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Dec 2022 · 552
not a love poem
amavi Dec 2022
these sentences are not full of love, or longing

all i have is heartache
and ear numbing cries
and oceans worth of tears

so i’ll put them into words
words i know you will never read
but words that will always comfort me

you ripped my heart out, robbed me of it
and how am i supposed to go on living
when no one’s pumping my blood for me
and how am i supposed to feel love
when the very person
that embodied my love
is no more

not for me
you are no longer
for me
by me
with me

so this is not a love poem
because you stole that four lettered word from me
this is, just, a poem
Have you ever had your love stolen?
Oct 2022 · 137
we would be perfect
amavi Oct 2022
I thought i had grown older
Wiser
But when you entered my life again
Unexpectedly
I realized I wasn’t done growing
Healing
I would run back to you in a split second
Undoubtedly
Self respect thrown out the window
Instantly
Still knowing I’m just being fooled again
Unfortunately
I wish he could see me the way i see him
Dec 2020 · 82
temporary setback
amavi Dec 2020
do I simply
accept
my current state?

or can I go back
back to the old me

but maybe,
the old me is just that-
old
outdated

perhaps,
there’s a new me
one that I shall find

whatever I will become,
I don’t want it to be
this

and that’s enough motivation
to not give up
Nov 2020 · 51
all things go
amavi Nov 2020
snow will fall,
rain will pour,
seconds will be counted
and time won't stop
for you
or me
but since you left, I have frozen.

all things go, but my heart.
Nov 2020 · 67
To love oneself
amavi Nov 2020
“Love is a tricky game, but one day I’ll find someone with its instructions”
I thought.
“Never mind, I had them with me all along”
I realized.
Dec 2019 · 109
coward
amavi Dec 2019
I wanted to ask,
ask how you were doing today.
Because I felt you were having a hard time,
a hard time living.
But I was too much of a coward to ask,
ask how you were doing today.
Maybe tomorrow I will ask,
ask how you are doing that day.
I did want to ask you if you were ok but I didn't want to intrude, especially since we don't know each other that well. But maybe it's nice having someone, anyone, care.
Nov 2019 · 175
Physique
amavi Nov 2019
Tracing my fingers along your shoulders
How I yearn after it
You were never the most muscular man
But that was unimportant
I loved your physique
Had you let me I would have traced its entirety with gentle kisses
So gentle, as if you were made of thin glass
My lips would leave behind a ghosting presence for you to remember me by
That was what I wanted after all
For you to long after that same touch

It was never my intention to make the experience ******
Merely a display of total intimacy
But that was were we differed you and I
Seeking different things
I knew for some time there was no us
But I kept lingering just to see the sunlight play on your bare skin once more
For if I am to be honest
I adored you
Of course I realized there was no intimacy in lone adoration
And so I steered my quest elsewhere
Intimacy above all
Aug 2019 · 107
The healing process
amavi Aug 2019
I really am
Sick and tired
Of you

I really am
Sick and tired
Of holding on

I really am
Sick and tired
Of not moving on

I really am
Ready for
Something new
Apr 2019 · 256
Grus
amavi Apr 2019
Du var som gruset
På en trottoar i december
Därför
Ville jag ha dig
För jag trodde det var du
Som hjälpte mig stå när gatan var hal
Men jag glömde tacka mina egna ben
Som hjälpte mig upp
Varje gång du misslyckades skydda mig
Från vinterns alla brutala fall
Men nu är våren här
Och jag ser dig inte
Men jag är inte ledsen
För jag vet
Att bland alla betydelselösa gruskorn
Finns någon som kommer pryda min trädgård
Och inte bara vara gruset på en trottoar
Do I dare to read this in my swedish class? Probably, but never as the author.
Mar 2019 · 179
Miss moving on
amavi Mar 2019
I saw you again today
And it felt like I had my heart broken all over again

Our eyes met
And I wished that moment would have lasted another second

We walked past each other like strangers
And it reminded me of our summer together

You were with another girl
And for some reason I was happy for you

I saw you again today
And it felt like I was moving on finally
I always manage to see him these days.
Jan 2019 · 912
Love poem
amavi Jan 2019
I wish I was in love, so I could write a love poem again.
Jan 2019 · 121
Just sleep
amavi Jan 2019
they ask me why i’m so tried
and
i explain that i haven’t been sleeping
but
they tell me to “just sleep”
as if
i could
because
if that was the case
i would
however
they don’t realize how lucky they are
to
not have to fear their own mind
every
single
night
how lucky they are
to
be able to
“just sleep”
Jan 2019 · 1.7k
Moonchild / the moon and I
amavi Jan 2019
Moonchild
they call me
cause i lie awake
at night
and
talk to the
moon

Not daring
to drift
away
for my mind
scares
me

The
moon
will be my
sweet
salvation

The precious
moon
who keeps me company
when my mind
is ready
to
self
implode
and no one
can piece me
together

The
moon
will watch over me
like i
never
could
like no one
ever
would

My home
is a
crater
on the moon
where i am
shielded
from
my own
mind

They call me
moonchild
Jan 2019 · 149
I think about you
amavi Jan 2019
I think about you still, fortunately.

I think about
how your hands would find my waist in a split second,
how your lips would reach for mine like magnets,
how your heart would beat faster every time I laid on your chest,
how our love seemed so perfectly flawed,
how we could have been living had I not broken your heart,
how you’re kissing someone else,
how you’re loving someone else,
how I lost you.

I think about you still, unfortunately.
I hope you never read this confession.
Jan 2019 · 588
s u f f o c a t i n g
amavi Jan 2019
I surrender my heart to you
I am yours to ruin
Demolish my soul and turn me numb
I cannot bare to feel for you what I know you can never feel for me
I love you
So much
I cannot breathe
I cannot think
I cannot speak
and it hurts.
But you would never know how that is,
to be in love
For you are stone cold
I saw it
In your eyes
Every time you said
You loved me
You lied
And I knew
I did not care
But,
now...
i
am
s u f f o c a t i n g
Dec 2018 · 378
sometimes
amavi Dec 2018
sometimes
it will hurt
it will burn
it will break
and it will ache

sometimes
it will be
indifferent
and there will be
no one

but
nothing
nothing
nothing
lasts forever

other times
it will be
ok
and
remember these times
for they will
keep you going
when there is
suffering
Dec 2018 · 180
Perhaps
amavi Dec 2018
Maybe you changed
Maybe I changed too
Maybe we changed each other

Maybe I never let go
Maybe I still wish you were mine
Maybe you’re the only one I want to kiss

Maybe you were right
Maybe I could never love you
Maybe I was too much of a coward

Maybe is a useless word
Dec 2018 · 188
describe the descriptor
amavi Dec 2018
words are so frustrating
yet so relieving

hard to stay away from
easy to forget

not enough
more than i could wish for

heartbreaking
overwhelming
adoring
despising

indifference

~

— The End —