure of peace
protection within 4 walls from chaos
yet often they are the loudest

A mother meant to caress you
under a wing of silk and love
resents you for carrying your father's face

A father meant to be hero's tale
A iron man role model of strength
crumbles beneath momentary vices

Brothers and sisters
meant to be the first line of defense
often berate and butcher
what you knew as the meaning

                          Of Family

What to do when the ones meant to love unconditionally
Appear as strangers you once saw in a dream?

I just want to write about something
                           "good"
So bitter and toxic that anything nice
just sounds fake and inhuman
I'd rather wallow
than be someone real
that's all I'll be
that's all I'll know
so ******* blind
darkness

do you ever wish
you could take a hiatus
from life

not suicide
not disappearing

just invisible, obversing
fulfilling the curiosity
Of what it'd be like in your circles without you

Maybe it'd be selfish
but when you're just so tired
a tired that sleep cannot fix
you just wish you were something else

But you can't be
and you can't be nothing either

at the very least
a memory~

would you choose a life without them
where you can hold them in memory
in hopes of meeting a muse anew

or a dream that repeats every 30 seconds
where skin is warm and smiles always
and nothing new happens

buy one, get two diseases
3rd time's the charm
yet bad things come in threes
you just can't win
even if you do
they'll steal from you
long fingers for deep pockets
how can you escape
when they own every street
every drug
every peace and piece of you

Seeing you across from me in dim headlights just made sense

I never questioned anything with you

that is why I speak to you literally; without metaphor

Because you were too real to extrapolate any other meaning from

And in your honesty I was destroyed

Like a statue that had fallen with the head intact, staring so deep into you

But I thank you for breaking me down instead of building me up

Just to do it over and over

Thank you.

Everyday I lay new slabs, stoops, and stairs

I see my brothers tagger and toil

hoping they'll sacrifice enough just to give their families what little they can

My youth withering at the sight of their decay

A man's home being destroyed while we build one anew

It is our foundation

you must ask if the fire of love should burn you

if a tiger should not pierce skin because a hand brushes his

all the blood you've shed
and the nights you've clothed yourself in

should they be sacrificed for a finite eternity

it is truly the apex of free will
you must choose

it shames me so
to dwell in front of the new
when I know I'd be happier
basking in mediocrity
with you

Does it hurt
when the nature around you
beckons

and you know it all
to be connected

yet you feel so foreign
like the atoms repel you

you are not a ghost like you think

I run my finger in etched initials in park benches
Wishing to know their fate
Me+you "never"
❤️

young man so strong
stature like Hercules
hubris as deep as his reflection
digging your hole deeper
passing up grapes and leaf fans
for calloused fingers
blood money at the end of the week
is it worth it
When your tears burn the scars
Maps of every triumph and nail driven
And you will sit there with hands 10&2
Wondering what could have been
Had you not chosen a warrior's life

your love
your warthm
your golden rays of light
I attempt to feel again
intravenously
release
into bliss
dug deeper into a hole
where I only stare at my feet
bury me

You ask a man to be a mountain
That his face is perfectly chisled into it
And his body to be stone
That his legs be strong enough to hold the world
And his feet to be rooted to earth
You forget the mightiest of rocks
Collapse overtime with rain
His tears will be never ending

you are one to view from afar
the less details
the better
the closer I get
the more you look like me
and a mirror scares me anymore

A dog park of all places
you loved dogs very much
more than yourself
Oh if you could have been a fish
A panther
An alien
An idea
I think you'd have known your impact
One of a meteor birthing a 100 mile crater
All I got from you was the blues of your eyes
Like an ocean that seeped endlessly
Endless, you were

In a field, with just you and me
with birds and bees
as far as one's eye can reach
So real yet a picture that haunts me
Stationary, yet you move me
So deep I stare into you
Hoping to be the ant at your feet
or maybe the tree you lean on
I put you up to my mouth with hands behind
So that you can touch my lips and i can hold your head
thank you for keeping me clean

I wish I could spill out onto a page
melt into the lines
and give you the meaning that way
but I am confined to words
these auditory hallucinations impersonating symbols
Maybe you could find it in my eyes
But I think you'll never find it at all
Not until I am words on a sheet
with two dates
one of air and one of earth
Should you shed a tear
feel fire too
Feel for the world as I could not

come to me cats and dog
in the meadow you all roam
Leah, I watched you take your last breath
And the winter air froze my tears
The moon shined on you and made you glimmer
and through it your soul rose
The moon was half dark as it was light
like you and your sister
and a star placed too perfectly at your side
which I believe was your brother

and God gave me a chance to look at all of you one last time

Run kids and don't look back

I'll be right behind you

there she stood as a mighty redwood
so tall and ancient
only to be fell
laid there so harmless
and they will strip her bare
she will be your furniture
your house
your toothpicks
and you will/do not think of her
only what she could be for you

A kiss goodbye has many things in-between
Like when I call you back ten paces out for another
I always find a way to keep you there for another farewell
I will always have another goodbye in me for you
So much so you'll feel as if you never had to go

Sight: Her salmon pink skin on her sage green dress
Caught my eye every time

Touch: The way her warmth flowed to me
Made me feel fire once more

Scent: Her 5 dollar cotton candy perfume
Lifted me from my feet like a pie window side

Taste: The bitter lemon chicken we had cooked
Rested on her lips when I came back for seconds

Hearing: When she'd sing, my god her voice
Was better than every song I did and didn't hear

So much so, I had forgotten my sixth sense

What can you write about a woman that hasn't been said yet?

Do you tell her things she's heard in past lives or ones she's yet to hear in future lives

I do not worry about redundancy

Instead I will learn ways that cannot be replicated

Languages that have yet to convey such meaning

I will be the wake: the light, the dawn

the cosmic inclination to summon you

with the hope our stardust collides again

I don't even know who I write to anymore
do I hope you'll stumble across my work
that you'll tell yourself "just one more line" again and again
And when you reach the end you'll read again
until there's nothing left to find
and you'll sob and tears will distort the screen
you'll wipe them away and forget all about this

women views words like currency
where hurt is the apex of money
and the love and camaraderie
one a prisoner searches for in the cracks of his walls
is just a vehicle for the softening of the shell
one they've erected
after one too many 'you're my diamond"
when they're just feeling the pressure of one
well my words are gold, woman
and I tell you
you were born gilded
impervious to these poison laden speeches
where you were taught to hate your fellow girl
and to die for the man who kills you
they may speak all they want
but you will stand bold and ironclad with closed mouth
saving your last word for a rainy day